It's quite a shame that the harder you try to get someone's attention, the less likely you will get it. Or to put it differently, the more you crave a person's attention, the more difficult it is for you to ever feel fulfilled by anything they have to offer.
Which is why, I find myself at my most charming and effervescent when there is the least expectations of the company I'm with. When in a sense, I don't really care if they do take an interest in what I say, or laugh at my jokes. Ironically, that is when people find me interesting.
And then you compare it with the person you're dying to get a response from. With every word you try so hard to entertain with, it seems to fall on awkward silence or forced amusement. But the moment you stop trying or caring what they think, that's when they're drawn to you.
It seems like in order to be myself, I have to stop placing any significance upon the other person's response. I've to stop caring, full stop. Isn't that just like listening to myself speak?
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