Mnemonics for the 12 Cranial Nerves

On Occasion Our Trusty Truck Acts Funny. Very Good Vehicle Any How
On Old Olympus' Towering Tops A Friendly Viking Grew Vines and Hops
Oh Oh Oh To Touch And Feel Very Good Velvet, Ah Heaven
Oh, Oh, Oh To Touch And Feel Various Girls' Vaginas And Hymens
Only Older Octogenarians That Take A Free Viagra Get Very Aroused Here
Oh, Oh, Onward Through The Airy Facade Viewing Gorgeous Vixens Acessorizing Hopelessly
Oh Once One Takes The Anatomy Final Very Good Vacations Are Heavenly
OOO Truely There Are Five Very Gorgeous Vixens Awaiting Him
Ooh, Ooh, Ooh To Touch And Feel Veronica's Gaping Vagina And Hymen

I simply can't choose.

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I decided to give hair dying a shot, using Aggie's leftover L' Oreal hair dye. I thought I'd just do the edges, so I wouldn't go bald at the scalp and if anything went wrong, I could chop it off. Since I was dead tired and had class in the afternoon, after Aggie put on the dye, I slept face down like a star ON THE FLOOR, to avoid staining the bed.

Alas, no colour observable when it was done.

So I redid it after class, this time more. And alas, still no colour. Well, mildly, under extremely particular lighting, you can see it's browner. Conclusion: The dye must be the same colour as my hair.

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I'm glad I'm so busy nowadays. I feel purpose driven and I no longer have the time to ponder or mope around. Still, out of nowhere I'll get those clutching feelings of something missing.

I'm sure it's just nostalgia.

Age Is Nothing But A Number

I know I just turned 20 not so far back, but I feel like I'm already gearing up for the big 21. Just the same way I already mentally prepared myself for the number 20 while my birthday was months away. A little premature, I know.


It's just another year. Just a different figure on the cake. (This time, I had about 4 cakes for that many different birthday celebrations.)

It actually takes growing older to realize how much more you don't know about the world. I think I'm less sure and less cocky today than I was at, say, 15.

When I was younger, I generally thought that once you hit a certain age, you are required to know certain things. That there was no need to worry about certain issues now, because I'd know everything when the time came. Hah, so wrong. Poor naive child.

It reminds me of when I was little, and I thought signatures were something people received when they reached the age they were required to sign. I thought people went to some kind of school to learn how to sign, and that's where you get your own assigned signature. Cos' it totally didn't make sense to me that you can change your signature anytime. How could anyone verify anything that way? Or like when Dad lied to me (and I fell for it) that you need a licence to cycle a bicycle on the road. I'd mentioned that I wanted to cycle somewhere, and he laughed at me, asking whether I'd gotten my licence yet. I was so embarassed I shut up.

Things like banks, stock markets, other professions - I really draw a blank. Being a grown-up (or bordering on being one) doesn't entitle you to knowledge. I still don't know everything I thought I'd know about by now. And if I don't look, I may never figure it out too haha.

Now it's obvious to me that you just barrel through life and keep practising and repeating things til you master them. You're not going to do new things because you already know how, but because you're slightly more confident in your ability to handle them. I'm still essentially the same person today as I was a few years ago, and I guess I always will be.

My Love Affair

My affair with nail polish just keeps burning like a lava lamp. It is true. I cannot get sick of colour on my nails. I tend to stick with the conventional, conventional for me, that is. Tones on the cool side of the colour wheel. They probably represent my less flamboyant side. Before I head to the nail salon, I tell myself, it's time to go for something like pink or orange. Once I reach the place, I reach for the same old colours again.

Athalie asked me if dentists could wear nail polish. I admit, I removed the bright red colour I had on before I went for an interview. Just in case. But dentists wear gloves. And I do not see any of my classmates sacrificing style for their profession.



I suppose I just like the way it clashes with all my outfits.

Storyteller

I make my life into a story. Not just here, but to people, anyone I meet. It's an icebreaker - this happened just now, that happened last night, last month someone did this, last year I did that...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm living my life or just watching myself lead it from a distance. When I'm surrounded by my friends or family, I sometimes have out-of-body experiences. I seem to see myself in that scene from afar, like I'm watching my 'character' doing things and having fun.

