Plan A - Gone to the dogs!
Plan B - 7 years of soul searching.
Plan C - Break bond. Years of travel and greater soul searching.
Plan D - Break bond. Go home.
Yes, I'm thankful I have a home that I love and loves me back.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
It's hard to manoeuvre (had to Google that) in a world where people don't think like you do. Where you've to second guess their intentions and double check yours, so that messages don't get sent out or received wrongly.
In all conflicts, my approach is confrontational. I'm adverse to avoidance. I'm always reacting too quickly, too eager to talk things out and solve the problem right away. Very distressed at the thought of being misunderstood or thought of badly by someone I respect or of whose approval I want.
And so I cannot begin to comprehend people who choose to ignore, to run away from a difficult phase of a relationship. What do you expect to gain from this mode of action? What do you hope to solve?
Maybe time does heal all wounds and restores all trust.
-----
Funny spoof!
I wonder if they teach you that in Movie School?
In all conflicts, my approach is confrontational. I'm adverse to avoidance. I'm always reacting too quickly, too eager to talk things out and solve the problem right away. Very distressed at the thought of being misunderstood or thought of badly by someone I respect or of whose approval I want.
And so I cannot begin to comprehend people who choose to ignore, to run away from a difficult phase of a relationship. What do you expect to gain from this mode of action? What do you hope to solve?
Maybe time does heal all wounds and restores all trust.
-----
Funny spoof!
I wonder if they teach you that in Movie School?
Friday, May 28, 2010
Little Bits of Happiness
- Opening the fridge to find yogurt drink. Aptly named Bliss.
- Trying on a gorgeous dress and finding that it fits!
- Watching a recording of your dance routine where everyone's in sync!
- Laughing out loud at a sitcom
- Dressing up for a night out with the girls (not so much fun with the boys)
- Getting everything you planned for a school day done on time
- Watching an assessor sign your assessment book or card
- A day out with friends. Outdoors.
- Stepping into an air conditioned room after dripping with sweat in the sun
- Tearing the wrapper of a present
- Opening the covers of a new book
- Landing in a new country
Nerves
Since way back in high school, say when I just became a teenager, I've been 'suffering' from the same condition. Every time there's an event in the day, like a performance or an outing where dressing up or putting on a good show is at stake, I cannot sleep in late. Today was the only day I could have slept in without consequence this weekend but here I am, 9 a.m. and the knotting of my stomach has woken me up again.
Damn you, bowels!
Damn you, bowels!
BumbleBee
Calvin Klein | Calvin Klein Cut Out Colourblock Swimsuit at ASOS
Too bad no more beachee hols.
Beachee kinda looks like lychee.
Chee.
Chee.
Too bad no more beachee hols.
Beachee kinda looks like lychee.
Chee.
Chee.
Rah-rah-ah-ah-ah
Roma, Roma-ma
GaGa Oolala
Want your bad romance
Stuck in my head!
I think it's so much more fun doing a concert as a guest item, coming and going as you please. Except that the coming this time cost me S$32! (Times many exclamation marks, but I hate being bimbotic like that). I can't believe how much I spend on cabs, and how not worth it this whole thing is, but like Mom always says, and it's an awful way of thinking that I've adopted: It's not like we can't afford it.
No, it's not that we're rich, but it's just a way of consoling ourselves when we waste money and do stupid things. So we don't harp on feeling sad, losing sleep over lost dol-lahs but just move on and forget about it. Like how I'm so sure I have a few months' supply of contact lenses that I took out of the cupboard and kept somewhere I was positive I'd find. And now there's none left, either because I really misplaced it or it's finished. And so I bought a month's worth that cost S$80 (more exclamation marks). And I'm sad, but I tell myself: It's not like we can't afford it.
Don't really see how I'll survive in future. Unless I stay with my parents forever. And there's no way I'm going to own a VW or an Audi now. Or wear expensive clothes. Or get plastic surgery for my wrinkles. Because all the money's going to go to buying the same old things I lose again and again every week.
Roma, Roma-ma
GaGa Oolala
Want your bad romance
Stuck in my head!
I think it's so much more fun doing a concert as a guest item, coming and going as you please. Except that the coming this time cost me S$32! (Times many exclamation marks, but I hate being bimbotic like that). I can't believe how much I spend on cabs, and how not worth it this whole thing is, but like Mom always says, and it's an awful way of thinking that I've adopted: It's not like we can't afford it.
