I see a red indian, a mime, and many other unidentifiable characters.

Why isn't anyone I know celebrating Halloween? :(

As much as one professes to prize inner beauty, it's very telling that a blemish can cause such an effect on self-esteem.

I had a good day and ate some good food. Once in awhile, people should just make an effort to break the routine.

And I love receiving gifts. But to give to someone you care about is infinitely more satisfying.

Laundry is Fun

Laundromat Fetish on Flickr © Orange Couch

If you think about it, and I did think about it, doing laundry can be super duper fun.

First, I exchange my dollar notes for 20¢ coins. This is the closest I can get to winning money from a slot machine. Sometimes the machine spits my notes out with a vengeance. That can be exciting too, because you never know when it'll happen.

Then I carry my basket of clothes to the laundry room. It's quite an adventure selecting a washing machine that's free of weird looking unidentifiable small substances. Putting in the coins into the slot totally reminds me of being in an arcade.

The whole machine thing just feels like magic. One moment your clothes smell, the next they exude fragrance (I realize fragrance doesn't have a verb, sadly).

And once everything is toasty and baked from the dryer, you just bring everything back up to your room. It's like the clothes never spent any time away.

It used to be more fun when Jamie and I made laundry excursions together. The laundry room has nice acoustics for singing duets. I guess time's too precious for such dilly-dallying now.

Now that I'm home at YCK for the weekend, I've access to my usual snacks and binge food to eat during studying. I just gave my masseter and whatever other muscles of mastication a huge workout by munching on an Uncle Toby. My stomach is also getting a huge workout, expanding to fit all I'm pouring in. I don't know why I torture myself this way. I am overdosing on proteins and not getting enough greens, for sure.

Tomorrow we'll finally catch HSM3. Okay, not finally, since it's only been out for 3 days. I can't wait, it's been so long since I just watched a brainless feel good movie.

Life is also grand ever since my discovery of internet radio. I don't have to spend countless wasted minutes selecting which song I want to hear next, that I'm not that sick of yet. We live in a convenient world.

It's been almost a month. So fast, yet I could swear it feels like longer.

When one should be studying, there is an increased attractiveness about blogging.

I have shown my flabby belly for the last time (I hope), doing our Quadfac dance yet again. As much as I love dance, I think I really love the limelight of performing well more. So, I'm not really that upset when I don't go for dance practices. But the thought of losing any semblance of dance ability makes me fearful. It makes me feel I've to attend some form of class somehow.

So ultimately, my weekends are still burnt.

Mmmmm

Letter M in Chocolate on Flickr © Pink Sherbet Photography

My handphone says 00:00. I thought it was so cool before I remembered that the time's fake, it's a little fast to make me panic. People always set their clocks faster, some people by 15 mins just to make themselves more punctual. From what I observe, it only backfires. Without resorting to naming names, I conclude that people reverse psycho themselves into thinking they have even more time, and end up later than ever.

I am overscheduling myself left and right. This time, I've made plans to go back to KL on the 5th, only to find out I've dance camp from the 9th to 12th and now have to miss D&D on the 6th. S'pity indeed.

Okay, the elephant's been christened Cello. Which reminded me of my precious Neopets once upon a time - Capiano the meerkat-ish thingy and Bocello the stork-ish thingy. (You can never tell what they're meant to be in Neopets.)

Wishing & Hoping

Today, Jamie & I missed a Skype session with Chriselle by barely a few moments. After our jog, I went to her room to drink her packet of Peach tea (yum) and send songs to myself via MSN Sharing Folders. We waited and waited and waited til 12 am (starting from 11.15pm) before I gave up and left for my own room. Apparently she came online right after.

My bedroom is turning into a soft toy (and miscellaneous items) shrine. I've the light blue Mario mushroom tissue holder, the blue Ikea yet to be named elephant, Pixie the polar bear, my colourful pinwheel, a blue cube, cone hats, and Jelly the red Mario mushroom sweet holder (Barney has gone to Ruth). Okay, so it's nothing significant, just that they're all gifts. And boy do they collect dust. I think I shall bring my toygun from YCK back here. And the twirler Jamie & Chriselle bought along with me, if I can find it. I'd be entirely surrounded by memorabilia.

Waiting for things to happen to you can be tiring. Which is why it's time we took action and paid some money to see a few concerts!

This week went by pretty smoothly. It feels weird to have free time to myself after classes end around 4-5 pm. Finally, Jamie and I initiated our jogging sessions. I did not anticipate to spend 1 & 1/2 hours on Thursday night running around NUS and lingering on the track. It feels good to be doing something healthy again, except that I hardly studied. I spent most of my time going up to Jam's room to check if her iPod was charged and then the rest of the time fiddling with what song to listen to.

