I WANT TO GO TO KRABI

Disney Facade

Many of us grew up on Disney movies, believing the world was a magical place, that good always triumphs over evil and the beautiful princess always meets her prince charming and lives happily ever after.

To my horror, I found out later on in my teens that some of the stories the animations were based upon had been tweaked out of their unhappy endings. Like Quasimodo actually died, and prolly the Little Mermaid as well, I can't recall completely. Basically, the original stories were very depressing and all Disney did was take a happy spin on the premise and characters.

The only time Disney decided to stick to the story was in Pocahontas, when in Part 2 (the unreleased movie, only in DVD) she met and married John Rolfe. I still remember my complete confusion and shock. It was like my world came crashing down. Was this even possible? How could she forget John Smith? How can a person have loved two guys? What happened to all that romantic running in the forest, all the odds that were beaten to be together, overcoming the racial and cultural differences? Pocahontas 2 felt so sacrilegious to me.

Of course, over time, I got over it. Pocahontas was a woman beyond her times.

It should be an accepted fact of life that nobody but you cares about your problems. As much as they might feel bad, it's never going to last for long because it just isn't them going through it. There's never space for another person's issues. So we should all just stop expecting sympathy and stop self-pitying.

Just saying.

-----
Having so much trouble learning the butt dance by Kara's Mr.! Soooo frustrated.

I want me an Audi R8 coupe, what with the coupe being the sportscar version of a sedan/saloon. Best of both worlds!

Under The Boardwalk

Sentosa Boardwalk, a photo by Mel Mijares on Flickr.

The best kind of friends are the ones you don't have to try with. The kind that when you're together, you just slip back into the same old group dynamics as though all the years never went by.

It felt like time was endless, sitting on the wooden floor of the Sentosa Boardwalk, talking and laughing about the past. Talking and laughing about Ian moonlighting as a call boy, deliberately misunderstanding his every job description to be something dirty. Hadn't laughed that hard in ages. Sure beats crunches and sit ups.

People say look forward, but IMHO the comfort of the past can be so much more alluring.

-----
I will not let these moments define my life.

An Evening of Romance with Jim Brickman

Couples holding hands, couples snuggling, couples smooching, one woman crying. Indeed, what a romantic night it was, listening to America's platinum-selling romantic piano sensation (as he mockingly called himself) Jim Brickman playing his piano tunes.

So I only knew about 4 things he played and the rest were easy listening, non complex melodies/chords but I found myself surprised it had ended. Surprised it was already 9.30pm because it didn't seem that long. Even if you're not enraptured by the song, it's a soothing background for you to reflect and think about things.

He's also a pretty funny guy, and the comedic relief of the banter between him and the guest singer was well timed. So overall I enjoyed it, and it's making me look forward to more musicals and concerts coming up. Hadn't realized how artistically deprived I was but that's going to change now.

-----
Always wonder why some shampoo bottles tell you what kind of hair it's for and others what kind of hair the user can expect to achieve. Like, 'For dry hair' or 'For silky hair' or 'For fine, flyaway hair' or 'For oily hair'.

Soooo, does using this give me oily hair? What's even a good texture to go for? Poor consumers.

coming storm., a photo by vintagebutton on Flickr.

In the pursuit of feeling nothing, I have succeeded in becoming completely numb.

My jaw totally dropped in awe at the freshly shorn heads of Brittani and Molly. I want Brittani's look so much! Kay, after I'm done growing out my hair. I'll set a date with the hairdresser's for next year.

I heard that you're settled down,
That you found a girl and you're married now,
I heard that your dreams came true,
Guess she gave you things I didn't give to you,
Old friend, why are you so shy?
Ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead, yeah,

You know how the time flies,
Only yesterday was the time of our lives,
We were born and raised in a summer haze,
Bound by the surprise of our glory days,

I hate to turn up out of the blue uninvited,
But I couldn't stay away, I couldn't fight it,
I had hoped you'd see my face,
And that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over,

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nothing compares,
No worries or cares,
Regrets and mistakes, they're memories made,
Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"

Nevermind, I'll find someone like you,
I wish nothing but the best for you, too,
Don't forget me, I beg,
I remember you said,
"Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead,"
Sometimes it lasts in love,
But sometimes it hurts instead.