No, it's not that we're rich, but it's just a way of consoling ourselves when we waste money and do stupid things. So we don't harp on feeling sad, losing sleep over lost dol-lahs but just move on and forget about it. Like how I'm so sure I have a few months' supply of contact lenses that I took out of the cupboard and kept somewhere I was positive I'd find. And now there's none left, either because I really misplaced it or it's finished. And so I bought a month's worth that cost S$80 (more exclamation marks). And I'm sad, but I tell myself: It's not like we can't afford it.
Don't really see how I'll survive in future. Unless I stay with my parents forever. And there's no way I'm going to own a VW or an Audi now. Or wear expensive clothes. Or get plastic surgery for my wrinkles. Because all the money's going to go to buying the same old things I lose again and again every week.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Into Pieces
Hearts are breaking all around me. Wish something could be done to pick up all the pieces. Conjure up your inner strength and remind yourself that things can only get better! That person is just not worth it!
For the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Tonight was a night of complete satisfaction. Beaming and skipping all the way home.
For the joy of the Lord is my strength.
Tonight was a night of complete satisfaction. Beaming and skipping all the way home.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Oh no, this week's coming to an end, what am I going to do after this? It's been so purposeful and meaningful having something important to do everyday, rushing here and there like my life depends on it.
BSF today was a mild affair. At first, I was a little apprehensive because my group is full of mother figures. But as they discussed and threw around ideas for an hour, I began to notice all their little antics and individual mannerisms. Suddenly I could picture all of them as young girls, the way they talked and enthused about things, the way they called attention on themselves and the way they were serious or humorous. So it was nice after all hanging out with older ladies.
-----
I'm starting to feel bad that I cannot give each of my patients the proper attention they deserve. I hate seeing them, then having to delay them and tell them they can only come in for treatment, like, months later. And my heartstrings are getting tugged by their sob stories. It makes me feel like staying back for hours to clear their problems. But I can't. And that's life.
BSF today was a mild affair. At first, I was a little apprehensive because my group is full of mother figures. But as they discussed and threw around ideas for an hour, I began to notice all their little antics and individual mannerisms. Suddenly I could picture all of them as young girls, the way they talked and enthused about things, the way they called attention on themselves and the way they were serious or humorous. So it was nice after all hanging out with older ladies.
-----
I'm starting to feel bad that I cannot give each of my patients the proper attention they deserve. I hate seeing them, then having to delay them and tell them they can only come in for treatment, like, months later. And my heartstrings are getting tugged by their sob stories. It makes me feel like staying back for hours to clear their problems. But I can't. And that's life.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
On Flickr by joanna.briggsMay God give me the grace to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Of Watermelons & Motorcycles
I have this (fake?) memory of crash dummy test ads on M'sian TV where they used watermelons to illustrate human heads bursting in motorcycle or car accidents. The watermelons were strapped into helmets and they'd crack and explode when the car/bike crashed. Or did I imagine all this.
This is apparently a very important crusade for a certain somebody. Mission in life: Ban motorcycles! I kind of agree, highest death rate, hazard to road users; motorcyclists only stand to lose on the road. Bicycles seldom pose a threat, most cars just avoid the left lane. But motorcycles on the other hand move in and out and actually endanger everybody.
-----
Never been more tired in recent times, really. It's the hundredth time I've said it but I'm back to nodding off on trains, nodding off against walls and sneaking out of dance studios to collapse on the closest soft surface to sleep (after setting my alarm for the next rehearsal). I hope I don't forget about the partay after dance tomorrow.
This Tuesday, some of us old Western Dancers are going to be reunited, this time as separate dance groups performing as guest items in RP's Momentum. If I could draw a time line and life line like they did with the comics on Heroes, I'd be very fascinated at how lives criss-cross like weave patterns on a mat. Maybe I'm just too used to a life where people just vanish, and if you don't want to see someone anymore, you just stop looking them up. It seemed quite impossible to bump into people randomly back in Malaysia, like you had to make the effort to even keep someone in your life. Over here you just cannot escape people, everyone seems to know everyone else.
Speaking of which, there are some people I'd love to say hi to again. If they wanted to say hi back to me. ):
This is apparently a very important crusade for a certain somebody. Mission in life: Ban motorcycles! I kind of agree, highest death rate, hazard to road users; motorcyclists only stand to lose on the road. Bicycles seldom pose a threat, most cars just avoid the left lane. But motorcycles on the other hand move in and out and actually endanger everybody.
-----
Never been more tired in recent times, really. It's the hundredth time I've said it but I'm back to nodding off on trains, nodding off against walls and sneaking out of dance studios to collapse on the closest soft surface to sleep (after setting my alarm for the next rehearsal). I hope I don't forget about the partay after dance tomorrow.
