I hate moments like now when I've been waiting hours to watch OTH5 but I can't because Ade's so slow doing her work on the PC, and I feel so mad having to compromise on beauty sleep (especially when I badly need that beauty right now) since I'm so tired from a whole day out and no napping.
ANYWAY.
Updates.
Watched Made of Honour on Saturday, which was nice for me (but no, nobody else should watch it, at least not anybody I know since nobody I know is a romantic comedy fan). And I swear, I bumped into Mr Menon and his wife, but I didn't do anything. I found myself staring into his face as we passed each other in One Utama, but I was so shocked and confused I just couldn't remember his name until he'd walked past. At first, I was wondering why my sisters didn't react until I realized Mr Menon is NOT from my Malaysian school! Too late. Can someone like confirm it's him for me, maybe quiz him a little on his whereabouts? In case I'm just insane, or he has a twin living here.
POS practice today after church. I'm feeling pretty sad for Aggie that now she's going to church and all, if I go to Singapore, I don't want her to end up alone and unmotivated to keep it up. I feel so sad for her being alone going for POS practice, waiting for it to start, so hopefully she makes good friends with my partner, Steven. =P
Speaking of which, we practised stunts today. Though I may not be able to take part in the competition, at least I have more confidence that I can do a semi cartwheel and that I can do a bridge from the air! (This is a reminder to myself, in case I ever forget I can do it, that I actually CAN!) And we did the butt lift thingies, where one of the times seriously hurt, I think my partner caused a sprain in my nether regions. Not to mention the horrid abs and oblique ab aches from the sit-ups in hip hop. Hopefully I'll be able to get as much exercise if I go back THERE.
Hm. I can't begin to express how much I regret being unable to fulfill my commitments here. Especially leaving this church and cell group and POS. And Chinese class. And hip hop. Can't find the words to convey the depth of my disappointment.
Sunday, June 29, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Of Nothing In Particular
I have been having bouts of strange turbulent dreams once again. I can't remember the previous dreams because I always lose hold of their realness once I fall back asleep. But I recall vaguely that my dream the night before was about Shia Labeouf confessing his love to me or something, via a 3 page long SMS. Hmm. And another part of the dream had to do with stepping down into this rocky unstable moss infested penguin-exhibition-at-the-zoo thingy and I was so terrified.
Weird.
Before we slept last night, my sisters and I got to talking about horror movies. We decided that there's no need for horror movies to play any part in our lives because they certainly don't bring us any enjoyment. I can't remember the last time I watched a horror movie, certainly not in the last 5 years or so, and I've only watched a horror movie in the cinema, like, once.
Which brought us to talking about how horror books can be even scarier than horror movies. (I think I was trying to persuade Adelia to put in more reading time.) I suddenly recalled how I once bought Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I was so freaked out by his description of Dracula's creepy hands and appearance that I just couldn't get past the first chapter.
If I'm not mistaken, I brought it with me on holiday and accidentally on purpose left it in the hotel room. For good. In fact, I recall Sa-ee trying to freak me out, saying that the book may sail across the sea and one day appear in my clutches again. SO mean. I think I looked upon it as a somewhat haunted book.
-----
This should probably the highlight of my post but I just found out: THERE IS A VACANCY IN NUS FOR ME!
It's like a scene out of a movie, or deja vu, or the result of me imagining this moment a million times. And as I expected, I am very scared and very sad at the prospect of leaving so much happiness and comfort behind. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Weird.
Before we slept last night, my sisters and I got to talking about horror movies. We decided that there's no need for horror movies to play any part in our lives because they certainly don't bring us any enjoyment. I can't remember the last time I watched a horror movie, certainly not in the last 5 years or so, and I've only watched a horror movie in the cinema, like, once.
Which brought us to talking about how horror books can be even scarier than horror movies. (I think I was trying to persuade Adelia to put in more reading time.) I suddenly recalled how I once bought Bram Stoker's Dracula, and I was so freaked out by his description of Dracula's creepy hands and appearance that I just couldn't get past the first chapter.
If I'm not mistaken, I brought it with me on holiday and accidentally on purpose left it in the hotel room. For good. In fact, I recall Sa-ee trying to freak me out, saying that the book may sail across the sea and one day appear in my clutches again. SO mean. I think I looked upon it as a somewhat haunted book.
-----
This should probably the highlight of my post but I just found out: THERE IS A VACANCY IN NUS FOR ME!
It's like a scene out of a movie, or deja vu, or the result of me imagining this moment a million times. And as I expected, I am very scared and very sad at the prospect of leaving so much happiness and comfort behind. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Thoughts
Beach at night on Flickr © pmsmgomes I think it's true what they say about girls. Actually, I'm pretty sure it's just for me. Since I grew out of childhood, I no longer see things just as they are in the present. Some things yes, the things I find transient, that I know are going to end and I'm going to go home and forget about. Other things, I see them today and see them as they are going to be in the future, when I'm old, when life should settle.
