What a martyr I was today. What a martyr I've been the past few days actually.

Drove my sis around to cut leaves. Drove my sis to Tropicana Club and back for her prom preparations. Drove home and back from Tropicana to pick up her prom dress she forgot. Spent half an hour guarding the door and the rest of the night hovering around.

Didn't even claim a cent, except to vanquish some of my tiny debts (within the family, of course).

This is my only shot of the night with my sister. We didn't even get to take one with all 3 sisters. :( Poor Aggie.

So this is how those diet ads trick you.

It's almost a ritual for my sisters to make me try on old clothes from my parents and marvel at the size discrepancy.

Dress As Your Friend

I've never really given much thought to the meaning of clothes. Sure, everybody wants to look good, and looking good can mean anything to anybody: revealing less, revealing more, colour, monotone. But until we did our little social experiment this weekend, it never really hit me that I placed so much weight on fashion as part of my identity.

So my idea from Cougar Town finally materialized, that we would dress up as each other (drawing random lots) and see who would be the most successful, i.e. with the most number of people being able to guess who she was dressing as.

And the honest truth was that I felt really uncomfortable in my outfit. I wore a typical Shang get-up of jeans and a long sleeved traditional printed top. This was after I tried on another combination that I would have rather shot myself in the head than gone out in. Initially, I just felt quite unattractive and unstylish just because the style was so not me (probably too conservative, haha). It was definitely not just me because my friends were also comforting me, so to speak. At the end of the day, I finally managed to forget my outfit and stopped being self-conscious about the image I was portraying to people around me.

Still was glad to go home, though. Funnily enough, I've probably felt perfectly comfortable wearing this in my early teens. How times have changed.

Burst out laughing halfway, trying to do a classic Shang pose.

It was an interesting situation and apparently common, since everyone expressed some sort of discomfort or restriction in choosing and wearing their outfits. It makes me question how vain I really am, that who I am depends on what I wear. Okay, I've always been vain but it's a little disturbing to know that I'm that vain.

There we go, I make the best Shangky fo sho.

Of course, nobody could have guessed that we weren't really the people we looked like, or more precisely, the personalities our clothes suggested. The only people feeling weird in their skins were us. Food for thought, ooooooohh.

Bet you can't tell right? Yeah, it's an inside joke, folks.

Oh alright, from L to R it's Shang, Ale, Stef, Phyl, Shu and Pui.

I love my DKNY bag!

Yippeee!!

Me padre and his early Xmas gift, because he's not around for our Xmas Eve family party tomorrow.

Holiday Idleness

Tried the strawberry face mask. Which smelled totally edible but was so hard to scrub off my face became dehydrated instead.

Played around with glutinous rice balls.

Turned them into really disgusting shapes.

Spied on the Little Evil terrapin whose hobby is chasing the Big Benevolent terrapin.

Ran away when it started chasing me instead.

Food Frenzy

My family has this insane obsession with food. Especially now that it's the holidays, all we do is get up and loiter around until it's lunchtime. Then at about noon we start hovering around the kitchen, even more so when my grandma's visiting KL, and start pestering her about how long the food will take to be done. Then we wolf down several helpings.

Our ears perk up at the sound of dishes clanging, or the fridge door closing. When it's dinner time, we get excited at the sound of someone coming home because most likely they've brought food along.

In between main meals, we scavenge around for snacks: chips, pastries, ice cream, sandwiches, anything that looks good. Doesn't help that the fridge is also always stocked with juices, and some sort of leftover pasta or birthday cake.

So I've concluded, the only way to survive in my family is to have a high metabolic rate.

Finally got round to reading this and it's pretty good! Though I kinda skim through all the finance bits, because it's just beyond me. Then again, it's been a really long time since I've read a proper mystery novel so I'm not the best critic.

Shall go back to Singapore and read the rest of the books in the series, thanks to JP.

I've gone to A Little Dimsum Place at Jalan 23/70A, Desa Sri Hartamas a couple of times already since I've been back. I really love the food! Maybe a 3rd time will be one too many but so far I've eaten till I've been stuffed. Too bad they don't have a website, but there are some pictures of the yummy food at Go Where Eat.

Yummm, so glad we packed some leftovers to take home. Char siew pau!

One of the most important lessons in life that I'm trying every day to practise is to never allow myself to feel hurt by things I cannot control. If there's nothing I can do about it, then it's not within my circle of control, then there's no point feeling sad, rejected or upset about it. It's just not worth it.

McDonald Story

Isn't the point of having a choice of normal fries or Twister fries for us to be able to choose either one? And the point of having Sprite/Ice lemon tea/Coke/Milo/Ribena on the dispenser for us to choose what we'd like to drink?

The lady at the McDonald's counter at the airport clearly disagrees. I told her my burger orders one by one and immediately after said, 'Please change all the fries to Twister fries.' Right away, she looked really annoyed like I'd asked her to bring me fries from France. Then she started yelling for some guy to come over, because she didn't know how to edit the order on the cash register.

Then she demanded, 'All 5 cokes, right?' And out of sympathy, I said yes. Although in my mind I'd been planning my order of 2 Ribenas, 2 Milos and 1 Coke. Then (I think) I heard her bitching to the guy about last minute changing orders and 'babi betul' and I thought, what a bitch.

While I was waiting for the food to be packed, I looked into the take away bag and saw 7 burgers instead of the 5 I ordered. I got 4 double cheeseburgers instead of 2.

If they weren't the megarich megafranchise McDonald's, I'd probably consider telling them.

Booooring Balls on Flickr by Siebe

Christmas songs were playing the other day in the shopping center. I started feeling so light and happy, all warm and fuzzy inside. Couldn't stop myself from singing along to each one. Now I want to steal the CD so we can play it on Xmas Eve at home because the tracks were so soothing and calming. I hate CDs where the Christmas song covers sound fake or I don't recognize half of them.

Can't wait for Christmas! And the turkey and smoked salmon that's our latest tradition. And for the Secret Santa Dress Up competition. This has been one of the best holidays all year. :D

For a person who prides herself so much on being in control and never doing anything embarrassing, this week has been the pits.

I mean, I rather just sit out than try something new that looks 'fun' because I'll most likely fall or make a fool of myself. The same way I've never mastered the simple cartwheel because after a few fail attempts, I just hate looking stupid anymore.

So this week has really been the pits. I feel so embarrassed I want to bury my head in the ground.

2 take home messages:

1. Do not overestimate your driving - check left, right, back and front before moving anywhere and do not take chances with estimation.
2. Do not bitch about anybody, and do not multitask while bitching because you'll end up SMS-ing the person you're bitching about. And trust me, life sucks really bad in that awful moment of realization of what you've done.