This Tuesday, some of us old Western Dancers are going to be reunited, this time as separate dance groups performing as guest items in RP's Momentum. If I could draw a time line and life line like they did with the comics on Heroes, I'd be very fascinated at how lives criss-cross like weave patterns on a mat. Maybe I'm just too used to a life where people just vanish, and if you don't want to see someone anymore, you just stop looking them up. It seemed quite impossible to bump into people randomly back in Malaysia, like you had to make the effort to even keep someone in your life. Over here you just cannot escape people, everyone seems to know everyone else.
Speaking of which, there are some people I'd love to say hi to again. If they wanted to say hi back to me. ):
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Orangine on Flickr by Dora༺CuencaEver seeking for God, something, someone, to refresh and excite me about life again.
I know, SLEEP! The ultimate cure for all ailments.
I know, SLEEP! The ultimate cure for all ailments.
Ship That Never Sinks
SUNSETS ARE ..ALWAYS PARADISE ( EXPLORED : MAY 19TH, 2010. # 145 )
on Flickr by PRAVEEN VENUGOPAL
I used to adore Barney & Friends. Till now I have some of their songs memorized to the last lyric. One of them is the Friendship Song.
Friends are special so important they make the world go 'round
We like helping one another, in school or on the playground
Friends are there to help each other when one is feeling sad
Being friends is very special, be a friend and you'll be glad
Being friends is very special, be a friend and you'll be glad
People seem to regard friendship as disposable nowadays. And I guess it is. How many people are more than proximity friends? Most close friends survive because the people have been around each other long enough that it's safe and secure to fall back on the same group. To feel included, like you have your homeboys to back you up. After all, nobody likes striking out on their own.
Friday, May 21, 2010
It's obviously pathetic to everyone how much I invest in certain things. But all my life, I've thought of things in relational terms, never bothered about what I'd be in the future, how much money I'd make or what achievements I'd get in life. Sure, it feels good to excel and be in the spotlight, but I always envisioned myself being truly happy when surrounded by loved ones, and all kinds of love.
So I feel this pang at throwing all form of connection away. That there's no alternative or in between, only black or white. Why can't I have grey? Because it's just going to drag me down, that's why. Thank you for yelling out the answer, class. Which brings me back to the pang. Of pretending that our 2 planets never collided in orbit in the first place.
Excuse me, do I know you?
So I feel this pang at throwing all form of connection away. That there's no alternative or in between, only black or white. Why can't I have grey? Because it's just going to drag me down, that's why. Thank you for yelling out the answer, class. Which brings me back to the pang. Of pretending that our 2 planets never collided in orbit in the first place.
Excuse me, do I know you?
Thursday, May 20, 2010
I'm sleeping less than 5 hours a day and of late reaching home after 11pm every night, but I still cannot give up the requisite internet time. Plus my E72 is failing me these days, can't log in to NUS Wifi, can't load Twitter, swallowed up my FB application icon, you good for nothing phone.
Despite all this, Weidi and I realize how happy we are, how dance really really makes our day. I look in the mirror and I see the exact same person from JC dancing days, albeit more wrinkly around the eyes, more back aches and hopefully better hair. But I cannot remember feeling more fulfilled in the longest time. Don't know if it's the dancing with friends, or my new theory of preferring performing to dance classes (because I have the time to master the steps since I'm not too quick at becoming expert at new moves), but I finally feel like I'm doing things for me, and the emptiness is fading. (Although let's not speak too soon, eh?)
So this is what it feels like on the other side. I'd forgotten what it feels like to be free of mental and emotional burdens. Feels good. :)
Oh yes, forgot. Thank you God for keeping me in touch with dance even when I hated it, because it's moments like this that fill the void in my life.
-----
I just can't get sick of No Air!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Random LOL
theale says:
oops *idlyic? shit how to spell already
[14:59] says:
idyllic
theale says:
idllyic
idyllic
oh yes
hahaha
[14:59] says:
confussingg rite
theale says:
lol yes
seldom use the word
[14:59] says:
missi mississipi
theale says:
omg that was hilariou
EVERYONE i told it to
laughed lke mad
even on line
unless they're fake laughers online
though i personally think that's very dishonest
u must type ur laughter just as u really laugh
[14:59] says:
it gets irritating yknow
my friend's girlfriend uses
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
all the time
are you shouting or laughing?
