Klutz

Today, I smacked myself in the mouth with my articulator as I was cleaning it in the sink. (That's probably a glimpse of what can happen with brute force in a patient's mouth too. Note to self.)

It hurt because my tooth cut my own lip on the inside but most importantly, I was so worried that my tooth was avulsed. I kept touching it and hoping it hadn't fallen off because I have intimate history with hitting my front teeth. Not pretty. I think it says that if there's sulcular bleeding then it's been subluxated (i.e. moved but went back to it's original position). So am monitoring it. And that ulcer that developed.

What else in today's breaking news?

Oh I concluded that I look best from about 5 meters away and how good I look is inversely proportional to how close you are to me. Is that right? Or maybe proportional. Further distance, better looking.

Kay. That was a completely unfiltered post. I know I act like an attention craving 5 year old at times, with the most inane unfunny comments that I insist on repeating, wringing the life out of them. But I really only do it when I'm very comfortable with someone. Ironic how I can be more collected, calm, respectable and likeable when there's some distance between me and another person.

Can somebody knock some sense into my head? Every holiday, I lug home a big pile of books to KL, telling myself I'll read up for clinics, I'll study for tests, I'll prepare for lab. Each time I lug everything right back, untouched. And right now, I've reached Singapore, all ready to make up for lost time but I've agreed to go for supper. Kill meeee, my body's taken over my willpower! Now I'm looking at all the empty space on the table where I could've just left my books instead of taking them on a holiday in my luggage bag, never even seeing daylight.

Anyway, Shang dropped me off at KL Central where we parked. Opposite our car was good old WKP 819. So I left Dad a note which said,

Hello Dad! Shang dropped me off and I saw your car. Take care and love you! Alethea.

Which took me about 4 pens to write because every pen in Shang's dashboard ran out of ink. As I told Shang, 'Just let me get to my name! Or he'll be wondering who on earth it is.'

Of Backrubs & Footrubs

Foot Massage on Flickr by Myxi

I'm the typical Asian who does not speak up for herself. I hesitate to complain even when I find a bug in my food, a typo in my name in a certificate, or stains in a book I lent to a friend. When the Tiramisu I made that I was saving in the fridge disappeared and I found the empty cup in the sink, I didn't bother to call the person out even though I was pretty mad about it.

Likewise, when I get a massage, I never voice my complaints even when the masseuse is using too much or too little force. This has been very detrimental to my health, literally. The anticipation of getting a massage never dies off (probably from the memory of some very awesome massages in the past) but the anticipation usually highly, highly overestimates the actual experience.

I've endured more than one back rub where my entire body is so tense just trying to withstand the pain because the masseuse used so much pressure. I've found myself sweating buckets just from clenching my muscles so that I could better stand the agony. On the other hand, I've had such gentle massages that I came out feeling like little kittens walked over my back. Either way I'm too reluctant to speak up because I like different pressures at different areas and asking them to change usually means some parts always suffer from too much or lack of attention.

I don't know why I put myself through such torture. I don't quite think it serves the purpose when the lights come on and I walk out feeling more stiff and sore than when I walked in. The last foot reflexology shop I sat in, the only relief I felt was the intense lightness when she finally stopped murdering my foot.

I think rubs are only meant for non skinny people.

Lulls

Has anyone ever experienced friendship lulls? When you feel like you're doing all the initiating and saying hi but people don't seem too interested in reciprocating?

It can get pretty demoralizing, wondering if you're just indispensable to others. This is when being in a steady relationship can provide the security you need, knowing that someone's always got your back and is that 24/7 on call friend.

In times of crises, people bond in such incredible ways. The past year has brought me closer to so many people and we've done such fun spontaneous things just when we most needed it. But now that things are moving along with people starting work and meeting new potentials, it feels like we've separated again. Like that period was just something I imagined and if there weren't photos, I would have no proof it existed.

There's always only one thing to do - wait it out. And be patient that someone out there wants to spend as much time with you as you want with them.

December on Flickr by sugarock

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long
No matter what I say or do
I still feel you here 'til the moment I'm gone

You hold me without touch
You keep me without chains
I never wanted anything so much
Than to drown in your love and not feel your rain

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile
When I thought that I was strong
But you touch me for a little while
And all my fragile strength is gone

Set me free, leave me be
I don't wanna fall another moment into your gravity
Here I am and I stand so tall
I'm just the way I'm supposed to be
But you're on to me and all over me

I live here on my knees
As I try to make you see
That you're everything I think I need
Here on the ground

But you're neither friend nor foe
Though I can't seem to let you go
The one thing that I still know
Is that you're keeping me down
You're keeping me down

You're on to me, on to me and all over
Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

Gravity, Sara Bareilles

To Whom It May Concern,

Please take away global warming so I no longer have to shower so many times a day. Please turn the Earth on its axis just a little so Malaysia isn't so close to the equator anymore. I'd like to wake up in comfort and not sweat for just one day. I'd like to walk around the house without wondering if I have a fever, or if it's just the humidity.

Either that or give me a free vacation somewhere cool again.

Sincerely,
Ale

Dad & Sports

Playing with Dad is the most stressful experience of any sporting activity.

Case in point.

We booked a tennis court today and there were 4 players, me, Aggie, Adelia and Dad. Right away, we were all shaking our heads and shoving each other to be the sacrificial pair to play against Dad. Because it is a known fact since childhood (since the days of him teaching us sports) that when you cannot return a shot, or you fumble, or you make a stupid move, that Dad will get mad.

This is something we've learnt to endure. Once upon a time, when Dad started yelling or walking off within 10 mins of the game, we'd get really upset. Sometimes we'd get teary-eyed and the whole family mood would just sink. The entire hour of the game was not at all fun because we were just so pressured not to screw up too badly.

Let's face it, none of us are any good. We're shit at sports. It takes me a whole hour to remember how to place my grip on the racquet properly so that my ball stops flying 10 meters into the air.

So now we just take it with a pinch of salt. Trudge onto the tennis court and keep a cheery smile on even when we know Dad's face is getting sourer and sourer. When he starts scowling and shaking his head in frustration, we just keep laughing harder at all our missed balls.

Better than being like the player next court screaming, 'WHAT THE HECK?' and 'OH MY GOD' every five minutes, right? I suspect that's what Dad realized too, that his 3 lousy cheerful daughters had much better temperament than the crazy boy next door. Because his mood lifted towards the end as he was mimicking the kid.