I sit on the beach at night staring at the sky, and I wonder about all the future times I'm going to travel and how many more nights I will be free enough to just absorb the vastness of the world like that. I watch a movie with my family and I think about how one day I may be watching a movie all by myself. I see the most loving, playful, affectionate couple and I wonder if I can ever achieve or sustain something so fulfilling and magical like that. Especially, especially when I listen to slow touching or jazzy music, and most of all listen to it in a hotel lounge, I feel so so so far away and sad. Like a character in a movie who was too late in stopping his true love from marrying another guy.
Sometimes all I see is time, how long time is, how far the future is, how everything is driving towards this one unknown point. It's strange, because I'm not living in the now but in my imagination of the coming. Which is probably why my mind is never at rest.
It makes everything so much more poignant. Then again, it makes everything kinda depressing. After which, I'll just go to bed early to wake up and start it all over again.
-----
I've decided to throw my heart into everything I do: relationship, event, project, competition. Even when I don't feel like it. Because I want to be me, an identity by itself, and not me defined by the person I feel attached to, or my friends, or my family, or my job.
And I can't get enough of Mariah Carey's Always Be My Baby.
Oh, and I've finally begun the OTH5 journey! I can't believe Lucas is with some other woman. He's ALWAYS sleeping with someone.
-.-' How could he forget Peyton, his supposed true love? Or previously Brooke, for that matter.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
Kissing Dating Goodbye
I'm reading Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, lent to me by Ern Sheong.
I am truly terrified by what I read. Not because I disagree; on the contrary I agree very much. I'm scared because I feel overwhelmed, that the ideals that he's set are just impossible for me to meet. I feel helpless because it means throwing away so many things I've made a habit.
In the end however, I see no other way to do things right. So much of what he said speaks to me, and I'm only 1/3 way through. It's made me question my motives in relationships. And as hard as it will be, the only way I can know for sure I've made the right choice with the right motives is probably the way that's being stressed upon. Sigh.
Some lines that really struck me:
If you've given your heart or body away in previous short term relationships (regardless of how many), will you have anything left to give to your future spouse?
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. It means deciding to do what's best for others by never asking for intimacy that you cannot match with commitment. Often couples pursue intimacy for the sake of intimacy (be it emotional or physical). We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment. Unfortunately, deepening intimacy without defining the level of commitment only leads to pain.
Most often, dating isn't a pursuit of commitment, but begins with physical attraction. The couple doesn't look at each other as possible life partners or weigh the responsibilities of marriage but focus on the demands of the present, where the physical relationship easily becomes the focus.
Two people who date each other want to feel that they're special to each other, and they can concretely express this through physical intimacy. They begin to distinguish this special relationship through hand-holding, kissing, and everything else that follows.
Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows we'll carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. He doesn't want us to live with guilt and regret.
Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if you examine the focus of your dating relationships, you'll find all you have in common with your partner is lust.
Ouch.
I don't know if this means anything to you, but it sure does to me.
I am truly terrified by what I read. Not because I disagree; on the contrary I agree very much. I'm scared because I feel overwhelmed, that the ideals that he's set are just impossible for me to meet. I feel helpless because it means throwing away so many things I've made a habit.
In the end however, I see no other way to do things right. So much of what he said speaks to me, and I'm only 1/3 way through. It's made me question my motives in relationships. And as hard as it will be, the only way I can know for sure I've made the right choice with the right motives is probably the way that's being stressed upon. Sigh.
Some lines that really struck me:
If you've given your heart or body away in previous short term relationships (regardless of how many), will you have anything left to give to your future spouse?
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. It means deciding to do what's best for others by never asking for intimacy that you cannot match with commitment. Often couples pursue intimacy for the sake of intimacy (be it emotional or physical). We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment. Unfortunately, deepening intimacy without defining the level of commitment only leads to pain.
Most often, dating isn't a pursuit of commitment, but begins with physical attraction. The couple doesn't look at each other as possible life partners or weigh the responsibilities of marriage but focus on the demands of the present, where the physical relationship easily becomes the focus.
Two people who date each other want to feel that they're special to each other, and they can concretely express this through physical intimacy. They begin to distinguish this special relationship through hand-holding, kissing, and everything else that follows.
Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows we'll carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. He doesn't want us to live with guilt and regret.
Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if you examine the focus of your dating relationships, you'll find all you have in common with your partner is lust.
Ouch.
I don't know if this means anything to you, but it sure does to me.
Monday, June 23, 2008
Since young, I've said that my favourite flower is the sunflower. I liked its bright yellow 'sunnyness' and I think I wanted to be different.
But honestly, roses are gorgeous. As well as gerberas, and carnations. I just didn't want to be one of those sappy girls. But I'm actually turning out to be the sappiest of them all. =( Haha.