it makes me wonder if everything's really that hilarious
theale says:
yeah lots of ppl do that
i truly believe u can only do it if ur really really laughing
like for me 'HAHAHAHAHHAA' indicate i'm really laughing till my stomach hurts
like i'm falling off the table, clutching my tummy
[14:59] says:
actually LOL should be for those instances rite
but LOL has no impact
LAUGHING OUT LOUD
theale says:
yeah
lol is now like a chuckle
like literally 'lol' pronounced out loud
[14:59] says:
it's so complicated
i'll stick one-size-fits-all hah
theale says:
hah's like. HAH SERVES U RIGHT
[14:59] says:
:/
once again
there's no pleasing everybody
hurhur's bad though
i don't like hurhur
it sounds patronizing
[14:59] says:
ultimate convo killer
theale says:
lol
(oh i chuckled btw)
[14:59] says:
yea
do that
always include an elaboration
theale says:
hurhur is sarcasm from me
[14:59] says:
haha (sniggered for 5sec)
theale says:
like hur hur not funny
hhahah (sniggered for 5 secs)
[14:59] says:
shite it's like keying in exact
theale says:
hahahaha
[14:59] says:
LOL (laughed loudly between 1154-1155)
oops *idlyic? shit how to spell already
[14:59] says:
idyllic
theale says:
idllyic
idyllic
oh yes
hahaha
[14:59] says:
confussingg rite
theale says:
lol yes
seldom use the word
[14:59] says:
missi mississipi
theale says:
omg that was hilariou
EVERYONE i told it to
laughed lke mad
even on line
unless they're fake laughers online
though i personally think that's very dishonest
u must type ur laughter just as u really laugh
[14:59] says:
it gets irritating yknow
my friend's girlfriend uses
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
all the time
are you shouting or laughing?
it makes me wonder if everything's really that hilarious
theale says:
yeah lots of ppl do that
i truly believe u can only do it if ur really really laughing
like for me 'HAHAHAHAHHAA' indicate i'm really laughing till my stomach hurts
like i'm falling off the table, clutching my tummy
[14:59] says:
actually LOL should be for those instances rite
but LOL has no impact
LAUGHING OUT LOUD
theale says:
yeah
lol is now like a chuckle
like literally 'lol' pronounced out loud
[14:59] says:
it's so complicated
i'll stick one-size-fits-all hah
theale says:
hah's like. HAH SERVES U RIGHT
[14:59] says:
:/
once again
there's no pleasing everybody
hurhur's bad though
i don't like hurhur
it sounds patronizing
[14:59] says:
ultimate convo killer
theale says:
lol
(oh i chuckled btw)
[14:59] says:
yea
do that
always include an elaboration
theale says:
hurhur is sarcasm from me
[14:59] says:
haha (sniggered for 5sec)
theale says:
like hur hur not funny
hhahah (sniggered for 5 secs)
[14:59] says:
shite it's like keying in exact
theale says:
hahahaha
[14:59] says:
LOL (laughed loudly between 1154-1155)
This is fun. When life's too busy for thoughts and the second you shut your eyes, you fall asleep. And I don't just mean at night when it's bedtime.
I suddenly feel kinda sad that aging is the price we have to pay for things to change and new beginnings to happen. That as quickly as I want the 2 years to pass so I can start life afresh, I'll also be losing those 2 years to mindlessness in the urge to get them behind me. Just as how that year was so memorable and precious to me, that it seemed to stretch into eternity, but was actually so short. And till today, I remember every single moment.
I suddenly feel kinda sad that aging is the price we have to pay for things to change and new beginnings to happen. That as quickly as I want the 2 years to pass so I can start life afresh, I'll also be losing those 2 years to mindlessness in the urge to get them behind me. Just as how that year was so memorable and precious to me, that it seemed to stretch into eternity, but was actually so short. And till today, I remember every single moment.
The place was filled with young people like him, not-quite-kids with tattoos and pierced noses, tongues, lips, ear cartilage, and (yes) chins, hair of blue and green and nickel gray and magenta that stuck up with faux messiness. They were soon-to-be graduate students at the nearby university, or philosophically inclined slackers, artists, aspiring "filmmakers", living off their parents till they figured out a bearable way to make a living or invented some iPod facsimile and set themselves up for life. ... These were people waiting for their lives to begin, people who, for all their manifestations of depression and grunge and loneliness, were secretly full of optimism and promise and the blazing, glorious arrogance of youth. Their mistakes didn't count, because their Real Lives hadn't yet begun. Things could change for them in an instant.
Sweet Ruin, Cathi Hanauer
Isn't that the way most of us are living? I know that's how I'm living. Waiting for that grand moment where I'll feel like I've finally arrived and never want to leave.
