Stasis

Stasis by Leslie Thomson on Flickr

Was pondering how it's so sad that dental school is too tiring for us to see the big picture on a daily basis. I spend everyday looking at things microscopically, my cavity preps, my list that has yet been signed, which assessors to go too, what time lunch is, how I'm going to stop watching TV so I can start studying. It's a very rare few light bulb moments that hit, that remind me about my greater responsibility as an NUS student, of the reality of working in clinics.

Today, I was reminded about how I'm part of a bigger community, the NUS Dental Faculty that's striving to make a name in the academic scene. That we don't have enough research and that our performance as undergraduates will affect the reputation of the university in future. Realized that I've no international contacts, to compare the syllabus of different unis, or just to get an idea of how the rest of the dental world operates. Pretty sad.

I also feel highly unprepared for having to watch my back with every procedure I do. To keep records, to become a professional with no room for errors (at least none that I cannot defend). For now, it's all I can do to just graduate and come out of school, none the wiser about anything outside of my classroom. It's sink or swim, fellas!

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Been having the most disturbing dreams again lately. I'm so used to them that they hardly bother me anymore. Like a movie I watched a few days ago, in the back of my mind.

The pain can be so acute and unexpected sometimes, I cannot breathe. The habit of denial is like an old comfortable cloak, so much easier to just put back on than to shake off.