Just checked my stash of doctor's receipts (I keep them so Mom can make claims) and realize I fall sick 3-4 times a year.

Which is no surprise that I contracted H1N1 and am now stuck at home in a mask. Probably my super low immunity contributed as I've been surviving on very few hours of sleep. The last straw was the night duty where I slept on cardboard at school, and woke up every 2 hours to change my stiff position.

Feeling crummy and worried about rag cos' I'm not around to teach. I hope I'm well enough to teach with enthusiasm next Monday.

Oh, the first taste of bittersweet goodbye. Just had 3D2N of camp at Sentosa, and certain repressed emotions aside, it was exciting to be a senior leading a group of juniors. What with lots of eccentric characters in the orientation group, it was never-ending amusement. For a group without much athletic ability (haha) they surprisingly tossed up water balloons with incredible skill. And the skit was really the most hilarious thing on earth, especially Hong Kai's dancing blond troll. I'll also never forget how Ben Yap kept retching at the vinegar/raw chicken combo. After the first 2 days, I totally took the backseat as an OGL, it was just toooo tiring.

Best (and worst) night hands-down was Club Vondresen. 14 people packed into the tiny hut, playing Taboo. Ben Lim's guesses: What do people do during CNY? Calligraphy. What happens at the end after dating, for a man and a woman? Orgasm. (Correct answer: Matrimony) What is this? Orange. (Before any further description). I laughed so loud and so frequently it hurt my abs. After that, the clubbing began, with dim lights, flickering bulbs and yellow lightsticks!

But it was also the lowest point I've had in a long time. For the life of me, I cannot understand drinking to lose yourself or forget your troubles. I don't know if I'm being a hypocrite, but when I see a person chugging down and just going out of control, I feel so disgusted. Which was exactly what I felt when I opened that door. I've never reacted that angrily before, at least not in the longest time. I rapped that door SO hard, I almost broke my knuckles.

Now I'm trying not to overreact, but I am beginning to associate a repulsive person with the drinking. And that makes it hard to remember the person I like. And it makes me worry about how I can continue to condone it when it happens again. Which it is bound to.

2nd year and dental school has lost its appeal for me. OK, I'm exaggerating but getting up and going to school daily feels like facing a den of lions. The only thing exciting on the horizon is the year 1 orientation, and even that is tinged with stress for all the committees. It's hard to tell if the juniors will be able to catch the atmosphere of pride and ambition the seniors are trying to uphold. And teaching dance is so not easy.

The whole continuation of the heritage thing is the favourite topic on everyone's lips. Who should get priority, whose toes shouldn't be stepped on, which person is most easy to click with; all to be decided in such a short time.

Of course, the best part is not just making new friends, but rediscovering old ones.

And camp is this Friday, which is crazy fast! I don't want to stay with strangers, though.

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I feel so ashamed of my poor attitude towards life. I find myself behaving exactly like the people who blame the world for all things that go wrong. And I sulk and pout (secretly) waiting for things to right themselves. Perspective is a tough lens to put on.