I've been spending every bit of my free time on things that instantly gratify me: going out, watching show after show after show, the Internet, shopping. I feel so relieved whenever I find something fun and light hearted to occupy any empty time in my schedule, because I'm so afraid of what will happen, what I will feel, if it's just me left to face that void by myself. As a result, I've lost all ambition, focus, drive and hardly spend any time with God as well.
So that's reminder number one for yours truly.
Secondly, I think I finally get what it means to be humble. To be really stripped of pride, to not envy or covet another's possessions, physical attributes or success because none of it, none of it can be credited to man. All this need I feel to prove myself worthy, more attractive, smarter has nothing to do with glorifying God but all to do with my own pride. I mean this is pretty obvious stuff, but I just don't know how to put into words that clarity I suddenly got about it. Why should I feel upset that someone else is 'superior' to me because to be upset would be to have pride that I want to be better. Why should I require recognition for being intelligent, good looking or having a better personality/character because to need that validation would mean I have pride. It would mean that man's approval matters more to me than God's.
By and large this is all very general for me right now. I can see how applying it would have saved me a lot of unnecessary over thinking and silly stress the past year, but I'm not sure if things were to happen again I could do it differently.
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