And now that I found this website, I love them all! Any flower would make my day.
The elegant iris represents faith, hope & wisdom.
The exotic orchid represents rare and delicate beauty.
Peruvian lilies (alstroemeria) mean friendship and devotion.
The most revered and celebrated rose. Definitive symbol of love and appreciation.
The graceful tulip means perfect love.
Sunflowers mean warmth and adoration, and are thought to be a sign of longevity.
Traditionally, Stargazer Lilies mean innocence and purity, but today they represent honour and aspiration.
The carnation is generally a symbol of love and fascination.
The gerbera daisy has become a choice for expressing cheerful sentiments but its tradtional meanings are beauty and innocence.
© Florapedia™
-----
By the way, I'm doing a community project for uni. It's a survey on oral piercing. I'd be immensely grateful to anyone who would follow this link and complete it for me. (I don't care if you're not Malaysian!) Thanks!
Click Here to take survey
But honestly, roses are gorgeous. As well as gerberas, and carnations. I just didn't want to be one of those sappy girls. But I'm actually turning out to be the sappiest of them all. =( Haha.
And now that I found this website, I love them all! Any flower would make my day.
The elegant iris represents faith, hope & wisdom.
The exotic orchid represents rare and delicate beauty.
Peruvian lilies (alstroemeria) mean friendship and devotion.
The most revered and celebrated rose. Definitive symbol of love and appreciation.
The graceful tulip means perfect love.
Sunflowers mean warmth and adoration, and are thought to be a sign of longevity.
Traditionally, Stargazer Lilies mean innocence and purity, but today they represent honour and aspiration.
The carnation is generally a symbol of love and fascination.
The gerbera daisy has become a choice for expressing cheerful sentiments but its tradtional meanings are beauty and innocence.
© Florapedia™
-----
By the way, I'm doing a community project for uni. It's a survey on oral piercing. I'd be immensely grateful to anyone who would follow this link and complete it for me. (I don't care if you're not Malaysian!) Thanks!
Click Here to take survey
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Hayley is finally clean again and I can pet her without the stench wafting into my nostrils. =) Mom and I took her for a walk, me to prove to Mom that she doesn't need a leash. Well, she doesn't, but it's actually quite stressful having to look back and see what's making her lag behind. Every five seconds you've to call, 'Hayley! C'mere!' and yet you kinda suspect she doesn't know her name.
She was good all the way til we reached the bottom of our row, and there were Malay kids playing in their porch. Suddenly she stopped and stared. And the kids were going, 'Anjingggg! Anjinggg!' I tried to pull her away but she broke free to face the kids again. I was so freaked, I thought she was running to them, so I spun around and ran. I ended up tripping over her, because she was still under my feet. Hayley, Hayley.
My dad got my mother to buy him black hairdye the other day. He's trying to cover up some of his gray hair. It's so hilarious, because now he's so scared that he'll have patches of black that are obvious. He's still walking around with his head full of dye. Aggie got some dye on his face, and now WE'RE scared he'll have black skin when he goes to work tomorrow. But we're not telling him that it MAY not come out, lol.
OMG. And now he's pissed, cos' he wore his new RM3000 Porsche spectacles while his hair dye was still on, and the black can't come off. Oh, phew. It's his old glasses, not the new. Or else, we'd be hearing about it all night.
She was good all the way til we reached the bottom of our row, and there were Malay kids playing in their porch. Suddenly she stopped and stared. And the kids were going, 'Anjingggg! Anjinggg!' I tried to pull her away but she broke free to face the kids again. I was so freaked, I thought she was running to them, so I spun around and ran. I ended up tripping over her, because she was still under my feet. Hayley, Hayley.
My dad got my mother to buy him black hairdye the other day. He's trying to cover up some of his gray hair. It's so hilarious, because now he's so scared that he'll have patches of black that are obvious. He's still walking around with his head full of dye. Aggie got some dye on his face, and now WE'RE scared he'll have black skin when he goes to work tomorrow. But we're not telling him that it MAY not come out, lol.
OMG. And now he's pissed, cos' he wore his new RM3000 Porsche spectacles while his hair dye was still on, and the black can't come off. Oh, phew. It's his old glasses, not the new. Or else, we'd be hearing about it all night.
Saturday, June 21, 2008
Awww. Time flew by so quickly. I'm missing everyone already. It's so much more fun when it's at my place then me going to Singapore. Hehe. Then again, the real reason that it's probably more fun is because it's a real holiday, with no work, no school, no responsibilities to bother us. Just freedom and being around each other 24/7 makes it way more enjoyable.
I'm also looking forward to the next holiday already. And though a small part of me feels the usual pessimism kicking in (reminding me that it won't be as easy or fun once we all have our courses and exams to focus on), I refuse to listen to it. I am suppressing it because all you need is some effort and the right attitude, and you can have fun doing anything.
