I've been ransacking the house, cupboard after cupboard for clothes to bring. It's going to be about 3 bags full, and I'm starting to wonder if all this is actually necessary. Because I just remembered I can go around wearing baggy Ts and shorts most of the time. Then, I remembered it may be NINE YEARS of clothes I need. So, heck it.

Today, I got my first traffic summons. So sad. Something about getting caught by the police makes you feel humiliated and angry at the same time. But I just decided to space out. Apparently I didn't stop at a red light. Honestly, I don't even remember passing any traffic lights, but I suppose I broke the law unwittingly. And I've never gotten stopped in my life, so I stopped at first and the police car stopped behind me. Then I continued to crawl forward uncertainly, thinking it couldn't be me. But I saw through my rearview mirror that the police car just zoomed forward like they thought I was running away. They drove next to me, stared, pointed and properly signalled me off the road. Sigh. I don't even know how to pay up the summons.

I am also quite addicted to (but quickly getting sick of) Big Apple's Choreo doughnuts.

Judge Not

It is so interesting to find out something new about someone you know, especially someone you think you know very well. When you see the person in a different environment or interacting with a different person, you tend to suddenly see them in a new light. It's humbling because the things you discover make you realize how one dimensional your view of them was. I've found out things about people that have made me embarassed of my initial impression of them. I've seen new sides of people that suddenly made me in awe and more than a little shy around them. Sometimes they reveal to you a skill or a spectacular side of their personality you never noticed before.

It's a reminder to myself to withhold judgment on people I've just met. I've found that over time and in different settings, I've had to take back the thoughts I've had about some people because they turned out to be pretty different. In a good way.

It's in a way scary. It really makes you wonder how many wonderful people you've missed out on just because you dismissed them too quickly.

I Want This For My Birthday

I was about to fall asleep during my afternoon nap when a revelation came to me. I now know what invention would be of the greatest use to me.

A light that operates by sound sensor!

This will solve my problem of realizing the light is still on at the inopportune moment when I'm blissfully about to doze off.

I just have to do something simple like clap my hands or say 'Off!'.

Growing Apart

The moments before I fall asleep are usually filled with the most clarity. It's the time I stare into the darkness and reflect on the day that's past. Sometimes it's when I'm most emo, the way I've been feeling prematurely homesick some nights.

I have a deep fear of changing. Of forgetting, and of loving people less once I'm apart from them. The first time I went away, I cried over the phone because I was afraid I'd grow distant from my family. I always remember Mom's reassurance, 'If you drift away, don't you think I'd pull you back?'

I think it comes from experience. We've all had friends we were once close to, and do not really regret losing today. My theory is that we have a certain limit to our capacity for immediate love , care and attention for others. And usually this extends to the people you are surrounded with and are in close proximity to daily.

There is simply no time to keep up all relationships you hold dear, at least not equally and indiscriminately. That is why, when I'm in Malaysia, I inevitably grow distant from loved ones overseas, and vice versa. To worry about this matter seems a ridiculous waste of time and peace of mind, whereas to let it be seems to let relationships erode naturally.

Which is why I am afraid whenever I have to move. I hate how I'll grow accustomed to life elsewhere and I hate how everyone I leave behind will grow less important to me.

But I must always remember that feelings of distance is only a temporary condition of the heart. Again and again, I've proven to myself that it only takes a little time spent together with a person for things to feel the same as before. We should never be fooled by the pretense of feeling changed. Love is an action, not just a feeling, and sometimes we need to exercise this fact to get past the initial 'awkwardness' when we reunite with someone we've left behind.

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I've been abusing my stomach these holidays. I've spent at least 50% of the time eating out (wasting money, too) and lots of times, eating unhealthily. So, after last night's tom yum steam boat, where I mercilessly drank bowl after bowl of spicy soup, I woke up with indigestion. Worse, I stuffed myself with bak kut teh during lunch with Pei San at Klang today. Couldn't let the huge meal go to waste, after all. Now, I've to skip dinner because I can't get anything down. And maybe lunch tomorrow. Eat in haste, repent in leisure.

I've started rereading L. M. Montgomery's series of Anne of Green Gables.
It's so easy to get all excited about love and romance again, when the writing is so sweet. But I admit to blazing through some of the long winded passages.

Walking the 3 Musketeers

I have 3 dogs, and each of them is completely different in personality. Something pretty evident when I take them for walks.

Walking Macy is like walking a boulder. She moves very slowly, as one might expect when trying to pull a giant rock. And when she finds something to smell, even leaning my entire weight in the opposite direction to pull the leash doesn't work.

Walking Shadow is like walking a vacuum cleaner. He runs with his nose to the ground, sucking in all scent and smell. It's a wonder he can see where he's going.

Walking Hayley is like walking a prancing pony. She runs when you run. She jumps when you jump. And she chases me like a mad dog when I run around like a mad woman. And when she gets scared, she walks between my legs. Sometimes in a Figure 8, which trips me up.Yes, I know I'm not going to be a famous graphics designer one day. Thank you. =P
But you can't beat having dogs like mine!

P/S: Sorry to those who are not familiar with my dogs.

To Forget Again

Very few people in this world are born with a memory that allows them to remember everything. It must be terrible having to remember every single incident, taste, smell, or sound with clarity.

Although it is frustrating to be absent minded, there is something good about forgetting. Only by forgetting can you be reminded. And there is a certain joy in being surprised when you are reminded by long forgotten things.

It's like leafing through a photo album and crying with delight at all the crazy things you got up to. Or hearing a tune and being brought back to the songs and shows you loved as a child. It's like smelling a particular scent from something cooking and remembering an event related to it.

If you never forget, how can you appreciate it when you remember?

Tag Victim

1. If your lover betrayed you, what will your reaction be?
Devastated. Probably in denial at first.

2. If you can have a dream come true, what would it be?
Erm, just one of them would be to go on an Euro trip.

3. If you could be at one place right now, where would it be?
Nowhere else.

4. Are you confused as to what lies ahead of you?
No. Just not confident. And a lot of times unwilling to do what I must.

5. What's your ideal lover like?
Godly, sensitive, devoted, interesting.

6. Which is more blessed, loving someone or being loved by someone?
Both, I guess. You can't control who loves you but you should never take for granted the ability to love a person.

7. How long do you intend to wait for someone you really love?
Only as long as I'm intended to. If not, there's probably someone else waiting for me.

8. If the person you secretly like is already attached, what would you do?
Let it go.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Worries about whether I can cope, whether I'll be lonely, and sadness at leaving this life behind.

10. What do you want most in life?
To be happy and to be the best person I can be.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Not really. But I think it's a great excuse to find out things about people or reveal things about yourself without being too obvious/desperate.

12. How do you see yourself in ten years time?
Married, maybe 1 child, contented and loving my life.

13. Who is the current most important person to you?
Anyone of my family. (Sorry, how is it possible to choose one?)

14. What type of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Sincere, conservative (which is good), sees the good in other people, a really supportive friend.

15. Would you rather be single & rich or married but poor?
Married but sufficient? I'd rather not be married for the sake of it, though. Single and happy is fine.

16. If you could have any animal for a pet, what would it be ?
Dog!

17. What are one of those things which you would prefer not to do?
Scooping dog poo.

18. What kind of person do you think you are?
Idealistic (or I want to be) but desperately wanting things to go my way. Analytical, sensible, do-things-1-way but secretly longing for occasional excitement.

19. What do you define as a bad day?
When nothing goes your way and everyone pisses you off.

20. If you have to choose between love and friendship, what would it be?
Haihyo. Love, I guess. Since the person I choose friendship with probably wants love him/herself.