Where did all that progress go? It's like I tripped on the way up the mountain and I've tumbled all the way down to the starting point again.

Just the thought of coming back and being around that situation again caused an onslaught of memories, thoughts and emotions. Once again it's keeping me awake all night. Like a torrent of painful imaginations and bad repressed feelings, culminating in horribly horribly real nightmares.

I'm scared it's me, that it'll always be me. But I'm comforted by examples around me. (Of when you may be fighting so bad but you're never afraid of losing the person, because you know you're worth fighting for. That they'll never give up on wanting to work things out.)