Wisdom Teeth

Wisdom Teeth by ILoveDoodle

A Threadless design shown to me by Aggie. Super cute!
Would make a cool rubber dam.

Hear Ye

mmmm.. on Flickr © basiljonez (Lila)

Yes, I hear you people. No, I am not a pessimist, it just comes out that way. I'm really a very very hopeful and sunny optimist. Really. So optimistic I am usually in self-denial and in my own delusions. That's what keeps me happy when the world is sad. Although I guess I shouldn't be finding the world sad.

Hmmm. Whatever. Still haven't found the right combination in a person who can appreciate my cocktail of general nonchalance and sporadic excitement over juvenile things. And who doesn't make me feel either needy or condescending. That's one tough nut to crack there.

Ooooh. I'm going to be watching Backstreet Boys Live In Singapore! Much deserved after The Killers bailed on us. And Chicago sometime in the future. And I really want to do fun things with fun people. Like go to a themepark, cycle/rollerblade, enjoy some seabreeze, just some fun spontaneous thing. If only my everyday didn't require a good night's sleep.

Sad sad. Very sad. :(

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Holla if you're reading me!

Ugh. It sucks when you try to be productive and suddenly the whole world, i.e. the Internet conspires against you. I know life has been greatly improved by this invention, but I can't count my blessings (from being born in the technological era) when I cannot send email! I'm sacrificing serious TV time now.

24 hours is way too short to get everything done. Yet just too long to endure sometimes.

Best not to think about anything, that's my solution to life's troubles. Ha. Ha.

Don't Look

Untitled on Flickr © sandy☮

I've got turn-a-blind-eye syndrome.

This man on the MRT had a yellow furry worm on his pant leg, but I didn't want to tell him and see him start screaming or something, so I turned a blind eye. Just literally looked 15 degrees to my left till I couldn't see him anymore. As expected, some auntie alerted him and he flicked it on to the floor! Where people could just step and squish it! Not that I'm into worms, but ew, it would be on my conscience to watch the traumatic moment when its yellow innards got squished. Which it did. Which was traumatic.

At least now, I get a 10 minute light sweat from walking home from Lentor Ave to Thomson Grove. Only because the bus doesn't bring me closer and the bus always appears before a cab, so I take my chances on reaching home sooner this way. It gives me plenty of time to think if I'm sans earphones. Otherwise, it gives me the opportunity to sing really really loudly to the point that I can't hear a bicycle trying to pass me from behind.

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It's annoying that I can't make up my mind on which course to take. That this simmering below the surface keeps bubbling up then getting repressed. Guard your heart!, yells my mind.

The Mystery of the Chilli Lotion

4th of July fireworks on Flickr © Tom Schopper

Last Saturday, I found a tube of fat burning lotion with the words 'Caution: Very Hot!' and 2 cute little chilli drawings. It was said to help remove cellulite, my ultimate goal in life. So I rubbed it on my target regions and felt the heat. And kept feeling it, 10 hours later. By then it was literally hell on my ass. The fire burned when I wasn't doing anything, and suddenly would disappear. It's like sitting on a plastic seat at 12 noon. But worse. And then, at 7pm (I applied it at 7.30am), pure relief!

Today, I decided to experiment again, using a tissue, and only a smidget of lotion. The last time, my left hand continued to burn, and so did my eyes when I put on my lenses. Like crying through swollen lids. And now, my bum is roasting again. I'm pretty sure chilli doesn't burn cellulite, it's just stimulating my heat nociceptors.

I need to stop doing these things to myself.

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The most difficult thing for me has always been to just surrender and let go. Even now, my mind is constantly churning out ways to keep it going, unwilling to give up. When will the happy bubble finally burst?

No Horning (Hmmm)

Everyone thinks passing a theory driving test is easy. Sure, it's not like an undergrad course. It's all common sense. Especially when you've been driving for the past, 4 years?

But not when you're Malaysian. Or from any other country than Singapore, for that matter. What the heck are all these road signs? In Malaysia, driving is like instinct, rules are for babies, and even if you don't break the law, you've to be vigilant of others who will break the law around you. So you need to drive defensively, lawlessly, to anticipate and circumvent the lawbreakers around you. What do you mean, there's a rulebook?

And so, I am getting quite confused by all the different road markings and symbols.

Maybe I exaggerate. Anywho, I'm sure you'll catch me driving on a road beside you in no time.