It's times like those that I feel I'm on autopilot, saying things, responding but there's really no brain activity. At other times, I just step out of the scene 'spiritually' and feel so contented, like I can't believe such joy and happiness exist. The saddest part is when I have to retell moments to make them real. I find myself storing away events that happen, filing away those little bits of information immediately, so that I can regale people with funny incidents that happened throughout the day. I know most people do that too. But I wish there could be more moments where I'm not even conscious of being myself. Like that first dance, first date, first joke where you're too immersed in the moment to think about anything else. I cherish those moments, because they felt real.

But I don't mind really. If telling stories to people is what it takes to form relationships and make people happy, then I'm happy too. I'd be delighted if someone could do the same back for me once in awhile. Because it gets tiring and feels like too much work after awhile.

27 Dresses

I really liked this movie. It's going to my faves. I think it's pushed How To Lose A Guy off the top of my favourite romcoms too.

Phyl & I were laughing like a bunch of hyenas during the drunken singing bit. I guess the whole cinema was too but it seemed like only the two of us were. I laughed til I cried haha.

I am so gonna look at Katherine Heigl differently after this. James Marsden, oh yeah, Corny Collins.

Absent-Mindedness

Ever thrown your socks in the dustbin instead of the laundry bin?

Or, like I did most recently, threw the empty icecream box into the sink and the expensive Haagen Daaz scoop into the trash?

My most recurring habit is really annoying. (Seriously, it's happened too freakishly many times that it's not funny anymore.)

I like Ribena. I'm a member of the not-so-sweet Ribena fan club. (Some people drink it in equal proportions with water. Ahem.) (100% recycled! And you can fling it against the wall without inflicting damage! I think.)


I kinda like soda too - Sprite, 7-Up.

Together, they incinerate my throat, esophagus and probably my GI Tract as well.

It's been like a zillion times that I've poured a little Ribena syrup, grabbed a bottle from the fridge and topped it up to realize it's NOT water but some sickly sweet carbonated drink. Then I force myself to drink up the disgustingly saccharine concoction. Poor me, doomed for diabetes.

As a side note, this is our gang's favourite food. Tomyam.


The MSG content will probably kill us soon. But at least we'll die satiated.

As I've just gone out and had Tomyam at S.E.A Seafood (not the Island), the ajinomoto has taken root in my body. I'm trying to flush it out with my cocktail of Ribena & Mountain Dew whatever.

By the way, could you tell I was trying to provide more images? This is in response to complaints I have received recently about a lack of visual stimuli haha.

Labels & Identity

I wouldn't be surprised if everyone reading my blog thought I was emo-depressive or whatever the new jargon is today. I thought I should just let you know the other side of me, the frivolous airhead side. Like how I go for manicures and pedicures every month or so, simply because I think colour on nails is awesome. In fact, Ade & I had a debate once on whether accessories or nail colour is more important. At first I was adamant on nail colour, but I conceded that a great necklace or earring may pull off an outfit better.

Yea, this is a warning for more girly posts yet to come.

I've another more dominating side, the OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) one. Or neurotic. Or anal. (See? I can't just pick one.) That's the me who lays out her outfit the night before, minus the earlier auto planning time, visualizing what goes together. Not that it's a spectacular outfit, I just like to wear something different everyday. Something more convincing? At one point in childhood, I convinced myself that my hands were always dirty and I couldn't touch my face, so I washed before and after I touched ANYTHING. I even used tissue like gloves.

My point is - you can't always label people. Yes, I do it myself since I obviously use terms like bimbo, nerd, jock, dancer, mom, old man, flirt, etc. But so much of who we are and our identity is totally self constructed.

I identify with working for what I want because I'm the oldest. Or it could be because I just read that article in CLEO that claims 1st borns are pleasers, 2nd borns rebels, 3rd borns pampered. It's the same with horoscopes. Reading that I'm a Capricorn has told me I'm organized, success oriented, dry, pessimistic, stable and loving (OK fine, I added the last one myself). So did that reaffirm who I am cos' that's how I've always been? Or did it just reinforce those qualities in myself and made me more and more so?