YAY to a beach chalet holiday (staying up all night on the cool beach) or a hilltop holiday at Genting Themepark (and eerie nights in the hotel). Cannot wait!
And no POS practice tmr, hohoho. What joy (oops). Got to get started on the dance concert programme booklet. And keep in touch with my notes this holiday.
But boo. Now I've 4 weeks of lonely-hood. No wonder it's so fun studying or working when you're staying with friends. I so much prefer being surrounded by company than by my own thoughts.
Still deciding whether to attend the party at the club next Friday night. Never mind. I vow to make the best of the next semester. =)
I'm also looking forward to the next holiday already. And though a small part of me feels the usual pessimism kicking in (reminding me that it won't be as easy or fun once we all have our courses and exams to focus on), I refuse to listen to it. I am suppressing it because all you need is some effort and the right attitude, and you can have fun doing anything.
YAY to a beach chalet holiday (staying up all night on the cool beach) or a hilltop holiday at Genting Themepark (and eerie nights in the hotel). Cannot wait!
And no POS practice tmr, hohoho. What joy (oops). Got to get started on the dance concert programme booklet. And keep in touch with my notes this holiday.
But boo. Now I've 4 weeks of lonely-hood. No wonder it's so fun studying or working when you're staying with friends. I so much prefer being surrounded by company than by my own thoughts.
Still deciding whether to attend the party at the club next Friday night. Never mind. I vow to make the best of the next semester. =)
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Oh my. Sem 2 sounds mad. Foundation 2 Pathology, Microbiology and Parasites. Dental Science Teeth. Dental Practice. PBLs, AIR Topics, plus revision of Sem 1. Premi & I are already stressed and it's not even the end of Sem 1 yet, haha.
Still busy cramming loads of facts into my head. Plus trying to fit as many things as I can into this week because it happens to be the clashing of end of Sem 1 events, birthdays and the trip down. I'll try and make it up to the Dental folks some other time, and I'm still figuring how to squeeze in cell group and studying tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of a 'On a lighter note' but can't really right now. Will just wait until Friday then.
Am I justified in my feelings? Or is it just me being too uptight, as I've been slowly becoming in life.
I am just so damn annoyed that I can't cut it out of my life like it's been so easily done to me. Like how everything still affects me so much unless I chant some mantra and calm myself down. When will the agony END?
Still busy cramming loads of facts into my head. Plus trying to fit as many things as I can into this week because it happens to be the clashing of end of Sem 1 events, birthdays and the trip down. I'll try and make it up to the Dental folks some other time, and I'm still figuring how to squeeze in cell group and studying tomorrow.
I'm trying to think of a 'On a lighter note' but can't really right now. Will just wait until Friday then.
Am I justified in my feelings? Or is it just me being too uptight, as I've been slowly becoming in life.
I am just so damn annoyed that I can't cut it out of my life like it's been so easily done to me. Like how everything still affects me so much unless I chant some mantra and calm myself down. When will the agony END?
Monday, June 16, 2008
Couples popping up like mushrooms. Surprising ones at that, haha.
I just can't bring myself to. Picky or what, I don't know. I just know that the thought makes my stomach churn and I feel like throwing up.
And it's uncomfortable when people try too hard. Then again, I wish some other people would try harder, so who knows.
I'm too easily deceived by appearances. Like how I get jealous of how picture perfect it looks. Maybe it is. Either way, what difference will it make to me? So stop envying.
-----
I'm so tired lately. My period pains were so sudden and so bad, they woke me up from my nap. I was hyperventilating so much I thought I would vomit. Kind Dad quickly got me Panadol and now it's okay.
I just can't bring myself to. Picky or what, I don't know. I just know that the thought makes my stomach churn and I feel like throwing up.
And it's uncomfortable when people try too hard. Then again, I wish some other people would try harder, so who knows.
I'm too easily deceived by appearances. Like how I get jealous of how picture perfect it looks. Maybe it is. Either way, what difference will it make to me? So stop envying.
-----
I'm so tired lately. My period pains were so sudden and so bad, they woke me up from my nap. I was hyperventilating so much I thought I would vomit. Kind Dad quickly got me Panadol and now it's okay.
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Teeny Weeny Toddlers
Kids are so fascinating. Just got back from Alexis' 1 month old celebration (my cousin Jun's newborn) and it was quite an experience. First of all, it was interesting to see how all the guests were young couples, either newly married, with young kids or on the verge of marriage. How strange to be at that stage one day, making jokes over what your kids say or do over beer (like I overheard the Dads doing). I asked Mom if she ever had lots of friends like that, and we guessed she probably didn't since she moved from Penang to KL to start a new life here before having me. Right now, most of her colleague friends are way younger as well.
Alexis' jelly cake. Yes, the bottle's made of jelly too.
Sorry. Why are kids fascinating? They say either the most inane or the most profound things. They're so funny they should star in their own sitcoms.
