Storyteller

I make my life into a story. Not just here, but to people, anyone I meet. It's an icebreaker - this happened just now, that happened last night, last month someone did this, last year I did that...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm living my life or just watching myself lead it from a distance. When I'm surrounded by my friends or family, I sometimes have out-of-body experiences. I seem to see myself in that scene from afar, like I'm watching my 'character' doing things and having fun.

It's times like those that I feel I'm on autopilot, saying things, responding but there's really no brain activity. At other times, I just step out of the scene 'spiritually' and feel so contented, like I can't believe such joy and happiness exist. The saddest part is when I have to retell moments to make them real. I find myself storing away events that happen, filing away those little bits of information immediately, so that I can regale people with funny incidents that happened throughout the day. I know most people do that too. But I wish there could be more moments where I'm not even conscious of being myself. Like that first dance, first date, first joke where you're too immersed in the moment to think about anything else. I cherish those moments, because they felt real.

But I don't mind really. If telling stories to people is what it takes to form relationships and make people happy, then I'm happy too. I'd be delighted if someone could do the same back for me once in awhile. Because it gets tiring and feels like too much work after awhile.