Some people claim themselves to be rebels, defying convention. Some others just settle into their stereotype. Neither is necessarily better than the other. Being a rebel is as much an identity as any other. I believe, become who you want to be. Break free of the stereotypes you dislike, but be open to the possibility that that label isn't necessarily something bad.

I used to hate it when my friends teased me for studying, or called me goody-two-shoes. I'd rebel and do silly things just to prove I wasn't what they thought I was. We all know how tough it is to change people's perceptions of you. I'll bet that til the day I die, my gang will expect me to study hard for retiree's test or something, and continue persuading me to play the drinking game with Oo Long Tea.

But labels are useful too. Once people realize you are too stubborn to be persuaded, they take you seriously. You get to fall back on that image of yourself when there are things you don't want to do. You can turn people down without offending them, because they go, "Ah, she's just like that, it's nothing."

So, if you like who you are, embrace it to the maximum. If you don't, just break out of it. I like to surprise people once in awhile by being cheerful, bubbly and random. I'm really not that sarcastic and mean all the time haha. I'm just like everyone else. OK, I'm gonna go look for a hug now.

From Uni

I am blogging from IMU, at e-lab2, which is right at the top of the escalator maze. If you get here early enough, the escalators won't be working so you can run up the wrong side of it without doing a major work out against the escalator direction. Yes, I find that fun.

Blogging from here is way fun-ner than from home. It's thrilling cos' you've to keep looking over your shoulder to make sure nobody's peeping at you. Or that nobody's caught a glimpse of your blog address. It's especially exciting for me because my layout's bright pink. Not much obscurity there. Oh, and I forgot, my purple face.

I really like wearing eyeliner nowadays. When my eyes are half closed from getting up at 5.30am, eyeliner helps make them look larger. I can actually walk around with my eyelids half shut and people think they're normal size.

I also feel good about the choice I made, to sit on the right side of the LT. The microphone cord is on the left and way too short to provide much mobility for lecturers, so they're kinda leashed to half the LT. But I still sit in front, cos' I'm blind, and don't want to get blinder.

I think I attract smoke. I try to minimize my time in the cafeteria to avoid that oily, burnt, smokey, greasy scent. So I rush in when the queue's short, pick as little amount of food I can, pay and rush out. But, STILL, I stink after that. Maybe I should change my detergent.

Since lessons have ended even at 9+am, I don't know what to do now. A nap maybe.

I'd forgotten just how liberating it is to think only about myself. The melancholic part is getting smaller and smaller each day while me, ME! is reemerging. I didn't realize how much of my personality and happiness I'd suppressed by feeling jealous, possessive, obsessive, envious and paranoid. I really don't want to feel like that again.

Dreams

My apologies. I left out one rabbit in a previous post. Aggie counted through the rabbits I mentioned in my eulogy and there's supposed to be 6 offspring. The one I forgot is Bunny. So that makes him quite nameless.

I forgot my housekeys today. To all those whom I stressed about my classes ending SO late, I exaggerated. It turns out most days I end before lunch. They make me drive 40 minutes and pay rm10+ on tolls and rm3.50 on parking, wear my fancy clothes (which is by the way, mad headache to figure out what to wear when it used to be just ANYTHING and jeans) just to sit in a lecture theatre and try not to sleep for 2 hours. Then again, what alternative am I asking for? I don't want homework. Pft.

So, I reached home at 1.10pm and found myself locked out. Lightning flashed, thunder roared and I dozed off in my car, airconless, listening to music. Lucky Ade came home 20mins later.

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I dream very vividly in the afternoons. The quality of my sleep when I nap should completely turn me off sleeping for good, but like the optimist I am, it's the first thing I do everytime I come home.

I used to boast about having the wildest dreams. Once, I was so determined to interpret my dreams that when I woke up, I'd jot down whatever happened as fast as I could, while it was freshest in my mind. One dream I had got me scribbling blind on 2 sheets of paper just to get up the next morning again and find it gone.

You'd be surprised that dreams are really like events that happened to me. I know some people totally forget what they were dreaming about. But for me, I just have to think a little bit, like do a chronological scan through my memories, and a trigger will hit me. The dream then unfolds like it happened for real.