Our room toilet's broken. Well, someone broke the sink and so the water on that side of the house is shut off.

Dad insisted on writing a sign and sticking it on the door. Which I kept pooh-poohing at, because why would we need it? Nobody else is visiting the house.

Until 5 minutes ago when I grabbed my towel and headed to the toilet only to be faced with 'DO NOT USE TOILET - NO WATER'.

Dad's always right.

Wisdom Teeth Heaven on Flickr by vanessa.paxton

This is getting to be too much. I'm getting the brunt of these occupational hazards.

Sometime ago, I dreamt that my sister Adelia has actually been wearing dentures all her life. That as I was talking to her I suddenly saw her denture tipping, and how she was struggling to keep her upper denture in place. And I got so angry at my mother for not bringing her to see a dentist when she was younger, that she allowed this to happen to my sister. I kept feeling so heartbroken for her embarrassment and difficulty, that I wanted to cry.

Last night, I dreamt that something happened to Mom, that all her upper teeth and alveolar bone got bashed in. And that I was examining the teeth but they were all loose, even the bone was falling off. (Sorry for the gruesome details, but it doesn't disgust me at all.) And I was crying again on the inside because I couldn't save her teeth. I kept thinking that okay, it's just these 3 teeth, then I would touch another one and discover it to be just hanging on by a thread, and it became 4, then 5, then the whole arch. It was awful. I started racking my brains for how she could have implants or overdentures and felt so terrible because I didn't know how she would take it or how to break the news.

What horrible nightmares. Don't think it's the sort anyone else will have, a nightmare over not being able to save someone's teeth.

Yup, I had lots of fun yesterday. Jumping is my hobby. (:

Let It Snow on Flickr by Tony N.

I've been home a few days and I've not yet met up with D'gang. And for the first time, that feels all right!

Sometimes I try to imagine life before leaving Malaysia, when all I wanted to do after school was come home, watch TV, slack the day away. When I never yearned for anything more, never felt any void other than a curiosity for the great world out there. But I can't recapture that feeling.

It is the complete opposite nowadays, a deep restlessness and unsettledness in me, that I usually manifest as fear of a lot of things, mostly related to relationships. Oh what I would give for a deep sense of peace, an unshakable faith!

This Christmas, I really want to look at my life as a whole, to cherish all the good things I've been blessed with, and also be grateful for all the not so good things. For you don't know what you don't know until you learn it the hard way.

Would be awesome if Malaysia could snow for just one day. Say, every 25th of December?

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Met up with IMU mates again. It's really nice that although we only knew each other for one semester, we've managed to keep in touch. It may not be the deepest of friendships, but I like it. It brings back fond memories of a time that could have very easily just vanished from my life. My little stint at IMU sometimes doesn't seem to have happened, if it weren't for the fact that these people exist. I am terribly glad that there are people out there who still care about keeping relationships going.

Signs of Dementia

1) Coming back home and feeling like something's different but you just can't quite put your finger on it. Is the couch new? Is the bed shorter? Did the dog get fatter? Are these my real parents?

2) Walking into a room and not being able to remember why you walked there in the first place.

3) Forgetting what you did the day before, or the day before that, or the day before that. And as you scramble through your memories, all you see is this huge void. What day is it today, in fact?

4) Chanting a to do list mantra to yourself in the shower and forgetting it the minute you step out. E.g. Pack shoes, wear vest, file notes, clip nails can become pack vest, wear shoes, clip notes and file nails.

5) The worst is waking up just completely confused. Like sometimes, my eyes open and I am completely disorientated: What just happened? Where am I? Which room is this? Whaa...?? Usually it's because I slept the other way round on the bed the night before.

It happens.

Nice. Looks like they've revamped Changi Airport Terminal 1 in the 3 months that I was land bound. Now we budget travellers no longer have to feel inferior to the grandeur of Terminal 3. Was so unaccustomed to my new surroundings that I Travellator-ed past my gate. Too used to my gate being the last one.

Another pleasant surprise: They put me in row 3 - the hot row. Just happened to check my ticket as they were announcing the hot row seats, and voila! 3D. The perks of being Capt FCW's kid. First in and first out, yippee.

I am so mad though that I'm going to miss yet another family vacation! And to the U.S.A.! Mom's bringing everybody to Las Vegas and LA or something, but I've school. This is such a dental school phenomenon, I've heard of at least a couple of other classmates who've been abandoned by their family for vacations as well. Just because are lives are structured and regimented for us. :(

Just Believe

There are no limits to our dreams, just believe (Explore) !.
Originally uploaded by dizanotti

I'm very worried I'm not doing things the right way. So far, the best method for coping has been to not think about it and hope that when I wake up one day, it'll all be gone. Is that just a ticking bomb?

But I keep reminding myself that I've got to live the life I claim to believe. To live out that life means to believe that this is all part of a plan. That there's no room for sadness or melancholy, especially when deep down you know it's just familiarity and comfort drawing you back, nothing more.

Just believe and everything else falls away, like shedding your old skin.

Film Sleepy

Heard this on the radio today: About a poor director who kept getting reviews like 'Snoozefest' for her films. So she decided to become an entrepreneur and make films that intentionally put people to sleep. A genre called film sleepy.

I thought it was pretty amusing.

Something about this holiday feels different. Like my life is my own again and I've lots of plans, lots of motivation to do things.

The past 2? 3? breaks have been all about escaping, through sleep, through friends, through desperately doing things. I did as much as I could because I had to, or I'd have gone mental. This time there's no deep dark urgency. It feels... lighter.

Nice to notice these little signs of progress. (:

The Cinema Experience

Forgot how much fun movies can be when you're not watching a show after 12 hours in school and struggling to stay awake.

When movie watching is still a special occasion and not a weekly routine, it's actually pretty exciting. I love trailers! I like being wowed by information like: Tron which stars Olivia Wilde is by Disney. This is only an interesting piece of info because I follow E! Online on Twitter and Olivia Wilde said she tried to make herself ugly in this film so that she could be sexy in spite of herself.

I always make the same movie mistake, though. Believing that I am tough enough to stand the cold. Despite the million times I end up freezing in the cinema, I always leave the house with false confidence that this time I won't feel cold. Today I ended up sharing a scarf with Sa-ee, bless her presence.

The funniest part of the whole HP7 movie was when Ron disappeared after wearing the Horcrux and there was the scene where Hermione tied a scarf around a tree. Sa-ee turned to me and asked, 'Huh, so Ron turned into a tree?' At first I was so confounded that for a moment, I was racking my brains for any recollection of the book. Then I asked Athalie what happened to Ron. Then I realized how ridiculous it was and I had a major laughing fit. Every time I thought about it later on during the show, I would laugh to myself again.

