Martyr

Doing good is it's own reward. That's what most people say, right? I've been wondering about what kind of satisfaction that actually brings, when you do a good deed.

I think we do good sometimes just to feel good about ourselves. Which ends up making it more about us, the do-gooder, than the recipient. It seems to be a guilty trigger inside us, guilt over having more than someone else, guilt that we're more blessed. To assuage that guilt, we try to give some of what we have to someone else who needs it. Nothing wrong with that, don't get me wrong. It's just ironic that in the process of helping someone else, you're actually trying to help yourself too.

I find myself always making small sacrifices. Though I complain, deep down, I wouldn't have it any other way. It's not really that I secretly want to do those things, more that I feel better knowing I've done my fair bit. Feeling better about yourself that you've done your share or more, instead of freeloading. For example, house chores come around, and I find myself again yelling at my sisters to please pull their weight around the house and stop letting me do all the work. In the end, I'd rather be the one to give in and finish the job than make my sisters do extra. There's just this mentality that if I do more, sacrifice more, I am doing the right thing.

Maybe we're just programmed that way. Humans are capable of treasuring any of their characteristics. To become 'proud', so to speak of our abilities, including being a martyr. But sometimes it doesn't really matter the motivation, as long as it brings about good consequences. Sometimes.