My other cousin's 2 sons, Dalton and Dave are both so mata sepet. Dalton is a mobster through and through. The big taiko kept threatening to kill anyone who offended him in any way, like the waiter who said 'Thank you' back instead of 'Welcome'. And he has his own fake cell phone which he offered, 'I'll give you a missed call!'
Then there was Rachel in the cheongsam and her brother Sam who looks so angmoh. Rachel was so cute. She was afraid of Patrick, the one eyed Pekingese, so when she found the cane, she kept asking me if she could 'pek pek' (whip) the dog. When her Mom said canes were to whack kids, she asked, 'But can ALSO 'pek pek' the dog, right? Both, right?' And she pooped in her Pampers in front of me while standing. -.-' Literally, she said, 'I'm 'poot poot-ing, wait.' So I said, 'Okay, tell me when you're finished.'
My family and I sat on the couch most of the time and we noticed one phenomenon. All kids gravitate towards the tissue box. They take out one tissue and then they pretend to blow their noses. Rachel kept giving me tissues for me to blow my nose as well, which I complied.
And there was this other child. He asked, 'Why does the dog have only one eye?' And my cousin Jun said, 'Oh, Patrick left his eye at home, he forgot to bring it.' The boy said, 'You've got to be kidding me!' Did I mention also that most of these kids speak like foreigners? They have this sing-song-y accented voice, like they came straight out of a kid's TV program.
My old Nokia 5310. =( I didn't know it came in so many colours.
Alexis' jelly cake. Yes, the bottle's made of jelly too.My other cousin's 2 sons, Dalton and Dave are both so mata sepet. Dalton is a mobster through and through. The big taiko kept threatening to kill anyone who offended him in any way, like the waiter who said 'Thank you' back instead of 'Welcome'. And he has his own fake cell phone which he offered, 'I'll give you a missed call!'
Then there was Rachel in the cheongsam and her brother Sam who looks so angmoh. Rachel was so cute. She was afraid of Patrick, the one eyed Pekingese, so when she found the cane, she kept asking me if she could 'pek pek' (whip) the dog. When her Mom said canes were to whack kids, she asked, 'But can ALSO 'pek pek' the dog, right? Both, right?' And she pooped in her Pampers in front of me while standing. -.-' Literally, she said, 'I'm 'poot poot-ing, wait.' So I said, 'Okay, tell me when you're finished.'
My family and I sat on the couch most of the time and we noticed one phenomenon. All kids gravitate towards the tissue box. They take out one tissue and then they pretend to blow their noses. Rachel kept giving me tissues for me to blow my nose as well, which I complied.
And there was this other child. He asked, 'Why does the dog have only one eye?' And my cousin Jun said, 'Oh, Patrick left his eye at home, he forgot to bring it.' The boy said, 'You've got to be kidding me!' Did I mention also that most of these kids speak like foreigners? They have this sing-song-y accented voice, like they came straight out of a kid's TV program.
While we were at the buffet dinner, we decided to ask Sa-ee, who was at 1U, to get Dad a new cell phone for Father's Day. Something user friendly, with a camera, no MP3, no unnecessary functions, big screen, nice keypad and nice looking enough to befit his 'status' (and to match his super ex Porsche glasses =P). Oh, and below Rm1000. So she got him the Nokia 5000. Which looks JUST LIKE MY OWN PHONE WHICH VANISHED! Sooooo sad, a daily reminder of my tragic loss. But without the Music Xpress. Sigh la sigh.
Nokia 5000. Some green version.
Nokia 5000. Some green version.
My old Nokia 5310. =( I didn't know it came in so many colours.
Dad's new one looks like the dark blue one.
When we present it to Dad tomorrow, we're pretty sure he'll try to give it to either Mom or me. Me, cos' I'm using a sorry excuse of a phone, Mom cos' she's using a sorrier excuse of a phone. (OK la, not that bad haha) But Mom and I have vowed not to accept. Though right now, I'm very tempted. But no, I won't. No. I won't.
Friday, June 13, 2008
Yikes. My weekends are going to be so packed, leaving me even less time to study. This is especially taking into consideration the extra time I need to get my engine started, focus all my willpower and mental focus to properly absorb what I read. The only good thing is hopefully the extreme exercise (yes, I want it to be extreme and exhausting) that I'll get from going for a walk/jog every Saturday morning, dance on Saturday afternoon and POS practice Sunday afternoon. I am so depressed that I'm only 20 and I've cottage cheese or orange peel, whichever you prefer, on my behind and thighs. You can tell yourself you don't care, but c'mon, you'd only be fooling yourself. DIMPLES. GROSS. =(
I suppose now that there's EURO going on, I can study with football commentating as background noise.