HP7's not bad, by the way.

The occasion deserves a tribute: at long last, I can recuperate and get a life back. Praise the heavens!

Emotional Genes

You really are a product of your upbringing. Sometimes you dismiss a person's excuses as just blaming her family, not taking responsibility for her own actions. But you can't help but wonder how much of you resembles your father or mother, unconsciously.

Try as I might, I cannot help resembling my mother. It's not even a self fulfilling prophecy, a result of deciding beforehand the type of person I am and stepping into the role. Sometimes, I simply cannot control my emotional reactions of being jealous, upset, or wanting to be the most important person in someone else's life, craving attention.

I try to deny it but I am just as sensitive as my mother. The exact trait of hers that exasperates me is the same trait that I inherited.

Then again, my mother would be the person to tell me that this characteristic of mine is also my quality.

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Just had sharing session with the family. New Family Time. And Jaydon prays that God will make him strong enough to carry a 7 pound bowling ball, as well as teach him how to throw a ball properly.

God and Jesus are the people he loves the most-est, his Mom, Mama and Athalie most-er, and I am 3rd. Hmph! Not that I've the right to complain, when I'm always shooing him away. Guess I should be glad I'm even on his list.

Originally uploaded by traptor • tina crespo

Quite funny how I seem to think God can't understand dental terms when I pray to Him. I hesitate before mentioning technical terms, in the same way I choose words when explaining to a layperson.

Christmas is coming!

Sigh, next term is my make or break term. And I'm really scared. After that it'll be year 4 and it feels like no more time.

Clinics are so stressful. Dentistry is so stressful.

Signed and Stamped Thumbelina cel set-up
Originally uploaded by scadspc

Let me be your wings
Let me be your only love
Let me take you far beyond the stars
Let me be your wings
Let me lift you high above
Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours
Anything that you desire
Anything at all
Everyday I'll take you higher
And I'll never let you fall

Let me be your wings
Leave behind the world you know
For another world of wondrous things
We'll see the universe
And dance on Saturn's rings
Fly with me and I will be your wings

Anything that you desire
Anything at all
(Anything at all)
Everyday I'll take you higher
And I'll never let you fall

You will be my wings
(Let me be your wings)
You will be my only love
Get ready for another world of wondrous things

We'll see the universe
And dance on Saturn's rings
Heaven isn't too far
Heaven is where you are
Stay with me and
Let me be your (You will be my) wings

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So many old cartoons I like were by this Don Bluth guy. Wonder what happened to him, and when Walt Disney became the king instead. Shrug.

Mr KJI

What with the latest megalomania going on in the world, I came across this website in Google. Not knowing much before about Kim Jong Il, I am now very enlightened.

An American Tail

An American Tail Originally uploaded by clactonradio

Feels so different to watch things then and now. I remember all the tunes but watching with understanding actually gives the show a plot. So what do kids really absorb when they're watching? I know I always felt sad during this show, because it was also my worst fear to be separated from my family, and to know that my parents would be crying and terrified to have lost me.

Some running commentary while I'm watching:

Wow, the Mousekewitz were Russian immigrants to America!
They actually thought there were no cats in America??
Fievel was such a naughty kid, not unlike another naughty kid I know.
Groan, Fievel and his family crossed paths so many times...
So cute, the mice children are voiced by kids who sing off pitch.
What the, where's part 6 on YouTube???
Bleh.
Guess I'll just watch Fievel Goes West. Come to think of it, I actually liked that sequel so much more.

Diet Plan

This blog has become entirely frivolous and personal, all about me me me. Well, it always has been, but when it first started, I used to try to write meaningful stuff. Now, it's just this diary, because I love writing in diaries, but my handwriting is really awful. Typing's second nature.

I resolve to become healthier (amongst other things like more organized, more optimistic and more spiritual). Realize my body's becoming cranky. Can't do anymore of the late night suppers, binge eating, frequent snacking. Can't do anymore of the morning, afternoon, night spicy food. I keep getting indigestion and tummy aches. Not to mention my teenage acne has continued as adult acne. New studies need to be done to correct all those puberty acne lies.

So here's a sample of my new life routine I have in mind:

Standard weekday (only excerpts of the healthy life aspect)
0630: Milo/Nestum/Milk
1300: Fish soup and rice, juice
2030: Mama's cooking (a well balanced plate of food, no seconds)
2200: Brisk walk/run

Standard weekend
1200: Packed rice (veg, meat, 3rd healthy choice) OR sandwich with ham, cheese, lettuce, tomatoes OR fish soup and rice
1800: Another healthy dinner with proper food pyramid portions
2200: Brisk walk/run

Note: No suppers, no oily/fatty food, no fast food, no junk food, no spicy food

I can do it.

Flashback

thrifted ohio art toy tv on Flickr by doe-c-doe

ZOMG. I am rewatching the Chipmunk Adventure for the 2nd time in a week. Haha!

Was reminiscing the good oldies with Ruthie and realized how it's always the songs that give me the strongest connection to the show. I don't know who to thank for this but I do remember always having soundtracks of the shows and memorizing all the songs to all the Disney shows. Playing them over and over again and singing along with my sisters. Watching the same old tapes on the VCR again and again, lying on the mattress on the floor.

I had such a wonderful childhood.

It's also so interesting how everyone grew up with such different childhood shows, and how some people watched the same ones while others didn't. Wonder if it's a culture thing or a generational thing. Or just the amount of exposure you get, considering how most of our awesome tapes were bought by my parents for sure. I have them to thank for all my beloved old cartoons.

And how I miss LDs! Going to the LD shop and browsing the huge huge plastic covers, smelling the plastic, and renting the latest movie out. Bringing it home, taking out the large disc and holding it just that way before putting it in. There was never the problem of quality unlike the pirated VCDs we also bought.

And music cassettes! My first Britney Spears' album was a cassette! It had an A side and a B side, with Baby One More Time on side A and Email My Heart on side B. Ruth just reminded me rewinding - oh goodness, rewinding, what an ancient notion! I could never figure out which side had to face out to play the side. And I still remember our old gray stereo with the transparent hinge opening door for the cassette.

How blessed I was and I never even realized it. How amazing that this is the kind of warmth and tenderness one can feel towards their past, all thanks to loving and amazing parents.

Feeling really blah this week. About school, about people and about myself.

Need a pick-me-upppp.

Whatever, and who cares seem to be constants in my self comfort vocabulary these days.

Suddenly just felt so helpless again, watching how solid and steady others are, how they're progressing. While I feel absolutely no confidence trying again and no more illusions as to how perfect it can be.

Okay, moment over. Back to positivity and optimism!