The Hills Are Alive

I'm rewatching the Sound of Music. After I downloaded it, I felt pretty reluctant to actually sit down and see it through because it's soooo old and I've seen it a million times before. Once the music started playing, I was hooked again. I remember every scene and almost every song.

The only thing that was new to me in the last few viewings was the fact that this is a love story. Behind the childhood tunes, the antics of the von Trapp children and the comedy of the sticky situations is the Captain and Maria falling in love.

Always lovely how the best shows get better with each time you watch it. This show's where I learned the name Liesl too. :)

-----
Edit:
Halfway through I remembered the other emotional part of the show for me, how Captain Georg (just Google-ed because I forgot it was pronounced Gay-org) and his family were so patriotic but had to leave their precious Austria. It's probably the only show that stirred up any emotions in me due to a sense of nationalism.

It makes me wonder if I'll ever feel that way if I had to defend Malaysia. I can imagine quite easily getting swept up in feelings of nationalist pride, blinded by a sense of ownership to the country you were born in, the only country you can call your own. The same way you would defend the only family you own and all other things you associate your identity with. Is it sensible though, to give up one's life for a piece of land?

I think it must be a lot of fun to be like ANTM's Jay Manuel. To just stand in the corner and give 'artistic directions' to models on what looks pretty. Much prefer it to being a photographer and having to learn all that technical jazz plus have an eye for composition.

It's that time of the year again! When I contemplate crazy ideas like shaving my head. *Wiggles eyebrows*

Sometimes I feel like I'm not meant to be doing this. I can't see myself improving much, and when I do improve at something, I stop doing it for awhile and the moment I try it again, I'm back at square one.

I have this never ending list of mistakes I've made that I'm to learn from and never repeat again. It's growing so long I get a headache trying to remember everything. Which sort of backfires because once I go into panic frozen mode, I can't think clearly at all. I've noticed I am so much sharper and more astute when I'm the assistant, not the operator.

Just don't feel there's any one thing I'm good at. Like I'm kinda lousy at all the specialties anyway. Guess this is just another glory that will go to the Maker if I pull through. Because right now, any success is definitely not going to come from my own hands.

This hasn't been a good week.

Lately I've been throwing out numbers like '10 years' and feeling surprised that my exaggerations are really not exaggerations after all.

Example 1:

Aggie: You used to run marathons, okay.
Me: That was like 10 years ago.

And it really was! I was, what, 14?

Example 2:

Jaydon: Wow, you played piano till Grade 8? Why didn't you become a piano teacher?
Me: That was like 10 years ago, I can't play for nuts now.

Yup, that too was a decade ago.

It's actually kinda fun.

Last Sunday, I went to Yishun Stadium to experience an election rally. I listened to the Workers' Party member rah rah-ing the crowds and I was really amazed by the thousands of people who turned up. People of all ages were there, from little kids together with their parents and old couples with foldable stools and picnic mats, prepping as though to enjoy a long night on the field. Standing there, you realize you're really part of history unfolding, that this is bigger than just you, your social circle or your community, this is nation scale.

It's not like I'm even voting. If you asked me to attend something like this for Malaysia's General Election, I probably couldn't be more apathetic about it. Similarly, despite this being the first rally I've attended (which makes sense since I've only been here about 5 years), most of my Singaporean friends have never attended one either. This mild growing of political awareness probably coincides with coming of age to vote. Maybe from here forth I'll be a lot more interested in political affairs, both in Singapore and Malaysia. Who knows? It is refreshing to be discussing an issue more worldly than the usual affairs that plaque the life of a dental student.

-----
On a totally separate issue, I've been trying to figure out how California Fitness has been getting my phone number to offer me these free membership trials. At first I genuinely thought someone had recommended me because I was told so and so (real names) had put my name on a list. I finally checked it out and those people say they never did it.