Sa-ee, Vinny and Jaydon are here for a couple of days, a stopover after their holiday in Genting. Aggie & I picked them up from One Utama where their bus dropped them. Which made me realized that there are buses that go to Genting from there, conveniently leaving at 8, 9, 10 and 10.30 am (and so on), with the latest bus coming back at 8.30 pm. I think a day package, including bus ride, skyride and outdoor theme park costs RM47. Genting is apparently cold too (yay!) cos' of the rain. And Sa-ee surprisingly found the theme parks entertaining enough, so I'm a little reassured. I'm always under the impression that it's all a horrible bore and nobody who goes up there feels they had a worth-it time.
I suppose now that there's EURO going on, I can study with football commentating as background noise.
Sa-ee, Vinny and Jaydon are here for a couple of days, a stopover after their holiday in Genting. Aggie & I picked them up from One Utama where their bus dropped them. Which made me realized that there are buses that go to Genting from there, conveniently leaving at 8, 9, 10 and 10.30 am (and so on), with the latest bus coming back at 8.30 pm. I think a day package, including bus ride, skyride and outdoor theme park costs RM47. Genting is apparently cold too (yay!) cos' of the rain. And Sa-ee surprisingly found the theme parks entertaining enough, so I'm a little reassured. I'm always under the impression that it's all a horrible bore and nobody who goes up there feels they had a worth-it time.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
I'm having a scheduling conflict.
Emerge KL is on, and I want to participate. It's good to finally do something different and meet new people. But the 1st audition clashes with dance class on Sundays, the exact time. It's not that I can't switch dance class to Saturday, it's just that now that I've got all my friends in class with me, it's so sad to be alone on Saturdays.
Besides I should be studying like hell this week for Summative 1 next Friday. I just found out that after our 3 week COP and 1 week break, Semester 2 is only going to be 8 weeks long! Which means the entire Foundation course ends by November, and if I don't keep studying I'm DOOMED by November. Cos' if you fail, you repeat or get kicked out. And each next exam is just another barrier to avoid getting kicked out.
Soon, everyone else will be starting uni too. And lives will continue to diverge from the first meeting point. Inevitable, but still sad nonetheless.
Emerge KL is on, and I want to participate. It's good to finally do something different and meet new people. But the 1st audition clashes with dance class on Sundays, the exact time. It's not that I can't switch dance class to Saturday, it's just that now that I've got all my friends in class with me, it's so sad to be alone on Saturdays.
Besides I should be studying like hell this week for Summative 1 next Friday. I just found out that after our 3 week COP and 1 week break, Semester 2 is only going to be 8 weeks long! Which means the entire Foundation course ends by November, and if I don't keep studying I'm DOOMED by November. Cos' if you fail, you repeat or get kicked out. And each next exam is just another barrier to avoid getting kicked out.
Soon, everyone else will be starting uni too. And lives will continue to diverge from the first meeting point. Inevitable, but still sad nonetheless.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
I have no more titles up my sleeves but since I've uploaded these images, I shall put the last batch of childhood pictures into a final post.
I'm starting to have an inkling of what people who lose their homes or get robbed must feel. Imagine having all your precious memories and photographs destroyed by flood, fire or just heartless people. That's why Adelia and I are pretty anxious to convert our one and only video casette of family videotapings (mostly done by me, during my 'camerawoman wannabe' age) into a VCD or something. But we don't know where to do it.
I was once a chipmunk.
No wonder people still ask if we're twins. Happened, like, yesterday.
Hanging with the boys. Who's the one on the right, JP?
At Genting Highlands, way back when it was still cold.
In our frontyard.
Ooohkay.
-----
There's really no need to complicate lives with questioning and trying to gauge where you stand in your relationships. Sometimes, you just establish a level of closeness and that's that. Don't hesitate to act on impulses, don't worry about being too forward, just ACT like the close friend you've decided you are. It's when you doubt yourself that others begin to doubt you too.
I hope all plans are a go! How terribly exciting if so. =D
Monday, June 9, 2008
My Super Cool Dad
Father's Day is coming up.
The only problem with my Dad is there's nothing to give him, because there's nothing he wants. Like c'mon, last year he asked for a pair of socks, because his old ones were getting hole-y.
He doesn't appreciate cards or sentimental trinkets, like most men. We can't afford gadgets. Once, he said he just wished for a hug everyday. (I think he was kidding.) I remember us joking about making a hugging machine. And the cake cutting thing is SO boring.
I wish I could come up with something really special (to him) because he's such a great Dad.
He's always so concerned about us. Just for example, when I park my car under the tree, it tends to get sandwiched between two other cars, one being our neighbour's. The first time it happened, he kept asking and asking if I was sure I could get out. In the end, he reparked it at an angle for me so I could leave in the morning.
The 2nd time, he asked and asked, but I just said, 'Aiya, tomorrow only la, sure can wan.' Lo and behold when I was about to leave at almost 7 am, my Dad woke up to help remove the other car so I could get out easily. It's like he just cannot sleep at night thinking about this 'undone' thing on his to do list.