On A Roll

Movies I've watched in the past few days:

The Parent Trap
A Chipmunk Adventure
The Emperor's New Groove
Peter Pan
Lady and the Tramp

Oldies are the best.

Peter Pans Out

I am majorly disappointed.

I think I really dreamt up that whole scene in Peter Pan. I've rewatched the show a few times (and there's only the recent sequel, right?) but it doesn't exist. :(

It goes something like Wendy doing all the washing of the clothes in this outdoor scene for the Lost Boys. Then they show hut by hut of the Lost Boys' houses (I vaguely remember a mushroom shaped home) and Wendy's washing by the water. I can picture it clearly still, after so many years.

Looks like it was just a long ago dream.

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Eep! I just finished rewatching the cartoon and another thing I remember seems to also be a figment of my imagination! I dreamt that at the end, the ship sent all the different kids home to their individual families. Okay, I bet this was in the live movie version. I can't be that imaginative.

Mind Theory

Sounds like something I read in A Beautiful Mind. Speaking of which, where did that book go? Starting with Stieg Larsson's series now, with titles of all those exotic girls kicking and killing exotic animals. It's nice to have a popular series set in Sweden, where they talk about European places like people would talk about New York or London, like 'Oh, this old famous place which everybody knows.' Awesome.

So my new theory which I came up with while arguing with Lian-ee was on why I always study with the TV or a computer show playing. I used to never do that, back when I was young and my mind was untarnished. But nowadays, I do it for a couple of reasons.

First, my mind's always wandering. So TV plays the role of the wandering mind. With my mind trying to multitask and working on not paying attention to the background noise, it focuses on my notes the same way I would try not to think about other things while I study without noise. So instead of my mind finding its own thoughts to get distracted by, I put it to work trying not to be distracted by the white noise.

The other way it works is by just exhausting myself with watching shows either before or in between studying. Till my mind's so tired that it can't get distracted anymore and everything I read is absorbed just like that. This is also the same theory of why studying very late at night or very early in the morning (i.e. when you're supposed to be asleep) is great, because you're half asleep so you only have the energy to focus on one thing, the words in front of you.

I always feel so pleased when I understand myself a little better every day.

Bad Hair Day on Flickr by lighthack

The ironic thing about good hair days is that they don't happen when you need them. Instead it's when you're sitting at home all alone on a Saturday night, eating instant noodles you cooked that your hair has the perfect shape and waviness, and your not greasy, not flat, not flyaway fringe falls perfectly over your forehead.

Life's usually like that.

My Heart on Paper on Flickr by Sasha Bell

Watched RED today with the line, after Nasi Padang at Zion Road. I love Malay food, even more than I like Indian food. Except that there were no veggies, but otherwise I could have stuffed my face forever. Probably just Boon & I were still going on while the others had put their spoon and fork down.

RED's nice. I don't watch TV anymore so I had no idea what the show was going to be about. Imagined it to be some artsy French movie, but right, should have known better. It was pretty funny, though. And pretty obvious that some jokes were only funny to the 4 or 5 of us. Like the 'dentist' joke the crazy old man made. And I am still quite tickled by my year 1 junior, who I realize is a little blur (if you're reading this, I mean it as an endearing trait). He tried to tell Anwar where he was waiting, but couldn't pronounce L'Occitane so we moved location (actually, I forgot too how to say the name). And he turned around and lost us when we just walked a few meters away.

All in all, it's nice to have a full social life again. It's nice not to feel like someone's missing in my life. I didn't realize how long I'd been running on Crazy Mode, but ever since I got attached in JC, I've been mentally exhausted for years. And this long long dry spell has semi restored me back to my teenage care-free years. I hope I stay there for awhile longer, recuperate some more. :)

Walk Briskly

Ahhhh. Body feels back on track! Forgot that Lian-ee's always on for exercise. So now, whenever I feel like a dental chair potato, I'll grumble to her and she'll immediately bring us out for a walk. That's twice in a week already. To run is so intimidating, but to walk - it implies scenic views, nice fresh air, space to clear your head. But if you walk long and fast enough, you get almost as good results. Running always feels awful, until it's over, then you feel awesome. Think I'm going to convert to a brisk walker from now.

So tonight we went to Seletar Reservoir again. There were at least 50 cars parked there but hardly 3 or 4 groups of people walking around. It's pretty gross that they're doing whatever they're doing in such close proximity to each other. Bleugh.

Oh, and I feel awful. I killed a snail. Crushed its shell. And may have sent another flying into the air with a kick.

2 weeks of school left, and the thought of hols is so refreshing! This term has been so crazy slack, it's like a taste of working life. But hols trump school any day.

Internet Identity

Modern day kitty gets the mouse!
Originally uploaded by tryingtolearn USA

Ever feel like some people are much easier to talk to online than in person?

I mean, it's a common issue, always appearing in columns, about how the modern generation has lost the art of conversation. Of how people feel less inhibited online, and their true (?) personality comes on. People sound funnier, have sharper wit, have more time to think about replies and can say things they normally wouldn't dare to try face to face.

However, I think that a big factor is your own imagination, not so much the actual person you're talking to. Behind the screen, you're just talking to a stream of words. Without a face or a voice, without intonation or expression, those words could come from anybody. It's easy to visualize and superimpose your own fantasy onto the person you're talking to. If you're lonely enough, every sentence can sound like a flirtatious line. Everything they say could have a double meaning. Anyone can feel close to someone they're chatting to, just by (mis)interpreting things the way they like it.

So kids, the Internet is a dangerous place.

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I have 3 sets of different sized rubber pieces for my earphones. I lost one of the M sized pair. While opening the case to exchange it for the S sized pair, I lost an S sized earpiece. So now I only have L sized ones. Annoying.

I like the Time & Reader's Digest subscriptions that come in regularly. I read Times like it's an English oral examination. I just feel pleased when I can follow whatever global happenings is printed on the pages. I feel smart for about 5 minutes then just forget everything. If you ask me anything about current affairs, I will stare at you blankly.

Reader's Digest: Ah, the light stuff. Life tips, like how to put aspirin on your zit. Jokes, 3-4 sections of jokes that I immediately flip through when I get my hands on the paperback.

Yup, lazy Saturdays.

Old Me Has Gotta Go

I've learnt an insane amount from the past 2 years. And most times my mind is so lucid, I can see so clearly what I must implement. I can see that I need to get rid of clingy, insecure, emotional, crazy sms-ing me. Not just to redeem myself (which is my desperate driving force) but for my own good. Because I aspire to be a chillax girl, a girlfriend who my guy finds comfort being himself with, not stress and anxiety trying to comfort.

