I hate change. Change terrifies me and reduces me to the kid who was afraid of bedtime approaching in case she was the only one in the house who couldn't fall asleep.

Change is alright when there's nothing to lose. Then you just steel yourself for the unknown that's coming, and every little friendly approach and thoughtful gesture makes you feel welcome.

But change when everything else is going down the drain feels like you're the only person left in the world and there's nothing familiar to hold on to. Wouldn't it be nice if with every change, you could bring along someone from your old situation? That's why losing a person is the worst change, because that steady part of your life is suddenly gone and no other challenge seems worth braving through.

I am quite afraid. And I'm tired of feeding into this melodrama like it's reality. But it's hard to change who I am.