Nowadays, I dream about things I worry about. Certain people have become starring casts in my head and I get totally confused when I get up. Just recently, I dreamt something really disturbing, and I woke up to find myself in a disgusting state, and then woke up again. So the first time I woke up wasn't even real. Once, I've woken up like you see in movies - just sat right up in bed with my heart pounding. I've cried in my sleep too, when I dreamt Mom was angry at me.

Examples of wildest dreams (in no particular order):
1) Pirate ship
2) Snake-infested flooded house/jungle
3) House arrest - attempt to escape from scary grandma (Horror movie-like, completely in blue/gray tone)
4) Never ending run on a field from a flying witch
5) Arcade adventure with a shark infested swimming pool
6) Driving cars (when I couldn't yet drive) on rollercoaster-ish skyhigh highways

It didn't take long to realize most dreams were missions or challenges I had to complete. So I turned to a professional for help. See if any of these generic meanings help you. I've had them at least once at some point.



Chase Dreams
Often in these dream scenarios, you are being pursued by some attacker, who wants to hurt or possibly kill you. You are running away, hiding, or trying to outwit your pursuer. Chase dreams may represent your way of coping with fears, stress or various situations in your waking life. Instead of confronting the situation, you are running away and avoiding it.

Failing Tests Dreams
Such dreams indicate that you are being put to the test or scrutinized and highlight your feelings of being anxious and agitated. These dreams usually have to do with your self-esteem and confidence or your lack of. You feel nervous, insecure and tend to believe the worst about yourself. Most of the time, though, people who have such dreams are unlikely to fail a test in real life. This dream goes back to their fear and own anxiety that they may not meet other's standards of them. They are afraid to let others down.

Falling Dreams
Falling dreams typically occur during the first stage of sleep. Dreams in this stage are often accompanied by muscle spasms of the arms, legs, and the whole body. It is thought that this jerking action is part of an arousal mechanism that allows the sleeper to awaken and become quickly alert and responsive to possible threats in the environment.

(Or if you're into deeper meanings:)
As with most common dream themes, falling is an indication of insecurities, instabilities, and anxieties. You are feeling overwhelmed and out of control in some situation in your waking life.

Naked Dreams
Becoming mortified at the realization that you are walking around naked in public, is often a reflection of your vulnerability or shamefulness. You may be hiding something and are afraid that others can nevertheless see right through you. Nudity also symbolizes being caught off guard, or unprepared. Many times, when you realize that you are naked in your dream, no one else seems to notice. This implies that your fears are unfounded.

Teeth Dreams
Common dream scenarios include having your teeth crumbling or falling out one by one with just a light tap. One theory is that such dreams reflect your anxiety about your appearance and how others perceive you. Another reason may be rooted in your fear of being embarrassed or making a fool of yourself in some specific situation.

Flying Dreams
Flying dreams fall under a category of dreams where you become aware that you are dreaming, known as lucid dreaming. Many dreamers have described the ability to fly in their dreams as an exhilarating, joyful, and liberating experience. If you are flying with ease and enjoying the scene and landscape below, then it suggests that you are on top of a situation. Having difficulties staying in flight indicates a lack of power in controlling your own circumstances.

Taken from Dream Moods.

Since dream interpretation seems a totally bogus line of work anyway, you should know my source is probably unreliable. Still, it's fun.

Comfort Zone

I think the worst place to be stuck in is your comfort zone. Although it's a good thing to stick by your principles and do what you believe in, you've got to be careful that you haven't stopped challenging yourself or gotten totally stoic. There's a fine line between staying firm by your choices and getting stuck in a mindbox where you cannot see beyond the glasses you put on.

Like I said, some choices can be fixed. I decided early on I don't want to smoke or do drugs. I'd also decided early on that I wouldn't drink and certain other things that I thought was out of my league at the time. It took me only a few short years to realize that most rules you make are paper-thin in strength. Just a tiny rip in the sheet and it takes barely any effort to go all the way.

Til today, I'm not sure what's right or wrong. By nature, I'm pretty cautious. I'm law abiding, God fearing and parent pleasing. Once in awhile, however, long periods of abstinence from anything 'wild' gives me a self righteous attitude. You know the argument,"C'mon, everyone does it all the time. Can't I try it just this once?"