When I take the train to uni, I usually park my car near the train station. First he offered to drive me at 6 am, and I accepted. Then he said, 'Come to think of it, I'll be making two trips back & forth and wasting petrol. Just go yourself la.' No problem for me. Lo and behold once again, at 6 am the next morning, who else got up but Dad, to drive me.
I can just read his mind, how unsettled he is by our 'inadequacies'. Like he has to make sure we're alright. I guess it's actually bad, cos' he thinks we're lousy drivers and lousy everything else, hahaha, but I see it as genuine care. He buys all our meals, does housework, takes care of the pets, fixes things, and so much more.
Dad rocks. So, any suggestions for Father's Day, anyone?
The only problem with my Dad is there's nothing to give him, because there's nothing he wants. Like c'mon, last year he asked for a pair of socks, because his old ones were getting hole-y.
He doesn't appreciate cards or sentimental trinkets, like most men. We can't afford gadgets. Once, he said he just wished for a hug everyday. (I think he was kidding.) I remember us joking about making a hugging machine. And the cake cutting thing is SO boring.
I wish I could come up with something really special (to him) because he's such a great Dad.
He's always so concerned about us. Just for example, when I park my car under the tree, it tends to get sandwiched between two other cars, one being our neighbour's. The first time it happened, he kept asking and asking if I was sure I could get out. In the end, he reparked it at an angle for me so I could leave in the morning.
The 2nd time, he asked and asked, but I just said, 'Aiya, tomorrow only la, sure can wan.' Lo and behold when I was about to leave at almost 7 am, my Dad woke up to help remove the other car so I could get out easily. It's like he just cannot sleep at night thinking about this 'undone' thing on his to do list.
When I take the train to uni, I usually park my car near the train station. First he offered to drive me at 6 am, and I accepted. Then he said, 'Come to think of it, I'll be making two trips back & forth and wasting petrol. Just go yourself la.' No problem for me. Lo and behold once again, at 6 am the next morning, who else got up but Dad, to drive me.
I can just read his mind, how unsettled he is by our 'inadequacies'. Like he has to make sure we're alright. I guess it's actually bad, cos' he thinks we're lousy drivers and lousy everything else, hahaha, but I see it as genuine care. He buys all our meals, does housework, takes care of the pets, fixes things, and so much more.
Dad rocks. So, any suggestions for Father's Day, anyone?
Sunday, June 8, 2008
Road Rant
2 accidents on the road today. One on LDP near 1U, some skidded car. Another at Sunway, on the way to church, the entire lamp post fell down, obstructing the road. Both times the cars on my lane, the opposite lane slowed down to a standstill, just because the drivers were nosy. Sigh.
And to right lane hoggers, if you're at a speed where the next car ahead of you is meters away while behind you is a long queue, please get off the right lane! Cannot tahan man. It's like they're not stepping on the accelerator or something, maybe their right foot is up on the seat.
As for myself, I'm starting to daydream while driving, like running through convers in my head. Like forgetting to put signals. Dangerous.
Darn, must finish my work tonight so I can meet Wenhao tomorrow, IF timing's right and he's near.
And to right lane hoggers, if you're at a speed where the next car ahead of you is meters away while behind you is a long queue, please get off the right lane! Cannot tahan man. It's like they're not stepping on the accelerator or something, maybe their right foot is up on the seat.
As for myself, I'm starting to daydream while driving, like running through convers in my head. Like forgetting to put signals. Dangerous.
Darn, must finish my work tonight so I can meet Wenhao tomorrow, IF timing's right and he's near.
Skin & Bones
The number one asked question of my life is probably, 'Did you get thinner?' Either that or my weight is commented on, my bones, my skinniness or if I'm lucky, my slenderness.
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, from my immediate family, my relatives, my best friends, my not-so-best friends, my schoolmates, my collegemates, my unimates, teachers, neighbours, salespeople, my mani/pedicurists, seamstresses, flight attendants, any who, how, or when, has at some point in time exclaimed that I'm thin or have gotten thinner. And this has been going on since I was a kid to, oh, just this afternoon. They say it when they've just seen me, they say it when they saw me a month ago, they say it when they haven't seen me in years.
I'm used to it. First I say, I don't know why. Then I say, I still eat a lot. (Like I have to defend myself). Then I follow up with, my mom used to be even thinner than me, and now she's not thin. Exactly the same routine.
What brought me to this topic was just musing over how difficult it is for thin people to hug. Have you seen or experienced 2 skinny people hugging? It's an air hug, basically. You put your arms around each other and DON'T make body contact because it's way too intimate. Why, you'd be feeling each other's ribs! You gently pat each other's backs and that's it.
That's why I much prefer hugging a person with some fats, like my mommy. Where it's a real hug, and you feel warmth. As such, my boyfriend must have substantial body mass. There is no comfort in bones colliding.