I over plucked my right eyebrow. Now I look angry all the time :(

Heartless

If there's one thing blogging has taught me, it's that I'm an expert on one subject: myself. As self absorbed as it sounds, I spent more time thinking about what I'm thinking and why I'm thinking it than anything else that goes by in the day. If you catch me staring at you or your food, I'm probably temporarily blind to the world around me. It's a bad habit, I concede that much.

I'll be the first to admit that I'm completely apathetic. To the world, to society, to tragedy, to anything beyond the next 6 months of my life plan. I can't remember the last time I read a newspaper, or watched world news on TV. It occurs to me once in awhile that the shock I'll get when something bad pops my bubble may not be something I can survive.

Mom thinks I should engage in some charity. And God willing, I will commit to something. I'm quite tired of being spoilt and forever lamenting my sad sad life. It's just completely uncalled for when I've been blessed in so many ways I cannot even count.

I won't be some bleeding heart, hopping to every country that hits the news, but I want my life to count for more than this. At the very least, it's the best way to get out of my head and do something useful for once.

Have a heart on Flickr © Nina.Kalyn

I am EXHAUSTED. Turning onto my side in bed hurts like hell, lifting my neck from the pillow hurts like hell, trying to scrub my back in the shower or take off my shirt hurts like hell. It's like I've been run over by a truck.

But it's good. I like pain. Body pain is way better than brain pain, or heart pain.

And I've received a promotion! Which means more responsibility, more on my plate and time to grow up. It took me a really long time to get comfortable in the dance group, but now that I'm more involved, I feel a lot more ownership. How different it is from dance in JC, where everyday I looked forward to rehearsals at night, to supper at McDonald's and to performing in concerts or competing.

If you dig carefully, you'll realize my motives and priorities (obsessions) have always been the same. It makes you really vulnerable to be ruled by your emotions.

Rainbow

Surfers and a Rainbow on © Flickr Calico182

Today, I uncharacteristically observed a sleeping man's Ezlink card fall to the floor, picked it up, tapped the man awake and returned it, all in the few seconds before alighting from the train.

Then, I made real conversation with some people in my new cell group, where I actually could click.

I feel like a superhero.

Don't sneer, these aren't everyday phenomena for me.

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Is it just a me complex? To feel completely shocked when someone's suddenly nice to me. And then to feel wary, and quite afraid to wear out that welcome.

I think some friendships are meant to be distant. People always put so much more effort into something when it's not a sure thing, when they haven't started taking each other for granted. The sad truth about relationships, indeed.

My Dream Guy

1) Will catch my wavelength
2) Will encourage me, admire me and make me feel awesome about myself
3) Will be outgoing, confident, well-liked but has eyes only for me
4) Will love me so much that he'll never tire of working out our problems
5) Will be cuddly, sweet, and let me be free to be myself around him
6) Will treat me as his closest friend and confidante, above all other people

Pah. Yeah right.

I don't know how to feel anymore. I don't even know how to get myself out of this hole. I'm scared the future won't be brighter than the past. I fear that my treacherous heart will keep betraying me. And placing all my cares on Him seems to work only a few minutes in a prayer.

I always lose all my inhibitions when it gets late at night, when I'm all sleepy. That's the time my tongue's really loose and I start saying things I would normally filter out. Sometimes it's my funnier, more entertaining self emerging, at other times people go, 'Errrrrr'.

It's also when I do the things I end up regretting the next morning. The things that reveal how defenseless I am. Shameless, prideless things that I always vow to never do again. But end up failing the next time I feel sleepy. It's becoming quite an interesting observation, even to myself.

In the mornings, I feel like I can take on the world, and that all the problems of yesterday were microscopic. Oh, to feel mighty 24/7.

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I am so annoyed I can't install iTunes for my new iPod!

Even at 11am, 1U is pretty crowded and by 1.30pm cars are once again stalking you when you walk. I empathize as I've been there. And this is on New Year's Day, which kinda tells you these aren't the people who partied last night. Probably got beat out by the crowd to go any place last night so they set their alarms and vowed to be the first at the mall this morning.

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New Year always coincides with a new year in MY life. Literally. Thought up some resolutions to be a proper grown up, fingers crossed:

1) Be independent and self sufficient (Do everything for myself which I would usually rely on someone else for)
i.e. I don't need no man

2) More organized and less stressed out in school
i.e. Remember that it's the process and not the outcome

3) Really really start on my spiritual growth
i.e. Devotions, church search

4) Not to let anymore external factors get me down
i.e. Look at the bigger picture, no more pessimism

5) Get rid of my bad habits once and for all
Ugh, I just broke this one :(

(This list will be extended as I think of more)