Monday, May 17, 2010
FINALLY finished reading Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov.As a book about a paedophile, it did creep me out a bit. But after the scintillating beginning was over, where he tried to seduce the girl, the rest was pretty tragic. It's probably meant to be morbid or ironic humour, hilarity at the unlikelihood of how his story turned out. But all I felt was his desperation, and the meaninglessness of his obsessions. Poor guy. Glad that book's over.
And I forgot I have half a chapter left of The Unbearable Lightness Of Being. That one is truly a masterpiece in philosophy. The other masterpiece in philosophy has to be Sophie's World.
After which I shall proceed to - Huh? That's all I bought the last time?
Yay, Mom's here on business trip! Little piece of home has brought itself to me (:
Just rode in a cab driven by a lady driver for the first time. She seemed like someone highly educated who's down on her luck, just like another cabbie I met once, resorting to this way of earning an income. There was no denying she hasn't been doing this for long by the number of times she adjusted her hair and looked at her reflection in the rear view mirror. Something I do all the time at the traffic lights. And she got honked many a time, for daydreaming when the light turned green, and for straddling two lanes.
Yet you could tell she was just someone friendly and smiley who's probably sick of the lemons life has given to her. Which heartened me to see her face light up when I told her to keep the change. I was coincidentally reminded of tipping from yesterday's sermon by Mrs Wee (where I clearly picked up something applicable, although I was blatantly sleeping throughout most of it, oops).
-----
I think... I have very annoying and imposing opinions. And when I want things to be perfect, I start forcing my ideals on people. I never do it on people who don't matter to me. So it's highly imbalanced. I accept everybody in the world as they are, except for the one or two people who I really actually can't do without. And that pushes them away.
Just rode in a cab driven by a lady driver for the first time. She seemed like someone highly educated who's down on her luck, just like another cabbie I met once, resorting to this way of earning an income. There was no denying she hasn't been doing this for long by the number of times she adjusted her hair and looked at her reflection in the rear view mirror. Something I do all the time at the traffic lights. And she got honked many a time, for daydreaming when the light turned green, and for straddling two lanes.
Yet you could tell she was just someone friendly and smiley who's probably sick of the lemons life has given to her. Which heartened me to see her face light up when I told her to keep the change. I was coincidentally reminded of tipping from yesterday's sermon by Mrs Wee (where I clearly picked up something applicable, although I was blatantly sleeping throughout most of it, oops).
-----
I think... I have very annoying and imposing opinions. And when I want things to be perfect, I start forcing my ideals on people. I never do it on people who don't matter to me. So it's highly imbalanced. I accept everybody in the world as they are, except for the one or two people who I really actually can't do without. And that pushes them away.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
I used to be chill. Seldom felt hurt, seldom got my feathers ruffled, seldom got provoked to anger. In just a year or two, I've turned into this super sensitive, super prickly little hedgehog. I'm now one of those people I used to scoff at, 'Goodness, why get so angry over such a small thing?' I'm now one of them! Oh the horrors!
And I don't really believe in love anymore. Other than love is an action. I think there's just attraction, and then you've to work to keep that strong. Work to keep whatever comfort and history and closeness you have strong. Because feelings and excitement always fade, sooner or later. 99% of the time it fades on just one side, and then all hell breaks loose.
-----
I feel like watching Center Stage again! And drooling over hot ballet guys. Swoon. Boy, does it feel good that it's a Saturday and all I have to do is watch TV, choreograph dance and eat Indo Mee Goreng. :D:D:D
And I don't really believe in love anymore. Other than love is an action. I think there's just attraction, and then you've to work to keep that strong. Work to keep whatever comfort and history and closeness you have strong. Because feelings and excitement always fade, sooner or later. 99% of the time it fades on just one side, and then all hell breaks loose.
-----
I feel like watching Center Stage again! And drooling over hot ballet guys. Swoon. Boy, does it feel good that it's a Saturday and all I have to do is watch TV, choreograph dance and eat Indo Mee Goreng. :D:D:D
Friday, May 14, 2010
The song for the first dance at my wedding will be Drop In The Ocean by Ron Pope. And the second song will be Falling For You by Colbie Caillat. And while the second song is playing, the sun will be setting at the beach gazebo and I'll be twirling around in my wedding gown.
Sigh.
Now all I need is a husband.
Sigh.
Now all I need is a husband.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I've decided that after the first time, it's not scary at all to give people injections but no matter how many times I've taken one, it still makes me nervous to receive a jab. See, like right now, my whole body aches from dance but the little ache from the IDN block in the corner of my right jaw is freaking me out so much. I dare not open my mouth more than necessary to fit my spoon in because the ache feels so much like an injury.
