Stasis

Stasis by Leslie Thomson on Flickr

Was pondering how it's so sad that dental school is too tiring for us to see the big picture on a daily basis. I spend everyday looking at things microscopically, my cavity preps, my list that has yet been signed, which assessors to go too, what time lunch is, how I'm going to stop watching TV so I can start studying. It's a very rare few light bulb moments that hit, that remind me about my greater responsibility as an NUS student, of the reality of working in clinics.

Today, I was reminded about how I'm part of a bigger community, the NUS Dental Faculty that's striving to make a name in the academic scene. That we don't have enough research and that our performance as undergraduates will affect the reputation of the university in future. Realized that I've no international contacts, to compare the syllabus of different unis, or just to get an idea of how the rest of the dental world operates. Pretty sad.

I also feel highly unprepared for having to watch my back with every procedure I do. To keep records, to become a professional with no room for errors (at least none that I cannot defend). For now, it's all I can do to just graduate and come out of school, none the wiser about anything outside of my classroom. It's sink or swim, fellas!

-----
Been having the most disturbing dreams again lately. I'm so used to them that they hardly bother me anymore. Like a movie I watched a few days ago, in the back of my mind.

The pain can be so acute and unexpected sometimes, I cannot breathe. The habit of denial is like an old comfortable cloak, so much easier to just put back on than to shake off.

Adiós. on Flickr © caotica_utopica

I just did the most sacrilegious thing ever - ripped up the Holy Bible. But only because the cover was disintegrating on me, so I wrapped it in A4 and plastic. Now it's just another inconspicuous book.

Been lamenting the days that are going by yet again. And doing my best to have self restraint. One of the greatest difficulties for me is to just let go and release control of my life. It has become glaringly obvious that I can't let go because I don't have enough faith that there will be better than this.

But I'm getting tired. To clap you need two hands. Sooner or later, you'll give up on clapping the air.

Anyway, CNY is around the corner, and I'm gonna see the new goodies Mom got everyone from the US, plus my new year clothes. Fashion is a powerful cure for many maladies. If my closet ever burned down, I'd probably weep for my clothing collection first.

PS: I ADORE Beyonce's and Pink's Grammy performances. Pink is one bad ass rock hard muscly chick.

Sightings

. on Flickr © moonwire

An old man panicking and reaching for a little toddler as he veered closely to the drain, from my window seat on the bus.

A family with an adorable little Husky in the park, called Altemis, from what I overheard.

A Caucasian girl calling out the number of pull ups a buff Chinese guy was doing on a playground bar.

-----
Now, I await my dinner as my belly rumbles up a storm.

Bad Days Come In Pairs

After a smashing crab dinner, I took 857 intending to get to St Michael's Place for cell, because if 857 took me home, the opposite 857 should take me there, right? This is the 2nd time I've made this mistake after my stop at Holland V took me to Clementi instead of home. I will never understand this looping business.

Spent an hour on the bus, attempting to read notes. And decided to stop for a leak at Boon Keng MRT. Then I realized from the bus directory that just a few more stops and I'd have reached where I started. This looping business!

And then it dawned on me that there is absolutely nothing waiting for me at home. That I could just sit for hours and hours looping around Singapore and nothing drastic would happen. Why all the angst, impatience and irritation of rushing home? It felt pretty sad, really, to have nobody to report to, or anyone to care for you, or something to rush home to. Other than TV.

So I decided to heck it and take the purple line, then the Circle line, then the red line, and then walk the 15 minutes home.

I have no idea why.

-----
During the mid year break, I am going to chop off all my hair. To some pixie cut. I don't care how ugly I look, I shall do it at least once in my life. There - it's in black and white.

All These Things That I've Done

1) Should have gone back to hall after baptism class last night.

2) Should have slept before 1am last night.

3) Should have woken up at 6am as usual this morning instead of snoozing the alarm just because class started at 9am.

4) Should have left the house right after showering instead of waiting for the lift to school that didn't come from my aunt.

5) Should have worn covered shoes for school instead of NUM flip-flops.

6) Should have taken the DM notes home with me instead of leaving them in hall. (or see point 1)

7) Should have left school at 4.30pm as I'd planned.

8) Should have found out the address of the dentist I booked.

Instead, I spent all morning cursing on the bus at the incredible jam. Then dumping my bag with a classmate whom I fortuitously met on bus 95 while I took a bus back to hall even though lesson was starting. Then running from the bus stop the few hundred meters to my room to get the notes and change out of my slippers. Then after school, running from Science to NUH to catch a cab. Then from where the cab dropped me, running home because it was the wrong place. Fortunately, I found Lian-ee at home who could send me to the right place.

And throughout the whole day I was swearing (in my head, mostly). And brisk walking till my shins hurt, and running till my shoe flew off. I was a very very angry person today. ANGRY.

Honey, We should probably call someone about this. on Flickr © Chad304

Colour Me

The colour green is just so relieving. Like the green of a traffic light, or the green of a cab sign. I like green. Then again, I've also liked pink, red, blue, and purple at some point in my life.

bahama mama on Flickr © mySadiegirl

Quite thrilled with my 2 new (free) fissure sealants from the demo today. Reminded me of how fun it is going to a dentist, when the procedure is painless and risk-free. It's re-instilled my faith in dentists, like reliving my childhood days. Something like stepping into Toys R' Us. Which by the way, I had no idea meant Toys Are Us until I was technically a grown up. Used to say it like stegosaurus or rhinoceros. More importantly, my faith in my oral hygiene is restored! I was really bummed when I thought it was caries again.

Found a worm in my dinner vege though. Yucks.

And the most hilarious thing today was that someone made a typo (or rather I made a typo on FB) and thought my blog was thealephant.blogpot.com. Quite a shock there. Imagine that, it really exists!

Radiation

Untitled on Flickr © framboesa.

Anyone know a cure for severe under eye wrinkles on a young, supposedly cell regenerating 22 year old? Ah, the never ending battle against aging. But I really don't think it's fair to have crow's feet. I could put it down to being a very smiley person, and laugh it off as laugh lines, but I really don't think the joy I get from (rarely) smiling warrants the creases. These lines belong to someone like Ronald McDonald. Or Britney Spears, who gets to have them airbrushed or Botox-ed away.

Oh, to exude a glorious and radiant inner beauty!
The only radiation I give out is the scatter from my unprotected OPG.

Life's demands are catching up on me. All those years of being pampered and provided for, having Mommy & Daddy as my security blanket for when things go wrong, it's all coming to an end. I've to stop impulse buying (my last buy I justified by getting a refund from The Killers, and spending less than the ticket price), extravagant eating, cab riding, and gift splurging. Time to slowly wean myself off my parent's allowances. Of course, that would require a job. And by then, I'll be a mid twenties single girl still living at home. Yippeeee.

How on earth do women still get married and have kids before they turn 26? Crazy people.