When I was young, I used to be a perfectionist. Before I slept, my pillow had to be just so, and my blankets folded just so, and when I put my blanket on my body it had to be a nice smooth even square. Before it became wrapped up around my body like a taco in the night.
I wrote long to do lists of my homework everyday and made a big deal of ticking everything I'd accomplished. Then at night I would pack my bag for the next day, and before I slept I'd panic, suddenly feeling that I'd forgotten something, and get up several times to go check my bag again.
When I started writing in pen in secondary school, I hated cancelling out my mistakes. For awhile, I was able to do it with the occasional dismayed glance at how ugly the page looked. After awhile and until now, it's liquid paper all the way. Something always just irked me so badly that could only be soothed with whiting it out and writing over.
Sometime ago, I gave up on perfectionism and embraced going-with-the-flow. (Used to hate that non-committal phrase so much.) I must say that the stress level doesn't decrease with this new philosophy. The ever constant stress of making sure you didn't forget anything with your lists is replaced by the ever constant stress of wondering if you already have forgotten something. I am the ultimate scatter brain.
I need a working person's phone so I can check my email on the go. I think 20th century me was a lot more organized than the me today.
-----
I am quite envious of people who aren't held back by their past. People who pick up and move on and look forward to the future. I hate that I'm always reminiscing and longing for the comfort of things I've preserved in my memory. How does one change something so ingrained in their personality?
2 comments:
hey,
i was actually something like that too. i think its a capricorn thing ha ha. kinda interesting how u put it though.
aramia
Oh really? Yeah, I read somewhere it's a Virgo and Capricorn thing. My sister's a Virgo and she used to be worse than me haha. To the point that she won't even try if she doesn't think she'll do it well.
Post a Comment