So far, I've made it to today safe and sound. I know I'm missing out on a lot of things, but in the long run, they're not necessarily activities that will make me proud, or will define my life. Some things just may not be as important. I'd rather work on being a better person, a more caring individual. You know, the real tough stuff, that not everyone can actually pull off.

I'm really glad for my friends, though. Otherwise I'd really be a frog under a shell. Or whatever that phrase is.


It's only with people pushing you that you end up doing the kind of stuff that's forever etched in your memories. Like how looking at this picture brings back all the smiles. I wonder whatever became of the photo the stranger in the restaurant snapped of us. I bet he only caught the landing.

Escape Artist

I'm ashamed to admit that I'm always escaping from something.

I turned to my boyfriend to escape from mundaneness, so much that I got addicted.

I looked forward beyond reason to dates and to dance practices, to escape from my home while I was in Singapore.

When things went sour, I did a 180, and escaped to my family to distract me.

Now that I'm back here, I jump and run to my car once my lessons end, to escape to my home after university, simply because I need the comfort of familiarity.

I escape from work by surfing the net, watching television.

Yet I escape from my guilt and worries by doing work.

I escape from my thoughts by reaching out to my friends, for anything - a movie, a chat, just to be surrounded by noise and laughter.

At the same time, I run from my friends to my family, or to other friends.

In the past, I've run from performing, competing, exams, interviews, practices, social activities, anything that scared me.

Now, I'm not sure if I'm still running or holding on. And I'm not sure either which is the braver thing to do.

I know I should be running back to You, but I can't, or have never really been willing or able to find that avenue.

I think too much. Time to escape again, to Marieb tonight haha.

Our Four Cars

Let me introduce you to the 4 cars in our home. This is really for the benefit of those who are not familiar with Proton or Perodua (Malaysian) cars because when I describe my escapades, you will not be able to picture the actual scene in action.

We have 4 - a whale, a tank, a seal and the latest addition, the little chick. The little chick's mine, and it's called a Myvi. I'm not the newest person to own one. Apparently it's the most popular car on the road, and yes, you cannot drive on M'sian roads without seeing at least 5 in a day. When I chose the colour Gold, I thought I was being special but unfortunately by the time it arrived 3 weeks later, Gold was the new Black.

Also, out of my gang of 9 friends here, 4 of us own Myvis too, but in different colours. We plan to convert the entire group soon. Then we can all paste numbers or alphabets on our cars' sides, and drive in a row when we go out. We can even park in a row and when we go home, our cars blinkers will all go on at the same time as we walk to them. Just like a movie.

So here are my cars. The tank & whale were christened by my former ballet teacher, cos' that's just how she describes people, I mean, things.

The tank (Volvo 740):

The seal (Proton Wira):

The whale (Honda Odyssey):The newest, the little chick (Myvi):


I'm now too used to driving a small car, which makes me pretty careless with my judgement. In the back of my mind, a voice says, 'Ah ya, can make it la'. I'm still closing one eye and half waiting for the *crunch* when I actually hit something. Hehe.

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I didn't sleep a wink on the drive back. To be fair, Dad was driving super fast at > 140km/h. At the beginning he took a sharp turn so fast in a one lane curve that he broke abruptly, flinging Aggie into my arms. Sorry Ag, but I shoved her away cos' she totally crushed me. See? I told you to wear a seatbelt! Oh, by the way, we saw this burning truck on the highway, around 2am.

I was being deluged by thoughts, fantasies and recollections. Crap, how long can I keep this up? Or maybe it's all in the mind. I mean, it's normal to feel lonely and nostalgic whenever you travel. But I feel like I can't stay away. At least I'm safe now, 400km away. Argh, I don't know if I'm doing the right thing!

Eulogy to Woolie

Last Sunday, there was a death in the house. Though I'd consider that particular family member a distant one of mine (since I had nothing to do with the rabbits, as I was all along an advocate of giving them away), it was quite a miserable affair.

See, my house (it wouldn't be right to say 'I', since like I said, I don't really take care of them) had 7 rabbits. One oldie, Pride, a pure white one, an American Woolly called Woolie who underwent gestation and propagated to give 5 offspring: April, Fool, Al (who is skinny and furless - just like me - Ade made me say this), a deceased brother who died as a baby (that was another horrible sad story), and Oddball a.k.a. Baby (cos' it's all black while the others are brown like the mom). Pride's the daddy, who cheated on his deceased wife, Angel.