So during one of my moments of reflection in the shower, I thought of Facebook. From past experiences, these salespeople or advertising companies can easily look up your information online and find out your details or who you're related to. Just like some friends who won tickets from a radio station to find out the radio station knows where they study and who they're attached to.

It's still harmless when nothing criminal happens to you. It's just scary and sobering how many strangers out there know so much about you. Usually I figure that it's just a 'friend of a friend' so we're all friends anyway, 3 degrees of connections won't hurt. Except you never know when what you put up will come back to haunt you.

I am so relieved to find that I am once again able to feel neutral or even happy for some people around me. Was starting to despair over turning into a bitter green-eyed monster.

Quinta Flower {Explored}, a photo by Teka e Fabi® on Flickr.

If I cannot win you over with my wit, charm, looks or kindness, I hope to at least win you over with my sincerity.

T2i - Red Heart, a photo by doug88888 on Flickr.

There are days when it really helps to remind myself that my life on earth is transient. It puts all my worries into perspective. People really shouldn't sweat the small stuff.

-----

Feel like buying a really nice camera just so I can take pretty photos for my blog. A little sick of looking at my own words. All that spiel/drivel.

In Freedom We Revel

The new beachwear on Asos is so pretty! It's reviving my beach fantasy. Which to be honest is probably just a fantasy I cling on to so I still feel excited about something. The sort of thing where the anticipation is so much more delicious than the actual thing. But I don't care because that sort of giddy rush is the kind of thrill I live for most times.

It's like going out dancing. Chances are high that I don't have a great time after all and while riding a cab home, I vow never to go out clubbing again. Never ever ever again. Last time, I swear, I'm too old, I'm so over it, I hate the crowds, I hate when the music's bad, I'm always so tired.

Yet again and again the idea of it tempts me so much. Just like tonight, we were all watching movies and then club hits on Youtube on Ian's awesome HD TV (yes, HD TV still impresses me). Jamie and I just felt so excited we really really almost decided to go out right there and then. I may have resisted the urge tonight but I bet I'll give in sooner or later.

The potential of something is always a greater lure than the thing itself. I think that's the answer to why I can't bear the thought of living forever in Malaysia. In my mind, I feel trapped and terrified of being somewhere that does not have the prospect of bringing me something new, something unexpected, something I am probably searching for all my life but have not found. I cannot bear thinking that here I am doing the same old thing day in day out when I could be somewhere else, exposed to new possibilities.

It can be a dangerous thing to pursue, I think.

School is Cruel

Days like this, I feel so inept. I really want to be good at what I'm going to be doing forever. I really want to stop making mistakes but when it comes down to the crunch, I can't apply any knowledge. I can't seem to improve and I keep making stupid mistakes. I have this growing list of things not to do, things to look out for, things not to repeat - it doesn't do much good.

After today's complex perio fiasco, I have realized that all the guidelines in the lectures and seminars which I normally dismiss as mere technicalities really do serve important purposes. I have now truly experienced why we need PAs for the whole mouth, or at least any tooth we need to determine the prognosis of. The amount of bone left will make or break whether the tooth is condemned or salvageable, instead of wasting time cleaning and cleaning something that's irrational to treat. A deep pocket or even mobility may not mean poor prognosis if there's no bone loss because these may be due to widened PDL which is resolvable.

I also realize now the importance of accurate measurement and charting of probing depths. I used to think it really didn't matter since the treatment is always the same. After today, I know how every little change matters in determining if there is healing or progression of disease. Every mm makes the difference for the patient, makes the difference for how deeply and thoroughly you root plane, makes the decision for whether you try again because you see some progress or you give up and refer or extract.

This is a reminder to myself that all the research and evidence, all the lecture information and advice, all the instruments and equipment are there for a purpose. If it exists, somebody must have found it important to take note of, so I should not dismiss the need for it so quickly.

And yes. I shall not be specalizing in perio, tqvm.