But it's all too easy to fall back. To be triggered by memories to react the way my old self would. And to wake up the next day extra depressed that instead of reminding the person of who he fell in love with, you're reminding him of who he broke up with.

So I need to quit this habit.

And ultimately, I gotta do it for myself. Nobody else. So that I respect and love the person I am.

So I vow to get closer to God, to truly be transformed from inside. So that my change towards naturally positive thoughts is not forced behaviour but who I truly am from within.

:D

I am close to puking, from overeating. Had XO Sly Fish Noodles at Dover with the guys where I consumed to bursting. On the train home, I started getting phone calls from home asking why I was never home. Feels like JC all over again. So to pacify the home folks, I said I was on the way back and would be eating. Am eating my 2nd dinner now.

This week has been good, except for the horrible sinusoidal pattern of that part of my life. Someday, I am going to just cut out my heart and feed it to the dogs. Then I can continue my future peacefully, devoid of painful feelings.

So a few days ago, I woke up with a huge swollen eye. This is not the first time exciting things have happened to me when I regain consciousness. About 2 days ago, I woke up and went to the loo, blind as a bat as usual, when I felt liquid suddenly gush out my nose, and I knew from vast experience it was blood. Don't ask me why.

Think my eye has healed sufficiently that I can wear contact lenses. This is not per doctor's instructions (who told me twice clearly that I could not wear lenses for 2 weeks, after which she broke it down to 4 days + 10 days, to be more explicit). But I think my conjunctiva can handle it.

My eye, it BURNS.

Just tried the new antibiotic ointment given to me by the ophthalmologist. The pharmacist told me not to let the nozzle touch anything, to just squeeze it into my lower lid and let it swirl around to reach my upper lid.

At first nothing came out, then like freaking ketchup the ointment couldn't stop coming out. So much for not touching the nozzle, I wiped it again and again on the tissue, held it with pressure but the ointment just kept oozing out like a worm, if I didn't cap it, it probably would have oozed out a Guinness World Record length of 100 meters. It probably came out 1 meter's worth already (I kid you not).

And 10 seconds into application, my eye burned so much I washed it off anyway.

Class95 and their love songs. Listened to 3 emo songs in succession and almost disappeared into myself.

Whitney Houston's All At Once
Eric Clapton's Blue Eyes Blue
Colbie Caillat's I Never Told You

Malaysian Malay Wedding on Flickr by NPNG!

Walked past a ginormous entourage of motorcyclists today, posse to a Malay wedding car. They were honking and revving their bikes, creating a huge racket below the HDB flat.

And then the smell of Malay food reached our noses. Not too sure what the distinct smell is, but it's probably rendang, curry, sambal and all those spicy spices.

Seeing all those Malay folk dressed up for a wedding made me suddenly miss one thing for the first time: Malaysia's multicultural friendships. Never really appreciated the different-ness of being in my friends' houses, like Nat and Golo (let's not talk about Shang who's never let us in to her house without force, haha), and the awesome food. And just being in a different kind of atmosphere and vibe, where the house layout is different, the furniture's unique, and the religious idols/decorations/ornaments are the identity of the person. You're a little more wary of your actions and mannerisms, because you're afraid to do something that will be out of culture or offensive.

Takes me back to my childhood, or more accurately, teenagehood. How marvelous it is the way friendships blossom, from tentative self invites to each others' houses to treating each others' homes like your own home. How shy people like me meet more vibrant, exciting people like some friends of mine and start to open up. Start to be less hesitant in giving and taking in the friendship, less careful and ultimately, much closer as friends.

Just Googled Malay wedding pictures and the photos reminded me of the awesome Malay wedding processions, with the shiny fake tree fronds and the awesome kompang!

Back to the Malay wedding. I really really wanted to just pop by and say 'Tahniah!' and hope they'd invite me for their kenduri.

Getting desperate. Must. Use. Shades. Must. Go. Out. In. Daylight.

How about an East Coast Park Outing?

Just Say No

Just say NO! on Flickr by grl_interrupted

There are 2 things in life (and more, but currently 2) I just cannot say no to. When the impulse comes, it seems like the greatest idea in the world and I start feeling like doing it will make me feel happy, doing it is good and fine and dandy. Then the next day I just feel like slapping myself.

So to one, I'm going to strive harder to JUST SAY NO. To the other, I've been telling myself to stop for ages. But I don't know.

I know I'm doing a lot of things just to occupy my time so that I don't feel anything. And it feels good to get attention from someone in that past life, even though I know the person's nature. It just feels good to be cared for, that you're indispensable to his friends, even if you are to him. But I didn't realize how much it sucked to know I'm investing more into it than the reciprocating party once again. How lame it felt to stay back and wait, only to be the outsider to the scene.

Which would've been okay, except that being the outsider with nothing to talk about, no common grounds for conversations brought me back to how awful it felt when I went out with your friends at first. How scared I was and how worried I was that I couldn't click with them, because I didn't live the life any of you had and I didn't have the confidence that anything I said would interest them. The worst part was knowing deep down that I didn't have that with you either. That I couldn't turn to you for comfort and security in the knowledge that we were tight so it didn't matter if me and your friends couldn't connect. The worst part was secretly feeling and knowing that the two most important people, you and I, couldn't connect either.

And tonight brought it all back. The helpless feeling of wanting so much to be with someone but not knowing how to connect with the person. Wanting to feel so safe in the little bubble of having common interests, inside jokes, reading each others' minds with just half a sentence said, but having much too few of those moments. Just too few to be worth salvaging. Maybe even none at all.

Never would've thought it would feel this bad, caring for somebody you just can't emotionally or intellectually get on the same page with. And trying your best to stop picturing how someone else can.

Jigsaw Puzzles

jigsaw piece, on Flickr by emma spanton

They used to be my life. After the Barbie phase.

They would be my incentive for studying. I'd work hard to get top positions, just for the moment where I could step into Jigsaw World in the shopping mall, and get my hands on one of the latest jigsaw puzzles. There would be shelf after shelf of beautiful beautiful puzzle boxes, even a room with glow in the dark puzzles displayed. And I would slowly challenge myself with bigger and bigger sizes, up till 2000 pieces. I loved those panoramic jigsaws from Disney!

The jigsaw routine would be to set up a large mahjong table (or two) and slowly begin somewhere, anywhere, by referencing the puzzle box cover. Jigsaws have to be built in parts, because it's so difficult to do it systematically. So the table becomes full of separate growing islands, and it's so exhilarating when you find the one piece that joins the two islands into a peninsula.

I'd work into the night, and sometimes get annoyed that nobody was helping me. But then I'd go to sleep, and sometimes the next day, some new pieces would be added, and I knew that Dad or one of my sisters had been to work (or kaypohed) while I was asleep. A few times, I'd find a totally wrong piece put in in the wrong direction or something, and I usually suspected it was Adelia (who was less coordinated at that time) or Mom (who is less coordinated most times).

