Lucid Dreams on Flickr © Fractal Artist

In the short span of time I've spent crazy mugging with some people, I've discovered lots of great qualities in those I wrongly prejudged. It's pretty fun hanging out with someone who has lots of interesting opinions, as ridiculous as some might be. It's not often you get to challenge your own thoughts and definitely rare to get a peek into an eccentric mind.

One thing he and I agree on: Studying really stimulates the brain.

I've felt so boring for such a long time. I feel sluggish, anti-social and unentertaining. I don't know what to talk about to people, I don't bring up any ideas and I can't even rack my brains for anything real to bring to a conversation. It was happening, and I just watched it get worse.

But studying. When I really started thinking and losing it, I got all hyperactive and suddenly, I felt like me again. Like I was smarter, and as he said, more lucid, and so much sharper.

Feels good. Wish I could bottle some of that so I didn't have to try so hard.

Dancing for DE for the first time has stretched me BEYOND BELIEF. It has felt amazing pulling off the kind of items we do and I can hardly believe I am a part of something so exciting. (Maybe I just live in a hole.)

If I told anyone about the kind of methods our choreographer used to get emotions out of us, they'd probably freak out. I can't even imagine what the dancers in the neighbouring dressing rooms thought of all that crying and yelling.

I can't wait to improve and do more contemp (although a part of me feels I have reached my technical limit). I just don't know if my priorities are straight. I guess we shall see when finals arrive. Ugh.

Public Displays

Telling Tall Tales on Flickr © Kenny Maths

It's such an irony how sometimes I'd rather sit next to a total stranger on a bus than someone I know just a little but haven't spoken to in a long time. Despite the invasion of personal space by a complete unknown (you get over these things when you take public transport regularly anyway), I'm more comfortable sitting in silence than working up the effort to converse. It's a gradual loss of social skill and interest in other people's lives. I can't even take the time out to make small talk and find out how things are going.
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Crying in public is strange. One moment I am shamelessly weeping away like an emotional exhibitionist, without a care that anyone's watching. The next day, you feel like an idiot that you appeared silly and weak. I don't like belittling the act of crying. I don't like giving the impression that when I cry, it doesn't mean anything.

For one thing, it sure loses its leverage in letting someone know the gravity of the situation.

The whole method dancing - being yelled at to cry so you can emote on stage - has been a wacky ride. Not always effective, but interesting all the same. I didn't detest it, but once is enough.

The current state of my room does not bode well for the future. Dust, dust, dust, with every swipe I make. Where does dust come from, anyway? And why does it choose to reside on all the surfaces in my room? I can imagine going crazy if I worked as domestic help. The never ending battle with DUST BUNNIES.

I suddenly remembered advice from Mom. 'Power of the mind!' she tried to teach us. She said that if we really thought positively and visualized, the power of the mind could truly shift things your way. Her famous example was when looking for a parking lot at a place that's always crowded. She told us she visualized an empty lot, and lo and behold, it appeared! Really, of all examples.

As much as we laughed and turned 'Power of the mind!' into a funny phrase, I think it really works. Repeating and confessing something positive and imagining it going well in your mind can really turn things around in your direction, even if all it did was calm you down and give you the confidence. Most times, the ability to do it was always there. Another way to call it is faith.

I need more power. I can make it through this month.

I hate it when I do embarrassing things. It's alright when only people close to me witness silly things I do, but I hate wondering what everyone on earth thinks of me. I need to develop thicker skin.

In the meantime, I'll be anti-ci-pa-ting...

End of exams! During supper at Newton, we got excited about April hols. I really hope everyone manages to come down to visit me this time around. It's not easy playing host, because you worry about whether people will find your plans boring or whether they secretly dislike your country. Though that's a little paranoid. All the same, I look forward to Genting trips and even a day at Sunway Lagoon. After that, we will fly to HK!

Gollygeewhizbang.