Lunch after OS today was really interesting. As the last injectee, I think I was the numbest yet I was the only one who forgot to buy soup for lunch. It was a really silent affair, everyone concentrating on not accidentally chewing on their own cheeks and tongue. Totally tasteless and I felt like a toothless granny, smashing my food with my tongue against my palate and swallowing the mulch down rice grain by rice grain. When food accidentally goes into the right sensation-less side of the mouth, there's no way to retrieve it or clean the area, at least not without great muscular effort from the other side. So the rice grains just get stuck there, collecting like a hamster's pouch.
All in all, I can't wait to do it again.
Not.
Lunch after OS today was really interesting. As the last injectee, I think I was the numbest yet I was the only one who forgot to buy soup for lunch. It was a really silent affair, everyone concentrating on not accidentally chewing on their own cheeks and tongue. Totally tasteless and I felt like a toothless granny, smashing my food with my tongue against my palate and swallowing the mulch down rice grain by rice grain. When food accidentally goes into the right sensation-less side of the mouth, there's no way to retrieve it or clean the area, at least not without great muscular effort from the other side. So the rice grains just get stuck there, collecting like a hamster's pouch.
All in all, I can't wait to do it again.
Not.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Rubber Ducky
I feel somewhat like a pampered kid. All I do is open my mouth, ask in a sing-song whiny voice for a favour and hope it gets done for me. Which is why I would like to have a car so I can at least do the one thing for myself.
In a way I resent having to ask people for help now, because I resent being dependent on others. But in reality, it is a difficult habit to kick. It's so easy to just say yes when someone offers their help, and so easy to just take advantage of someone's helpful nature.
-----
I feel kinda torn nowadays. Between this freedom and calm in me, and this stupid sentimentality. But it's okay, because I'm going to persevere in doing what I should have done years and years ago before this repetitive cycle of my life started. I'm going to have faith and wait. And not make rash decisions, because what will be will be. What won't be will never be. And if it must be known, there's no hatred in me, it's just an internal struggle to forgive and forget and to reconcile with the past.
-----
Yay, now that Athalie has passed her driving test on the first try, we can both use the P Plate and DRIVE!
This is the first time this year I'm staying up to study :( It's so hard. I've only just started, which I totally regret now. As usual.
I've been analyzing, and I think I look better sideways. Like when I tilt my head sideways and look at a photo of me, I think, Hey, that looks not bad! Then I turn right side up and it's, Oh, not really.
Twitter's so laggy lately. The posts never appear on my blog page. Boooohhhring.
I've been analyzing, and I think I look better sideways. Like when I tilt my head sideways and look at a photo of me, I think, Hey, that looks not bad! Then I turn right side up and it's, Oh, not really.
Twitter's so laggy lately. The posts never appear on my blog page. Boooohhhring.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Mother's Day
On Flickr by une**
It's Mother's Day today, and I want to give a shout out to all the mother figures in my life, none of which I could do without.
To Mom, you're my solid rock and my safe harbour. You are my number one supporter and the source of my encouragement. You are the only person whose ears I cannot exhaust with my pain and you share in my every joy and sorrow. You accept me for everything I am and there is no greater comfort than knowing that you are there for me whenever I fall. I cannot imagine surviving life without you.
To Mama, thank you for tirelessly caring for the family everyday. For being quirky and cute and always so proud of all your kids and grandkids. For loving us and being contented with the family you've created and moulded.
To Lian-ee, moral compass of the family, role model of the powerful woman. You give tough love but it is a love we all need, an example of a righteous life we can all aspire to lead and attain happiness. Plus YOU are YOU and nobody can replace your little eccentricities.
To Sa-ee, for being strong in your own way. The aunt who's closest generationally to us kids, bridging the gap between the kids and adults. For always showing interest in us, having fun with us and keeping the family ties alive. For your enthusiasm to do different things which brings a different aspect to family life.
I love you all so much!
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Awww, Jene's post on the dog quotes is so cute!
I'd never have thought of doing it, but my uncle just Google-d my first name and boy, are there a lot of funny things popping up. I'm a little too lazy to cite the sources, so shhhh.
All the Alethea images are either super old women or little kids.
I'm so unpopular, I can't even make the top 1000.
At least I'm famous in El Paso.
Not too shabby, though the chocolates look like *ahem*.
Somebody loves me!
I've yet to come across another person with my name face to face. It would be quite disconcerting.
All the Alethea images are either super old women or little kids.
I'm so unpopular, I can't even make the top 1000.
At least I'm famous in El Paso.
Not too shabby, though the chocolates look like *ahem*.
Somebody loves me!
