Ever notice how carefully we tread around the feelings of our friends but put no thought into our interactions with our family?
I remember being a mid-teen, yelling a lot at my mother, lying to her and feeling like she'd never understand my situation. Good thing for us, I got over that phase pretty quickly, and reverted to being docile and patient. With Dad it was way worse, he just couldn't stop rubbing everyone of us the wrong way with his horrid temper and thoughtless words. Sometimes nobody even listens to each other, because we're too busy yelling our opinions into each other's faces.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped arguing. I can't remember the last time that I didn't agree with my parents' point of view or sympathized with their situation. It's become this automatic thing for me to put myself in their shoes. I'll feel annoyed at housework but at the thought of mom coming home and having to do it, I suddenly get energized enough to get it done. I'll think about her huffing and puffing cooking our meals.
I notice every time Dad does the nicest gestures like spending time planning my driving route, filling our cars' petrol, housework, facing mom's car the other way so she can leave easily in the morning, etc. That's the best thing about him, he does what needs to be done without complaints (most of the time). Makes me wake up to the fact that a dependable man is way better than a romantic, insipid boy.
Granted, our family's FAR from perfect. That's just the great parts of their personality, I'm not going into the annoying bits. Sometimes their every sentence just gets on my nerve but eventually I'll realize I was being an idiot, because I thought I knew it all.
It's a great thing to notice the good in what people do. I just found it funny that it's so automatic with my parents but not always with other people. I'm guessing that's pretty much the reverse of normal behaviour.
I find myself dismissing people in my life so easily. I don't bother to look deeper. I don't empathize or try to discover their intentions behind their actions. I take people for granted. It feels a little like I'm just playing a part. I hope it's not as bad as to call it faking it, but yeah, I do feel like I'm not always connecting with a person. I'm just putting on a show because I know it's the best thing to do, the way social graces are ingrained in you.
Maybe it's because we don't have the time or energy to connect with everyone in our lives. That's why we hang on so tightly to the rare few we've managed to open up to. Everyone else is just a distraction, a forgettable part of the day, before we go back to the real people in our lives - family, old friends.
Yet human capacity for building new relationships never ceases. I know that even when I've intentionally shut myself from the world, all I have to do is smile and reach out and someone will eventually reach back.
I remember being a mid-teen, yelling a lot at my mother, lying to her and feeling like she'd never understand my situation. Good thing for us, I got over that phase pretty quickly, and reverted to being docile and patient. With Dad it was way worse, he just couldn't stop rubbing everyone of us the wrong way with his horrid temper and thoughtless words. Sometimes nobody even listens to each other, because we're too busy yelling our opinions into each other's faces.
Somewhere along the way, I stopped arguing. I can't remember the last time that I didn't agree with my parents' point of view or sympathized with their situation. It's become this automatic thing for me to put myself in their shoes. I'll feel annoyed at housework but at the thought of mom coming home and having to do it, I suddenly get energized enough to get it done. I'll think about her huffing and puffing cooking our meals.
I notice every time Dad does the nicest gestures like spending time planning my driving route, filling our cars' petrol, housework, facing mom's car the other way so she can leave easily in the morning, etc. That's the best thing about him, he does what needs to be done without complaints (most of the time). Makes me wake up to the fact that a dependable man is way better than a romantic, insipid boy.
Granted, our family's FAR from perfect. That's just the great parts of their personality, I'm not going into the annoying bits. Sometimes their every sentence just gets on my nerve but eventually I'll realize I was being an idiot, because I thought I knew it all.
It's a great thing to notice the good in what people do. I just found it funny that it's so automatic with my parents but not always with other people. I'm guessing that's pretty much the reverse of normal behaviour.
I find myself dismissing people in my life so easily. I don't bother to look deeper. I don't empathize or try to discover their intentions behind their actions. I take people for granted. It feels a little like I'm just playing a part. I hope it's not as bad as to call it faking it, but yeah, I do feel like I'm not always connecting with a person. I'm just putting on a show because I know it's the best thing to do, the way social graces are ingrained in you.
Maybe it's because we don't have the time or energy to connect with everyone in our lives. That's why we hang on so tightly to the rare few we've managed to open up to. Everyone else is just a distraction, a forgettable part of the day, before we go back to the real people in our lives - family, old friends.
Yet human capacity for building new relationships never ceases. I know that even when I've intentionally shut myself from the world, all I have to do is smile and reach out and someone will eventually reach back.
2 comments:
"Makes me wake up to the fact that a dependable man is way better than a romantic, insipid boy."
-agree, to the fullest extent! much better than a rollercoaster ride of emotions :)
haha! we are birds of a feather
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