My biggest regret has always been the world map jigsaw puzzle which I had to abandon. Probably 2000 pieces (don't think I ever tried a 3000 or 4000?). But I'll have to confirm, IF the box still exists. Large parts were already coming together, but life got in the way and I never got around to finishing it. It collected dust for months until finally, I had to clear the table to make space for guests. My jigsaw puzzle making bedroom had to make way for visitors, and I was forced to break it down into parts and put it back into the box. I tried my best to preserve it, but I never went back to finish it. And probably never will.

I'll never forget that puzzle.

Someday, I am going to rediscover that hobby. The only problem is the lack of wall space and aesthetic cohesiveness of the puzzles. The only way to save your finished work is to frame, and the only way to display them is to hang them up. Which is what has happened to my family home, a big eclectic mish-mash of puzzles on every wall surface.

Anyone know how else to archive completed puzzles?

School

Every term, there are about 9 or 10 weeks. In between, there are 3 or 4 weeks of holidays.

Every term, I claw my way through the weeks, to live to see the holidays.

Every time I come back to school, I go through the first few weeks in the 'Back From Holidays' mood. I do things like school is a foreign concept, I procrastinate, and I keep wanting to go home early and not put in any effort, because I can't get out of the holiday spirit.

Nearing the end of term, towards the last few weeks, I get into the 'Holidays Are Coming' mood, and I start leaving school early again, leaving my work for next term, procrastinating patient lab work, coming in to school late, because I'm already preparing for the holiday spirit.

That leaves about 1 week in between for any actual productivity. This term, that one week has come and gone. I think it was last week, when I actually stayed back to set up denture teeth and actually rushed my FP so I could take the competency.

It's the end of week 6, and it's practically the start of hols for me. Whee.

The Theory of Omens

Keep Calm & Carry On [e] on Flickr by drenay dreanna [craving Bieber]

My lab partner believes in signs. Not the alien kind, but good and bad luck events that determine if it's your 'Make or Break Day'. In his words, 'Make It or Break It Day'.

So, yesterday, I was hoping to squeeze 2 patients into one session. And while we were queueing for herbal soup in Science, suddenly the 'Black Herbal Chicken' sign was slapped onto the 'Available' board just right above my head, when it was my turn to order. Right there and then, I knew I was going to make it. Black Herbal Chicken's my favourite flavour, incase you couldn't tell. And yes, yesterday was a pretty good day.

This morning, a very mysterious incident occurred. I took the lift, which is unusual (since I live one floor above ground) and in the lift was this 50-60 year old man. He was very smiley and said good morning a few times and held the lift door for me to exit. So I walked out of the condo all the way to cross the road where I wait at the bus stop every morning. As I was in the middle divider of the road, I noticed this sedan driving at about 10km/h, super slow mo, everybody behind overtaking him. I remember thinking, 'Gosh who's this learner driver at such an early hour?'

To my surprise, the car rolled to a stop in front of me (still on the lane further away from the divider) and it was the old man! He asked, 'You heading to town?' and I was so stunned, I gave my auto polite stranger face and replied, 'No, it's okay' with a genial smile. And he looked pretty embarrassed as he rolled up his window quickly and drove away. My eyeballs were almost popping out honestly.

Next in my exciting life: I finally went jogging after months! Gosh, I felt so happy running, finally lifting my foot more than a few inches off the floor, finally feeling blood rush to my head. Then I got a left thumb cramp. Which sucked a little.

And now I'm feeling very pleased, because I opened the fridge and found Pokka Cloudy Apple flavour drink! I don't know what that is, but it tastes really thirst quenching. Loves.

Tonight, I also renew my vow to stay strong, be patient, endure, keep optimistic, more fervently banish bad thoughts of the future and past from my mind, and to just be the best person I can be. Sunshine and laughter. Rainbows and butterflies. Birds and the bees. Lady and the tramp. Walt Disney. I can go on forever.

Shoe Stress

This is going to be one retarded post.

I am terribly stressed over owning so many pairs of expensive shoes which I don't take care of. They're so ex, I don't wear them that often, yet their heels are all scratched.

And I have 3 new pairs (all spanning from 3 months to more than a year old) but they're just sitting there, because they're too uncomfortable or inappropriate for school. I can't wear them clubbing cos' I can't dance in them, but I've nobody to go out on fancy dinner dates with where I can just sit down and let my feet look pretty.

I am terribly stressed because I'm letting them go to rot. And I feel I'm not treating my shoes right and getting my money's worth of them.

People, this is a real situation. A crisis. Help!

Random Happy Moments

1. Realizing the waxed lab floor is great for spins in my Birks.
2. Spotting super hot guys (even if they're gay).
3. Looking in the mirror at clear skin.
4. Laughing out loud at a funny joke on Modern Family.
5. Thinking of Mom getting my new clothes from Miami.
6. Rereading a bible passage and finding new significance to it (thanks, BSF).
7. Marvelling at a new Jaydon idea.
8. Relief of a familiar face that makes you smile when the weight of being in school is tearing you down.
   

Doubt & Fear

. on Flickr by slaapdronken

It is just so damn hard to put my faith in God and things unseen/yet to come when I only know how to put my faith in things I can see. Like successful endeavors, material possessions and above all, successful/loving/emotionally fulfilling relationships.

It's really difficult to keep looking forward, telling yourself your time will come when the only things you are sure of are the things you already have. Sometimes it's all I can do to endure wanting what I can't have. It's like trying to make yourself believe that there will be something better, when you secretly feel sure there's nothing better. And on top of that, you get to be tortured everyday with being reminded of what you lost, as well as watch the progress of things.

It's like it actually feels worse the more time has passed. It emphasizes my continual downward curve against your continual upward curve. And the more I'm supposed to accept things, the more I struggle to. I refuse to acknowledge how this is your destiny, because it makes me the stupid one who can't move on.

I hate how I keep making this the most important thing in my life. But it's as though I've opened Pandora's Box and I can never go back to not knowing what it's like.

I am just waiting for the day when I can look back at all this and feel nothing but humour at my silly obsession. To be in such a better place that I will have absolutely no emotional reaction to the past at all.

It's Halloween tomorrow!

No, I'm not doing anything, same as every year. I've probably only dressed up once? When I was that detective in the ginormous trench coat and smoke pipe for Phyl's Halloween party. Last year I had grand dreams to go clubbing as a fairy. But this year, there's Paedo test next week and I'm all partied out (refer: previous post).

