The Magical Mystery Box of Strange and Unknowable Things
by Lissy Elle on Flickr

Today, someone told me that something told him I had wisdom and a lot to share spiritually. Which took me aback. I'm flattered, but I'm just highly self-aware, and not wise at all in the ways of the Word. Got to start turning the former into the latter.

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The artist above has some of the most magical shots I've seen so far.

Shadow, Hayley & Macy © Ale

As most of you know, I've 3 dogs: Shadow, Macy and Hayley. Each of them are unique, with their eccentricities and neurotic behaviours. Would really make those apathetic non pet lovers stop a minute, to realize that animals have personalities, just like humans.

Shadow's super clingy and needy. He's the beta to our alpha dog. He rolls over onto his back when you stand before him, he gazes up at you lovingly with his soulful eyes and he wriggles to get near to you. He's mean to some strangers and picks his friends very carefully. At his age, he's like Speedy Gonzales with long ears and black fur. And he's uber jealous of Hayley.

Macy's self sufficient and can be quite self absorbed. In general, she doesn't need your affection unless it comes with treats and walks. Most of the time she's sleeping pressed up against the wall or lying in sleeping Buddha position, looking bored. But occasionally, her true feelings show when she misses you or Shadow if either have been gone a long time. Her poor metabolism has turned her into a scruffy oversized mouse-y looking dog. Which is cute.

Hayley's the most blur and innocent dog. She's always pleased to see you and has no manners. Sniffing and slobbering, fake biting your hand. She flops onto water and splashes the waterbowl dry. She has a short attention span and memory deficit, climbing up the short 3 steps again and again even after each phobic session of being unable to climb back down. For a young thing, she has zero stamina and whines to go home after a relatively long walk.

Do they sound like anybody you know?

Unfortunately, Hayley's sick. And we hope that when she recovers, her Dory-like memory will prevent any lingering mental trauma. Unlike Macy, who until now refuses to get into the car to go to the vet. Poor lonely girl, all by herself at the vet's. Me wants to go home to see her!

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Like it or not, everyone's a taker. Most times, our taking is inconsequential because what we take is what is offered: attention, support, encouragement, gifts, love, friendship, help. Even when we're giving, we're taking too, to maintain relationships and to keep connections that are to our advantage someday. Most of the things we take are too little to warrant noticing. It's only when the big things disappear that it really matters, like someone taking your pride. Or worse, your heart.

Gosh. You really can't trust anybody these days.

The one who vows to love you and falls all over himself to do stuff for you ends up getting tired of you.

The one who shares all his troubles with you goes and does his own thing once everything's resolved.

Even your iPod songs disappoint you.

I say, talk to the hand.

147 by vanessa.paxton on Flickr

Ah, the great divide. Between fast and slow. When you're fast, you're not allowed to enjoy it or feel good about it. That's because you're deemed unhelpful and insensitive to the slow. And when you're slow, though it sucks, you're suddenly justified to complain and blame the world for your problems. You are absolved of all guilt of being the humble, quiet, enduring Asian.

Having been at both ends before, I identify with both feelings. And it can be really tough to control your frustrations or on the flipside, to avail yourself to everyone. Best to be indifferent and magnanimous. Don't take things personally and keep encouraging yourself. Big picture, big picture!

On a related note, I owe lots of people assistance and voluntary patient roleplay. Ouch.

I can't quite get used to being discarded and forgotten. Maybe it's growing up reading junk books, maybe it's the movies. But to be ignored and be met with a hardened heart is something I can never get accustomed to. It's alright. Don't want to be one of you cynical people, anyway.

*Snub*

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Someone told me, once you go short, it's going to be addictive. Long hair will seem too far away and too much effort to achieve ever again. I've a bad feeling they were right. I'm loving it!

Battle for the Kingdom by Lissy Elle on Flickr

You know this paradox? When you're performing, you wish it'll all just end and you vow not to join the next concert. And when you're not performing but watching a concert, suddenly you wish so much you had joined. I feel so much like dancing now, to put effort into improving and being the hot stuff those idols of mine are. But I'm cursed with the lazy bone. (If only I had the funny bone too, like they sold it in pairs.)

I don't put in the effort to improve myself and so I'm stuck forever with my limited abilities. On the other hand, maybe I'm not enough of a natural that I'll never have the time to work on it to that level. But a part of me aches to really truly bask in the limelight, and not in a small pond but a real big ocean! By that, I mean to truly be talented among the likes of other great talents and not just shine among non dancers.

The big dream. Same dream every time.

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What maketh a relationship? Effort or compatibility? Still on the fence over that one. Knowing the answer to that will end the age old conflict of whether the relationship is over or worth fighting for. If only destiny could send a sign when you meet The One.

Hair Today, Gone Tomorrow

Still can't get used to my image in the mirror. Never considered myself the sort of girl who tied her femininity to her long hair but I actually felt a few moments of terror and regret when half my hair was still long and the other side chopped up. Sometimes, when I catch my reflection, I feel kind of distressed. Like I can't identify myself with that hair, like it's not the me I want to portray, not the me who's inside. Oh well, thank goodness hair grows. And it's not like it looks BAD, it's just... not quite me. Not that I don't like it, I just feel like I'm giving people the wrong impression of who I am. Maybe because I look older. Boo.

So much analysis over a haircut.

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Planning a holiday takes effort. You've got to get yourself pumped up and enthusiastic to go. You've got to imagine all the fun you could have, and erase all potential problems like boredom, incompatibility, fights, setbacks, delays, etc. And you've got to book ahead, and book smart and cheap so you don't come home feeling cheated and depressed over all the unnecessary money you spent. And most importantly, you've got to choose your company wisely.

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Gone are the days where my mind was a blank canvas, waiting for the real world to happen. Where my fantasies all came from foreign books and I imagined myself traveling, having adventures, falling head over heels in love and doing things the women in the novels did. What I would give to find, and not search anymore. To be filled and not feel empty. To be content and not pine for the past. So much for my happy ending.