The Dog Walker Chronicles

I think I've discovered the secret to making dog walking fun for the whole family.

Before we start, I must explain that dog walking is regarded as a major chore by everyone at home. This is because of all three dogs, only one is pleasant to walk: Shadow the Cocker Spaniel. Walking blind and osteoporotic Macy means walking one foot step every minute and trying to keep Macy from falling into holes. Malaysia is full of holes: drainholes, potholes, A-holes. Technically, you can walk Hayley and Shadow together because they run at about the same speed but it also means a Roger/Pongo and Anita/Perdy moment, wrapped up like twine.

I'm therefore the only person who feels obliged to walk them. Maybe because I'm not back as often and most likely because I have a guilt complex. And a heart (hohoho).

So first, I start with getting everybody excited. I pump them up by yelling at them really close, like in their faces, 'We can DO THIS! We can WALK THESE DOGS!' while hopping around them in circles with little boxer moves. Then I turn it into a game, playing scissors paper stone or something, with forfeits like 'Loser has to walk Macy!' This works quite well because my family is very competitive. And because they love games. If this still fails to draw any participants, I make bargains like offering to do chores they hate (Mom hates throwing the trash) or helping with paperwork (Dad hates typing).

The high of the success doesn't last very long. The night usually ends with Hayley flopping into a pile of water (sometimes urine) in exhaustion, completely ignoring my cries of 'You are such a disgusting dog! You are sooo disgusting!' And then I get a nice rash all over.

But it is very worth it. Because I love my dogs. And because I sometimes feel the disapproving glare of Cesar Millan.