79/365 Into the void - Explored, a photo by Sunshine-D on Flickr.

If anyone was paying attention, I only tend to blog during the holidays. Main reasons: I have more free time, there is actually something out of routine to say, I have nobody else to talk to since I'm always home alone.

I've Googled a list of movies released in 2011 and I'm going to finally watch all the shows I didn't have the time to.

Right now I'm watching Something Borrowed which is starting off with the theme of being 30 and still single. Even as a teenager, I grew up reading so much fiction that I thought I knew all the ways life could turn out. I got myself jaded before I even started out in life. It's bittersweet to know that when it's your turn to experience something, it still feels like you're the first person it has ever happened to. The first success, first failure, first date, first love, first heartbreak, the onset of loneliness, the search for purpose. Which just makes it all the more comforting to know that all around the world, people are also going through the same thing. Enough for so many movies to be made about the same old subjects again and again and again.

My biggest fear in letting go has always been a lack of trust/faith. Every time I end something with someone, there is an inherent fear that I will not find someone better, that I will not find someone to make me forget the previous person. When I hear about God's plans being higher than my own, a part of me childishly imagines that God will send me someone unexpected, that I won't like, or will have absolutely no attraction to and I'll end up longing for someone else. Which is incredibly stupid. So many of my fears are incredibly stupid, but they are real, and I've always been glad I'm able to be honest with myself. Otherwise I may have never gotten down to addressing all my issues.

I'm terribly grateful for God's constant protection, even when I wasn't aware I needed it. And so grateful for my incredibly blessed life, surrounded by so many wonderful people.

The Dog Walker Chronicles

I think I've discovered the secret to making dog walking fun for the whole family.

Before we start, I must explain that dog walking is regarded as a major chore by everyone at home. This is because of all three dogs, only one is pleasant to walk: Shadow the Cocker Spaniel. Walking blind and osteoporotic Macy means walking one foot step every minute and trying to keep Macy from falling into holes. Malaysia is full of holes: drainholes, potholes, A-holes. Technically, you can walk Hayley and Shadow together because they run at about the same speed but it also means a Roger/Pongo and Anita/Perdy moment, wrapped up like twine.

I'm therefore the only person who feels obliged to walk them. Maybe because I'm not back as often and most likely because I have a guilt complex. And a heart (hohoho).

So first, I start with getting everybody excited. I pump them up by yelling at them really close, like in their faces, 'We can DO THIS! We can WALK THESE DOGS!' while hopping around them in circles with little boxer moves. Then I turn it into a game, playing scissors paper stone or something, with forfeits like 'Loser has to walk Macy!' This works quite well because my family is very competitive. And because they love games. If this still fails to draw any participants, I make bargains like offering to do chores they hate (Mom hates throwing the trash) or helping with paperwork (Dad hates typing).

The high of the success doesn't last very long. The night usually ends with Hayley flopping into a pile of water (sometimes urine) in exhaustion, completely ignoring my cries of 'You are such a disgusting dog! You are sooo disgusting!' And then I get a nice rash all over.

But it is very worth it. Because I love my dogs. And because I sometimes feel the disapproving glare of Cesar Millan.

I accidentally let Hayley out last night and decided to turn it into a walk despite the stitch in my toe. Today she spent hours barking and jumping up on the window panes.

I think I've created a monster. A pretty monster. With golden fur. :)

I'm writing this down as a reminder to myself.
Whatever the outcome, this incident is a timely wake up call.
I don't really care what ignites the flame so long as it keeps burning for the right reason.
I am reminding myself to do it for myself and not for anybody else.
Most importantly, to have no fear because God makes all things perfect in His time.
I'm not losing anything in the long run, I'm gaining everything.

So Thank You, Lord.

the pain of saying goodbye, a photo by brookeshaden on Flickr.

There are times I wish I could go back to never having known pain.

Today I am glad for it because it taught me to feel.

I think I'm slowly allowing myself to feel happy. Cautiously happy.

 Belated birthday dinner for Shang & Stef at The Hills.

 On to Vertigo for the after partay.

To quote Lips, 'Another awesome girlie night out'!
Despite the huge hassle of traveling back to KL for just a couple of nights, it always ends up worth it.
As usual, I ask myself why I bother lugging all my readings and laptop 400km back and forth.