No matter what I do, there is a niggling sense of something being wrong.

When I am super busy, I feel disturbed that time is passing so quickly. It bothers me that I'm doing so many things without having the time to reflect on what I've been doing. It feels like 'Things To Do' is taking over my life and I'm just tagging along on the ride. By the time I hit the bed, I am shocked that a day or a week has passed without me even noticing.

On the flip side, give me a day of holiday and that doubting sensation will creep in as well. When my day is so free that I have to fill it up with activities, I strangely feel unproductive. There's this sense of guilt harbouring in me, like I'm meant to be working and suffering. Like something's wrong that I'm able to do anything I want.

Which is why I cannot imagine how people survive doing nothing for 10 months before starting university. I spent 4 months going to lessons and I still feel unsettled on vacation.

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Morning prayer actually felt pretty good. o.o Although we were the earliest at 6.45 am (for once in my life).