So instead, I'm watching the usual themed episodes on TV. Cougar Town's Halloween episode is so funny because the costumes are so genius. We should totally dress up as each other, as your own friends. Except that in Singapore, nobody's too distinct in their dressing.

Even this cat is going to have more fun than me this Hallow's Eve.

Give Me Meaning

I desperately need something meaningful in life.

List of possible meaningful things in life:

1. Charity work
2. Skillful hobby
3. A relationship
4. A pet
5. Dentistry
6. Church/God

Number 3 is out.
Number 4 is not going to happen when I spend about 3 waking hours at home everyday.
Number 5, I feel a huge obligation towards, especially after all the JN talks about my lack of 'owning the patient' and 'need to observe the way other operators speak'. But it's terribly hard to get out of my mentality of prioritizing number 3 above everything else in life.
Number 6, I try. It's more of a back up life saver than my energy fuel. Story of my life.
So it's down to number 1 or 2. Yeahhhhhh. I'll think about it.

Official Worst Day Ever

Today, I spent most of my time hugging the toilet bowl. Must be the mushrooms. My biggest worry is that I'm dying without realizing it, of low BP and lack of nutrition.

On the other hand, my eczema/rash is finally gone! My skin's finally smooth again. For today at least.

Save Mother Earth

58/365; Mother Earth on Flickr by Rachel. Elizabeth

Finally! It's my chance to save the earth!

My usual roommates (to whom I can thank for turning the bedroom into a room where you really only crawl into bed when it's time to sleep) are out of town!

It's time to do my part and... sleep without aircon!

Let's hope that one night of less energy and heat produced can make up for those few cans I did not recycle, all the times I leave the water running or the TV on and all those tissues I just used instead of a towel.

Yup, save the world!

-----
Ooh, them not being home also means I can finally wake up tomorrow and see my clothes in the light! I can actually choose what I want to wear by vision and not tactile sensation! I can colour match!

Gosh. I miss having my own room. :(

More Cabby Convers

The number of cabby convers I have either indicate how many cab rides I take or how many chatty cabdrivers I get. Maybe it's the same for everybody.

In today's episode, the old man started by asking if I was a teacher because I kept saying, 'Correct' to everything (in Mandarin). It's kinda hard to know what's the usual young person's slang when you don't speak the language. Wonder what kind of class/race/profession I sound like when I try.

Then we somehow went onto Malaysia, and the language plunged into Cantonese. Can't really decide which is worse for me. But I ended up speaking the worst Canton-English ever for the next 15 minutes. I don't suppose he realized that most of my verbs, nouns, pronouns and adjectives were in English, with some Cantonese conjunctions.

In summary, the cabby concluded that as a dentist, it's going to be very difficult for me to find a boyfriend. Which I agreed to. And his advice was that if any doctor comes along, showing an interest in me, I should quickly grab it. Which I agreed to (in a non committal manner).

Even a stranger knows my future is sad and gray.

The blue Sailor's Song on Flickr by MINT ICETEA

Was kept up tossing and turning from 5am to 7am, until I finally took some Panadol. In between I had several dreams, one of which was that I had a bunch of really tiny tiny hamsters. But the moment I put them down, they vanished. I kept looking and looking around the floor but they were simply gone.

I think my dreams fall into a few categories:
1) Completely ludicrous
2) Completely real

The completely real dreams can be further divided into:
a) Neutral dreams - Where I wake up confused if they happened or not.
These kind of dreams go along the line of Elmer, my primary schoolmate telling me we have homework to do. Then I wake up and go look for the homework but it was just a dream.

b) Happy dreams - Things I want to happen, or old wonderful memories relived.
Dreaming of being with the person you love, with family, doing fun things. You wake up feeling great, or really sad that your subconscious still wants some things so badly but they can never happen again.

c) Awful dreams - The manifestation of your fears, your horrific imaginations or the things you witnessed that you suppressed at the time.
Everything I imagined in my head that gave me so much pain comes alive in the dream and I wake up horrified that my mind is so astute. Quite amazing how the fragmented fears and thoughts I have in the day can become such well developed events, complete with beginning and end, when I'm asleep at night.

Freaking irritated.

It's like there are freaking ants crawling over the whole house and my body. Or I'm freaking allergic to something. And I've no patience to grow my freaking fringe long cos' it's freaking itching me. Any second now and I'm going to cut it and tomorrow I'll wake up in regret.

No, seriously. Are there freaking ants in the water supply? Or did they all just decide to climb into my cup to drown?

Jaydon Is Now 7

Today was Jaydon's birthday celebration. Today was also the day I wore all black to church. This all black thing is starting to grow on me. Colour's becoming overrated.

I really like how Sa-ee always puts so much effort into the little details. Nothing on the scale of Party Planner but she's got cute musical note patterned napkins, coloured plastic eating utensils, multicoloured Tupperware containers (the perks of being Tupperware's sales ambassador), streamers, doorgifts and other thoughtful things. I am one who, although want things to be neat and tidy, get so overwhelmed at where to start that I just let things get messier and messier. It's the Defeated Before You Try syndrome. Sa-ee on the other hand always finds the cutest trinkets to keep things in and can do a table/bathroom/bedroom revamp while I'm away. It's the kind of thing that makes you so happy to come home to. The ultimate housewife. Who I will never be. T.T

Bad habit of always making things about me.

So it was a food, or good, day. Curry chicken and bread, beehoon and mixed veg, spaghetti bolognaise, awesome baked chicken and potatoes, tarts, icecream cake. Only the best of the best. The only downside was having to turn a deaf ear to screaming kids for, oh about 5 hours? Halfway I managed to take a nap too, in a thankfully soundproof bedroom.

I think my passivity is very much cultivated/inherited from some members of my family. I can count several reclusive antisocial people (RP, JP, LilC, to anonymously name a few). And I'm also one of them. People like me have such low energy that we rather just sit back and watch the proceedings without taking part in any of it. People like me imagine about exciting things to do in life rather than actually go do it. For people like me, the anticipation and the fantasy is always so much better than real life, to a point that real life can seem so dissatisfying. Then I start to wonder what's wrong with me, why is my life so boring and meaningless, isn't there something more? Something better than this?

Just a thought.

I did have a good time though. The sweetest part of the day (that made all the obnoxious behaviour a thing of the past) was when Jaydon was about to cut his cake. He'd just blown his candles and he suddenly exclaimed, 'Wait I've to make my wish! Oh, actually I've already made my wish. And my wish already came true. I wished that all of you would be able to celebrate my birthday with me!' And before he was going to start the cake cutting and birthday song singing, he kept looking for Mama, waiting for her to take part in the ceremony. Except that Mama was having a massage (haha).

Sniff.