Jaydon's 5th birthday yesterday reminded me of how different I am now compared to when my sisters had birthday parties. Back then, I was super gung-ho about planning their games, bossing kids around and basically organizing their birthday parties. We printed decorations, invitations and came up with the entire itinerary even when I was not even a teen yet.

As for now, I am so slack and lazy. I can't even bring myself out of my daydreaming stupor to help with noisy kids. And I got stage fright speaking to a group of kids!

Oh what has become of me.

Today I realized something about myself that I don't really like.

I socialize only in settings where I feel in control. I discerned this about myself when Sab Ng declared she'd rather play a game than run. I said I'd much rather run alone (okay, maybe with a friend) than play a team game. Simply because I feel uncomfortable interacting with people when I feel inadequate.

I think I'm becoming too dependent on person(s) once again. That's a sure sign when you find yourself feeling aimless by yourself or when you feel thrown off course all day just by the way they treat you. Bad bad bad.

In Hiding on Flickr © S'erendipity

I'm finally going to see Mr Dermatologist on Saturday morning. And hopefully by popping some pills I shall regain my smoother complexion. Lian-ee thinks it's something I'm allergic to here, either the food, the air I breathe or the water I drink and bathe in. Beats me. I just want a permanent solution, because as time goes by my standards are decreasing. It's the only way a person can feel some semblance of confidence with their looks. When all else fails, avoid mirrors at all costs!

In light of prioritizing my health, I have chosen not to complete my homework. Let tomorrow bring what it may.

Goodnight.

All By Myself

Yup. I woke up at almost 11 a.m. and am whiling the time away on Lancelot. Lancelot needs a new skin and maybe some boy boy stickers to decorate him.

Nope. I didn't don my running shoes. In my defence, my dance seniors said that today's practice is probably going to be tiring. I hope it makes up for my past month of couch potato-ing (though we know scientific evidence promptly disputes that).

I totes gots to compiles a shoppings list!

The Shopping List

1 pair of bright coloured pants

2 pairs of power heels (red, white, or blue)

1 Canon Ixus (personally nothing can beat the gorgeousness of the photos by the one back in KL)

1 comfy thong

1 lacy top

1 tote bag for uni

1 lippie

1 compact powder

1 concealer

I have arrived at the roadblock all bloggers face. Should I update once in a blue moon with posts I put effort and thought into? Or should I just update with minute details of my life, to keep my blog going.

I've decided on the latter, at least for now.

Friday is finally here and I'm down with 2 CAs. I'm pretty disgruntled over the fact I didn't get to dance in Arena, so now it feels like I can't start studying again until I get some fun out of my system. Hopefully tomorrow will be more exciting. I miss being able to hold dance parties (or gatherings of whatever sort).

I've opted to stay in tonight, so I'll be all by my lonesome in PGP tomorrow. More than 3 weeks of zero physical activity has put me in dire straits. If I want to be able to walk around on a beach without a bag on my face, I'm going to have to force myself to don my running attire and hit the roads tomorrow.

Stella told me today that being in Anat Hall makes her feel contemplative. That being surrounded by all the dead bodies makes her think about her life, 60 years from now, and where she's gonna be. Hmmm.

By the way, instead of getting better, it's been getting worse. Today I struggled not to associate certain smells emanating from the bodies to food. And sometimes I have to avoid meat that's brown. And last week, I actually felt pukish. Last night, we joked that we could all get pissing drunk and puke in Anat Hall with the excuse of being grossed out by the corpses. Didn't happen, though.

I hate admitting when I'm wrong. As a child, I'd rather keep quiet than let on that I didn't know the answer to something. Even as a young adult, I go by the same motto, that it is better to shut up than to blabber on and reveal your ignorance. It's a pride thing, which to my deepest regret is now causing me to make bigger and bigger mistakes in life.

I do something wrong, and I know it. The trouble is that I'm sure I can handle it, sure that I will not repeat it. Time and time again it has proven to turn out the exact opposite. And yet I console myself that I won't let it happen again.

It always only takes one time for your world to come crashing down.

Romantic Shower on Flickr © !.keesssss.!

There have been many times in my life when I wondered what it would be like to be someone else. I watched the television and read books, imagining myself as those characters, fantasizing myself into a different life. The funny part is that right now, I'm exactly where I thought I could never be. It feels strange to look from the outside and realize that you've all you ever wanted from life.

-----
There are so many things I want to do, visualize myself doing. But they never materialize.
I want to go to the beach, catch a concert, go fine dining, go to the zoo, paint something gorgeous, watch a sunset, count stars, dance in public, ride an extreme ride, and SO MUCH MORE.

Just getting through the week makes me look back in wonder, that I've survived another round of classes and didn't even know it. Time really flies when you're busy, plus some other stuff. Haha.