Oops, I forgot to announce to the world that I can officially drive in Singapore as of yesterday! Yay! Almost got an opportunity to drive Daniel's car home but he ended up not drinking and I was deprived of an exciting first night. :(
I actually feel a lot better that the significant people I speak very often to know the truth. People whom I trust and do not make me feel like I'm just viciously trying to make someone look bad by telling them.
I actually feel a lot better that the significant people I speak very often to know the truth. People whom I trust and do not make me feel like I'm just viciously trying to make someone look bad by telling them.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
We Don't Have To Walk This Way
I reiterate. It is very refreshing to meet up with new or distant people. Just like today meeting up with someone I've known from childhood but only now can speak to properly as an adult.
New people expose you to different lives you might have led and different choices you can make. Shakes you out of your sleepy stupor and makes you think about so many other ways you can go about doing things.
It's making me feel like traveling and doing more artsy stuff. To get out of this tiny dot of an island every chance I can. The island where you just cannot help bumping into people you don't want to meet.
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A huge shout out to Papa who's been driving me everywhere without any complaints for ages. I really really really appreciate when someone makes my life more convenient for me, because I hate public transport.
Friday, May 7, 2010
♪ ♫ Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, Big Bad Wolf, Big Bad Wolf,
Who's afraid of the Big Bad Wolf, na-na-na-na-na ♪ ♫
'Let me in, Let me in, little pig or I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!' said the Big Bad Wolf.
'Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin, ' said the little pig.
I suddenly thought of that because my chin hurts now. And it was just one infiltration by my labbie the experienced IV needle pro medic.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Nearly halfway there! The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is coming closer. I've got to cram as much fun as I can in 3 weeks - beach holidays, family fun and just plain old sleeping.
Tonight was my first time staying till lab closing time. It's a very strange and lonely feeling to be the last one to leave, not that I was. But I have a vivid imagination, as proven time and time again. Dinner was fun, though, some people are just so much easier to hang out with than others. I'm really not used to having antagonistic feelings towards people when all of my relationships thrive on peace and tolerance. I don't think it's doing my health any good.
I've been bumping into my friendly block neighbour a few times now, at pleasantly unexpected places. He's got the radio announcer voice I like. Have I mentioned I like surprises and (NICE) coincidences? Because I do. I love those, 'Omg, didn't expect to see you here!' kind of things. So it was another friendly chat ride home on the bus, with me talking a mile a minute again.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Mind over matter, mind over matter! I am going to be The Incredible Hulk once all this is over. Check me out then.
Tonight was my first time staying till lab closing time. It's a very strange and lonely feeling to be the last one to leave, not that I was. But I have a vivid imagination, as proven time and time again. Dinner was fun, though, some people are just so much easier to hang out with than others. I'm really not used to having antagonistic feelings towards people when all of my relationships thrive on peace and tolerance. I don't think it's doing my health any good.
I've been bumping into my friendly block neighbour a few times now, at pleasantly unexpected places. He's got the radio announcer voice I like. Have I mentioned I like surprises and (NICE) coincidences? Because I do. I love those, 'Omg, didn't expect to see you here!' kind of things. So it was another friendly chat ride home on the bus, with me talking a mile a minute again.
What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Mind over matter, mind over matter! I am going to be The Incredible Hulk once all this is over. Check me out then.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
The Body Clock Is Real
There is a very very very strange incident happening. It's happened before, it's happening again. In fact, it happens pretty much every time I have a morning routine.
This is the time my alarm is set.
And this is the time my body clock wakes me up everyday.
Every morning, I get up and immediately think, Oh no, please, not again. I look at my clock and damn it, it's happened again!
The rare days when I wake up and it says a different (earlier) number, I actually exclaim, 'YES!' in a loud whisper in bed. And pump my fist. Because it means it's not time to get up yet. And boy do small things make me happy.
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What I miss most is the sense of magic in the air. That anticipation of something exciting about to happen, the thrill of being close to the one person who occupies your every thought.
And this is the time my body clock wakes me up everyday.
Every morning, I get up and immediately think, Oh no, please, not again. I look at my clock and damn it, it's happened again!
The rare days when I wake up and it says a different (earlier) number, I actually exclaim, 'YES!' in a loud whisper in bed. And pump my fist. Because it means it's not time to get up yet. And boy do small things make me happy.
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What I miss most is the sense of magic in the air. That anticipation of something exciting about to happen, the thrill of being close to the one person who occupies your every thought.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
everyone would blossom... on Flickr by {life through the lens}
Staring at the clock
Waiting for life to take flight
An out is what I need
For now endurance is my plight
2 YEARS. 24 MONTHS. Now would be a good time for the days to fly by. I wouldn't even mind turning 24 right now, if it meant leaving school and everything related behind. I cannot do this without a change of environment.