Stoked

I moved out of hall sometime in March but I still have things in luggage bags and various places that can't fit in the closet space at home. Today I opened up those bags and found:

1. Venus Razor Refills
2. Cucumber Eyegel
3. 2 months worth of Focus Dailies (Which I had despaired over losing)

I am stoked!

Dental School

Year 2 to Year 1

Year 3 to Year 2

I think maybe only the Year 3s and 4s have a true common ground for discussion and understanding. For me, at least. I won't speak on behalf of those who clearly have immense preparation for new things. Ahem.

The Friday Which Stretched Into Saturday

Went night cycling last night with Temasek Hall people, none of whom I knew. This is not reflective of the hall but of me, because having stayed there for 1 1/2 years, I never really made any new friends. Correction, I really never made any new friends. So everyone was new to me, and though it was snail speed in coming, I finally did make conversation and get to know people.

Before this grand event, I was on the MRT home. On my right sat an army guy whose pungent odour preceded him. I literally could not breathe because the molecules in the air were choking my nostrils. In that moment I realized what poor lung capacity I now have (compared to previous abilities to hold my breathe for more than 1 minute underwater). Was trying to breathe through my mouth, then trying to hold my breath while taking intermittent gulps of air, but I was starting to feel like a panic attack was oncoming. Finally settled for breathing facing the opposite direction while plastering my relatively better smelling hands to my nose. Don't think he got the hint.

On my left was an old auntie who was trimming her nails (with nails flying).

Anyway, back to night cycling.

It was really fun, overall. But somewhere after the 3rd stop, I fully appreciated the importance of soft chairs, soft beds and cushions. A bike is not meant to be sat on for more than a few hours. Lance Armstrong would know.

The night is sort of broken down into a few phases. I mean my mental and physical condition, not cycling phases. At first, everyone starts off excited and their muscles are all limber. At the first stop, it's so exciting to see a sea of orange shirted people, and everyone wants to save their stomachs for better food. For the next few hours, you start getting really sleepy. At the stops, you keep checking your watch in disbelief that it's only 12am, it's only 2am. And suddenly you're ravenous. Started eating all the frog porridge and tau huey with abandon.

After that it's all a daze. All you can think about is how to not move too much so you don't get abrasion in the nether regions. But by then just getting on and off is a huge pain. You start to think you'll never walk again or have children. But at this hour (4am?) the traffic is zero in the East and suddenly it's so fun to whiz along the empty roads. Now I like the wanton mee place at Joo Chiat. It's quite different from the usual wet noodles in the rest of Singapore.

Nearing the end of the night, everyone's asking, 'Is this the last stop yet?' because we all cannot stop imagining the cooling shower, nice smelling soap, warm dry towel and soft bed covers that are close by. And finally, finally we reach East Coast Park just as the sun is rising. Everyone finally gets a good solid look at each others' faces, after having squinted through the night. And I wolfed down my McDonalds. Nothing new there.

Every day I think 'I can't believe so much time has passed!' followed immediately by 'I can't believe so little time has passed!', depending on which incident I backtrack to.

I want time to get moving because I want to reach a different destination, yet I don't want time to move so fast in the fear that such a destination does not exist.

Every term has been wildly different. It's the 3rd week of the 3rd term since, and all I want to do now is really truly put it behind me as though it never existed. Slowly but surely detach myself.

serie donosti 1 on Flickr by idlphoto

I feel like I'm reaching a point of stability. And I really don't want anything to mess it up. It's a point where I don't want to know, care or hear anymore, because I've tried the desensitizing alternative and it's like placing your hand on the bug zapper intentionally again and again. So I really hope there's some finality to this. That I can really just lock it away and never have it come back to hurt me anymore, past, present or future. Especially future.

Musketeer Reunion

Just had a stupendous night. I'm beaming from ear to ear.

After dinner with the cell, I met Mom (along with Desiree) at City Hall MRT. Prior to that she'd called and SMS-ed me a zillion times to tell me which station, which carriage (first or last) and what time. I think it's her and Dad's first time on the train. Met up with Auntie Luan Imm and Isabelle who were together with them and we headed to their new house for an old friend reunion.

To digress a bit, their new house is gorgeously roomy with a really cooling patio. Already hinted to Mom to buy a corner lot just like that, or the neighbour's place so we can all be a big happy family here in Singapore. But we sorta know deep down that familiarity breeds contempt and absence makes the heart grow fonder.

It was really fun listening to Dad, Uncle Boo & Uncle Kum Weng talk about their past. Some we've heard before, most we've not. Now that we're all grown up, it's no holds barred for our ears. After 2 bottles of wine, all the dirty secrets started coming out.

From joining a church to chase girls ('Sadly, none of us got converted,' lamented Dad) to how Uncle KW was the innocent sidekick, driving the boys to the girls' houses, because that's how old fashioned courting was done - talking by the gate to finally sitting in a girl's living room. Apparently a lot of backstabbing was done with secret rendezvouz, more than one of them secretly seeing the same girl. When they couldn't find someone in the group, they automatically could guess what he was up to.

All the old flames' names started popping up. But we surmised that as cool as they made it out to be, my Dad and his old primary school friends were not exactly the cool kids. The best part is simply how they've stuck it out, stayed so close all these years and dated so closely that all their wives are also best/good friends.

Vulgarities started spewing over some lost Musketeers, those who've gone abroad and forgotten them. Who come home but act chilly over a cold meal, or don't even bother to call. With the advent of the Internet and iPad, we started Google-ing a fairweather friend's house in Australia, with his lake and boats. The stalking was hilarious. After that they tried to Facebook search a Gunasegaran Subramaniam, another old forgotten friend close to Uncle Boo. And they howled like hyenas over how they bullied him into going for a 'massage' at Guna's coming of age, especially how he emerged all smiles.

Mom and Auntie Luan Imm used to matchmake people: Indian girl with Indian guy, short girl with short guy, broken hearted girl with broken hearted guy. Unfortunately one of the pairings (coincidentally another friend who's forgotten his roots) ended up in the girl turning gay. More surprising is that she's someone prominent in Penang. Then there was Black Kam Weng, the Indian adopted by a Chinese family. They called him Uncle Kum Weng's black counterpart. The night started turning into a GG episode.

Finally before our family went home, Dad thrust an imaginary sword into the air, 'All for one and one for all!' and Uncle KW followed suit. The wine. It does things to people. Though I must say Dad's always quirky any old day. As he walked out, he tried to remember, 'Hey Boo, who's the 3rd musketeer who died in the show?' But none of us could remember. But we all knew which Musketeers have died in their version of the 5 Musketeers.

Wonder what my story will be someday. I hope I have my childhood friends with me, like an extended family. Moments like these are my ultimate favourite in life.