If anyone was paying attention, I only tend to blog during the holidays. Main reasons: I have more free time, there is actually something out of routine to say, I have nobody else to talk to since I'm always home alone.
I've Googled a list of movies released in 2011 and I'm going to finally watch all the shows I didn't have the time to.
Right now I'm watching Something Borrowed which is starting off with the theme of being 30 and still single. Even as a teenager, I grew up reading so much fiction that I thought I knew all the ways life could turn out. I got myself jaded before I even started out in life. It's bittersweet to know that when it's your turn to experience something, it still feels like you're the first person it has ever happened to. The first success, first failure, first date, first love, first heartbreak, the onset of loneliness, the search for purpose. Which just makes it all the more comforting to know that all around the world, people are also going through the same thing. Enough for so many movies to be made about the same old subjects again and again and again.
My biggest fear in letting go has always been a lack of trust/faith. Every time I end something with someone, there is an inherent fear that I will not find someone better, that I will not find someone to make me forget the previous person. When I hear about God's plans being higher than my own, a part of me childishly imagines that God will send me someone unexpected, that I won't like, or will have absolutely no attraction to and I'll end up longing for someone else. Which is incredibly stupid. So many of my fears are incredibly stupid, but they are real, and I've always been glad I'm able to be honest with myself. Otherwise I may have never gotten down to addressing all my issues.
I'm terribly grateful for God's constant protection, even when I wasn't aware I needed it. And so grateful for my incredibly blessed life, surrounded by so many wonderful people.
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