Now the serious part. Woolie hadn't been eating for days and practically couldn't move. She seemed to be paralysed and could only lie on one side. I guess it's mostly because she didn't eat, refused to open her mouth and therefore was completely weak. It was pretty painful to watch because she looked like she was all alone in the world, and absolutely terrified even of us who were trying to comfort her.

We brought her to the vet who found nothing wrong with her. Mind you, it was a young vet with a fancy clinic. So we started trying to feed her blended carrot juice and even then I had to squirt it into her jaw because she couldn't or wouldn't open her mouth while Ade cradled her like a baby. The worst part was that she looked like she was in torture, and was drooling the juice out. She coughed like she was choking so we gave up. When we put her back in the tub layed with newspaper, she looked like she was suffocating because she could only lie on her face.

By then, we kept asking Dad to just put her to sleep. The whole time, we stroked her, tried to baby her cos' she just looked so pitiful and terrified. One of her eyes also had a cataract and it was just awful when we realized that even when we put our finger near, she couldn't see. Imagine how scary that must've been, dying and being unable to see what's happening around you. No wonder she couldn't eat or respond to us.

She suddenly had these seizures and shivered madly. We were all crying by then, Ade like mad, watching her struggle. Finally, thankfully, she died in Ade's arms. She just suddenly relaxed and stopped moving. Thank God really, it was much easier seeing her go.

I guess this isn't really an eulogy since I didn't say nice things about Woolie. I just wanted to remember to pamper my pets a little more because they may go anytime. I don't think we have the space for more cemeteries in our back/frontyard.

The pampering goes for humans too.

What Your Sleeping Position Says About You

Copyright BBC

Foetus
Those who curl up in the foetus position are described as tough on the outside but sensitive at heart. They may be shy when they first meet somebody, but soon relax. This is the most common sleeping position, adopted by 41% of the 1,000 people who took part in the survey. More than twice as many women as men tend to adopt this position.

Log
Lying on your side with both arms down by your side. These sleepers are easy going, social people who like being part of the in-crowd, and who are trusting of strangers. However, they may be gullible.

Yearner
People who sleep on their side with both arms out in front are said to have an open nature, but can be suspicious, cynical. They are slow to make up their minds, but once they have taken a decision, they are unlikely ever to change it.

Soldier
Lying on your back with both arms pinned to your sides. People who sleep in this position are generally quiet and reserved. They don't like a fuss, but set themselves and others high standards.

Freefall
Lying on your front with your hands around the pillow, and your head turned to one side. Often gregarious and brash people, but can be nervy and thin-skinned underneath, and don't like criticism, or extreme situations.

Starfish
Lying on your back with both arms up around the pillow. These sleepers make good friends because they are always ready to listen to others, and offer help when needed. They generally don't like to be the centre of attention.

The research found that the freefall position was good for digestion, while the starfish and soldier positions were more likely to lead to snoring and a bad night's sleep.
It was also found that most people are unlikely to change their sleeping position. Just 5% said they sleep in a different position every night.

In my high school days, I used to be a Starfish or Soldier. Today, I only manage those when I take afternoon naps. At night however, I've converted into the Foetus or Freefaller. I think it says something about my state of mind these few years. And what on earth is the Yearner?

Bonding Rituals of Man

I'm in Singapore right now, having skipped Integrated Metabolism lecture today, visiting my grandma and extended family. We've just had a BBQ by the pool, one of our annual activities we look forward to.

As I looked at the swimming pool, it struck me. What is it about male bonding? 2 old men were floating in the pool, half, no 90% naked, getting all prune-y and wrinkly, and looking like they were having the most serious conversation of their life. Ok, one wasn't too old since he still had the bod but the other, er, yeah.

I'd think that works for couples, I mean, all that nudity's gotta do something for the chemistry. But ew, it's just like a bunch of men discussing business in jacuzzis with only the bubbles concealing their bits.

Now, BBQs? Those rock my socks man. You let the guys (and Aggie - she made me acknowledge her work) do all the macho grilling, while you just offer to run up and down and get stuff like chips, drinks, the radio. You sit there and get all your fingers gross peeling at drumsticks, lamb chop, beef steaks, crab (that was a new one for us!), etc. The best part is the bonding, where you (or me) run off your mouth like a motor going on and on and on about everything under the sky.