Yes, I can! Yes, I can!
In the mean time, it's really awesome to dance again, back to the same reflection of the old FOD windows. I like how life can be cyclical, how patterns repeat again and again but in different places and different times. Yet there's always a sense of familiarity, of this happening before, deja vu.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Simplicity on Flickr by BalakovThat's because I have a huge headache from all the hair tossing, trying to come up with semi-original dance moves. And I'm doing it in a tiny study room with the reflection from my cabinets, reaching up to my chest. Beats someone I know who choreographs in his little ship cabin. PUKE. The last time I was on a junk boat, I threw up 4 times. Last time was throwing up the Mentos I'd eaten 5 seconds prior, to clear my breath.
I like being busy. Busy busy is good. It's almost like the simple life of a kid again. Whee. Almost.
The Golden Stare
Reminds me of when I went to Underwater World. And saw 2 giant lobsters tearing each other apart. Lobster flesh was spewing (in slow motion) into the water.
And I just adore the conveyor belt. Ominous warning to the sea creatures eventually being served on conveyor belts in sushi bars.
And I just adore the conveyor belt. Ominous warning to the sea creatures eventually being served on conveyor belts in sushi bars.
Gravity
Cannot get enough of Sara Bareilles' Gravity. Drowning in it.
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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NIV)
I see now how selfish and consumed I was by my own needs. I may be justified, but I should have seen through it to want the best for you and to want your happiness. You were right, that I didn't seem to impact your life in anyway. Guess I never brought out the best in either of us. But everyday is a lesson in retrospect.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
To Have a Kiss From a Rainbow on Flickr by {{tinkα's fαiяytαlє}}Life's quite amusing going out at night with the family. Seeing the sights and behaving like a tourist. Trying to drive onto the Helix. Which is for pedestrians.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
When we went to Germany, my (immediate) family bought a cuckoo clock and my relatives (my S'pore family) bought a cuckoo clock. The parents of the 2 families were very competitive (i.e. sister vs sister) over whose cuckoo clock was the better deal. My family's was cheaper, a fact they were pleased of because they decided to take a longer stroll to a less popular cuckoo clock shop. My aunt and uncle's has more tiny trinkets to its design, something they are proud of and that my dad tries to convince himself he doesn't like.
He does this by saying, 'Hm, actually quite nice ah, got all the little designs. Ours is like the simple kind. But ours is different la, hor?' Then I tell him, ours looks way more elegant. And he says, 'Really? Yeah, hm, actually better right like this. The craftsmanship actually quite good.'
Anyhoo. The final win (as decided by me, the special patron of both homes) is awarded to my family's clock. Ours, as smartly decided, is wound once a week, while theirs is wound once a day. As of right now, family clock shows the time accurately, after careful experimentation of changing the speed of the pendulum by my obsessive Dad for a few months. Relative cuckoo clock has died. Again. At 6 o' clock. And it's now 1:o6pm.
Accuracy of time is surely the deciding factor in this championship.
He does this by saying, 'Hm, actually quite nice ah, got all the little designs. Ours is like the simple kind. But ours is different la, hor?' Then I tell him, ours looks way more elegant. And he says, 'Really? Yeah, hm, actually better right like this. The craftsmanship actually quite good.'
Anyhoo. The final win (as decided by me, the special patron of both homes) is awarded to my family's clock. Ours, as smartly decided, is wound once a week, while theirs is wound once a day. As of right now, family clock shows the time accurately, after careful experimentation of changing the speed of the pendulum by my obsessive Dad for a few months. Relative cuckoo clock has died. Again. At 6 o' clock. And it's now 1:o6pm.
Accuracy of time is surely the deciding factor in this championship.
All that jazz!Probably one of the most high energy and comic musicals I've ever seen. And judging by how I managed to stay awake and riveted despite my exhaustion, it must really be captivating. It was one of the rare shows with so much cast, band and audience banter/interplay. It made it feel so spontaneous and fun.
When I wake up, I'll draw something jazzy to commemorate my Chicago outing. After tonight, I've renewed my ambition to be artsy again and try to catch a musical once a year like I used to. But only the good stuff. Cos' I'm not a true patron of the arts, just a wannabe bestseller enthusiast.
And how silly, all that time agonizing over how to fool the Esplanade people that we're 18 and below. All the effort changing clothes to look younger. I look so aged anyway. And nobody checks. So it's time to make full use of our student rights to $53 tickets and catch all the shows we can in the remaining 2 years.
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