The new beachwear on Asos is so pretty! It's reviving my beach fantasy. Which to be honest is probably just a fantasy I cling on to so I still feel excited about something. The sort of thing where the anticipation is so much more delicious than the actual thing. But I don't care because that sort of giddy rush is the kind of thrill I live for most times.
It's like going out dancing. Chances are high that I don't have a great time after all and while riding a cab home, I vow never to go out clubbing again. Never ever ever again. Last time, I swear, I'm too old, I'm so over it, I hate the crowds, I hate when the music's bad, I'm always so tired.
Yet again and again the idea of it tempts me so much. Just like tonight, we were all watching movies and then club hits on Youtube on Ian's awesome HD TV (yes, HD TV still impresses me). Jamie and I just felt so excited we really really almost decided to go out right there and then. I may have resisted the urge tonight but I bet I'll give in sooner or later.
The potential of something is always a greater lure than the thing itself. I think that's the answer to why I can't bear the thought of living forever in Malaysia. In my mind, I feel trapped and terrified of being somewhere that does not have the prospect of bringing me something new, something unexpected, something I am probably searching for all my life but have not found. I cannot bear thinking that here I am doing the same old thing day in day out when I could be somewhere else, exposed to new possibilities.
It can be a dangerous thing to pursue, I think.
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