As a digression, I think Ade & me are really similar. We talk like speedboats and when I went to Chinese, her friends hear me talking downstairs and when they saw me they were like, 'Ah! I knew it was Ade's sister! They have the same vibe!'. I think that's kinda cool.

Yeah, so it's times like these that makes you feel so totally loved. Just like hanging with your besties, the shared memories and reminiscing about the past with my cousins makes me feel like, yeah, this is where I belong.

I also found out that my high school raises hooligans. I don't think even we were such awful pranksters the way Ade tells it now. Horrifying bullies, sticking up someone's Friendster pics on bathroom mirrors! Aiyoyo, OMG, please don't let me ever offend someone that badly to deserve that. I seriously believe bullying should never go beyond limits of humanity. I could never hurt an innocent person intentionally like that.

Oh yes, bonding. Moral of the story: Hang out with people who know you best, love you and make you feel good. Preferably over food (or drinks for some others). Everyone else doesn't really matter.

As I read, we spend 90% worrying about the opinions of people we don't know or even care about. Kinda lame.

And the old man thing in the beginning doesn't really have a link, I just found it weird.

Resolution

I've decided that life is too short. Too short to spend 95% of my time thinking of what ifs and things that may not even happen. The present is all we have and the present is NOW.

So, I'm gonna be a happy person. I want to be the kind of person who radiates joy. You know, the kind that people just want to be with because they're so fun to be around, they make you feel good. And to get there, I've gotta focus on me and stop worrying about other people and why they don't like me. So I've gotta become someone I myself like (even if it's all shiok sendiri haha)

And if some people just cannot see that, if they just can't be patient or caring enough to wait to see the real me, if they just don't appreciate me for who I am? Their loss.

Also, because I figure that defences built are a double edged sword. You think those walls you build will protect you from disappointment, so you stop hoping and pretend you don't care. But really, that just backfires in the end. I don't want to have such thick walls I end up a cold, heartless, detached, isolated, anti-social bitch. I'd much rather give and give even though it hurts.

Seize the day! I shall strive to enjoy every moment I have with the people around me. =)

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I totally miss dates. It felt like my heart was bursting with fullness having someone to hold, just someone beside me, specially for me. Sigh.

Memories

Memory is a really funny thing. You can totally brainwash yourself to believe anything you want. I suppose that's why it's called selective memory.

Sometimes that rocks. Like how I go to sleep dreaming of Biology yet cannot remember the name of my schoolmate. That's fine.

It only sucks when memories you try to suppress keep coming up to bother you. It's just so interesting how the only things I seem to remember are the good stuff and how much I miss certain things. The bad - whoosh - out the window. Basic survival is supposed to programme me to forget things that harm me!

I guess I've really brainwashed myself well. Optimistic about things doomed for failure, totally out of touch with things I should focus on. I've really gone and done it, I've made myself just react the same way to the same things when actually it's all different now. Everytime I step into this place, the same old thoughts flood me. Argh argh argh.

The only consolation is that it's just up to me. Once I decide, selective memory will do its thing.

Hello, wake up!

Numero Uno

I don't really know why I created this blog, but now that it's here, it would be pretty cowardly to just abandon ship.

Tomorrow's a holiday. I'm going for a mani/pedi first thing. I've thought long and hard about it. Dark blue & bright purple this time haha. Then we're driving down to Singapore.

It's really really unbelievable how just possibilities and prospects can make me so nervous and excited. It's like you work so hard to reach a certain point of stability and your brain can fling it all away in just one second. Like it's just so telling how I so willingly skip uni and rush to go home everyday for some futile thing. But I really think I'm okay now, that I'm in control again.

Orientation's been pretty cool after all. And I really like the people I get to hang out with everyday. As I was telling Quah & co. at Chinese, I judge a true friend by the laughter response. When I tell a joke, and make people laugh, that's when I know I can totally be myself with them. I never really knew that I liked being the comic. Cool. But in a dry way haha, no slapstick for me.

Now if only the Quah would come online so she could pretty up my blog.