Hugging Bunnies on Flickr © Photodreamer
-----
My nails are liquid paper white, top and bottom. So fun. =)
Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, from my immediate family, my relatives, my best friends, my not-so-best friends, my schoolmates, my collegemates, my unimates, teachers, neighbours, salespeople, my mani/pedicurists, seamstresses, flight attendants, any who, how, or when, has at some point in time exclaimed that I'm thin or have gotten thinner. And this has been going on since I was a kid to, oh, just this afternoon. They say it when they've just seen me, they say it when they saw me a month ago, they say it when they haven't seen me in years.
I'm used to it. First I say, I don't know why. Then I say, I still eat a lot. (Like I have to defend myself). Then I follow up with, my mom used to be even thinner than me, and now she's not thin. Exactly the same routine.
What brought me to this topic was just musing over how difficult it is for thin people to hug. Have you seen or experienced 2 skinny people hugging? It's an air hug, basically. You put your arms around each other and DON'T make body contact because it's way too intimate. Why, you'd be feeling each other's ribs! You gently pat each other's backs and that's it.
That's why I much prefer hugging a person with some fats, like my mommy. Where it's a real hug, and you feel warmth. As such, my boyfriend must have substantial body mass. There is no comfort in bones colliding.
Hugging Bunnies on Flickr © Photodreamer-----
My nails are liquid paper white, top and bottom. So fun. =)
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Musings
Been doing good this past week. But come weekend, I get frustrated again. I've been waiting to say some things but it's never been let out. And though I act hopeful, it's pretty obvious I'll never get to say them. Even if I do, I won't feel better, I think.
Hurt, I'd say? Waited, but no follow up. My fault, really, for wrong expectations again. Can't be helped though, it's hard to change your impression of people, especially when you've worked on building a certain feeling towards them.
Most of all, it's hard to acknowledge that this is really it. I know, I know, I've been doing fine, and I know I will. But I'm not the kind of person who trivially accepts that something is over, as though it was of little meaning, as though events in life don't have significant impact in your future. I can't help the little burst of anticipation, hope, just to keep a tiny flame burning each time. Then again, it's all down to feelings, then ultimately decisions.
Yup, I've tried my best. Over the past few months, I've given each shot my all. I mean, how many times can a girl put her pride on the line? Each time, reciprocation was NIL. I figure I've embarrassed myself to the point of desperation. Sent the signals, I hear the reply loud and clear. At least I know I'm not the one who will look back and wonder what might've been. I'm not the one who walked away.
No regrets. I almost don't care anymore. Almost.
Hurt, I'd say? Waited, but no follow up. My fault, really, for wrong expectations again. Can't be helped though, it's hard to change your impression of people, especially when you've worked on building a certain feeling towards them.
Most of all, it's hard to acknowledge that this is really it. I know, I know, I've been doing fine, and I know I will. But I'm not the kind of person who trivially accepts that something is over, as though it was of little meaning, as though events in life don't have significant impact in your future. I can't help the little burst of anticipation, hope, just to keep a tiny flame burning each time. Then again, it's all down to feelings, then ultimately decisions.
Yup, I've tried my best. Over the past few months, I've given each shot my all. I mean, how many times can a girl put her pride on the line? Each time, reciprocation was NIL. I figure I've embarrassed myself to the point of desperation. Sent the signals, I hear the reply loud and clear. At least I know I'm not the one who will look back and wonder what might've been. I'm not the one who walked away.
No regrets. I almost don't care anymore. Almost.
Friday, June 6, 2008
TGIF
The spike in fuel price has given me further good reason to go green. I'm gonna start taking the train to uni more than the usual once or twice a week. Save the environment and save my money. We're taking small measures and observing if it makes a significant difference in fuel consumption. Turning off the engine when waiting for people, driving without aircon in the mornings or nights, maybe no more sudden revving up for me? =( Nah, just kidding. How else would I get my poor Myvi to overtake other cars?
That's why I was a teensy bit annoyed driving to cell when there wasn't any. (No, Ern Sheong, I'm not mad at you!) Not because it was a waste of time, but because I took a joyride and burned fuel. Sigh. That's the kind of scrooge mindset you start to get. Dad's predicting the doom of airline companies as well. Maybe not such a good idea for Aggie to become a pilot at this stage. Not until they figure a way to make hydrogen fuel with less energy involved.
Today was the day Toby betrayed me.
I've been pretty happy with my old eRokr, Tobias, although he sure ain't no Nokia Xpress.
(Pause in silence in memory of that gorgeous being.)
I've been pretty happy up until today when he finally failed me. This naive trust probably came from forgetting that that stupid phone constantly hung while I was trying to send an SMS and then proceeded to become non-functional for days.
I was on the train, waiting to reach the 2nd last stop to call Dad to come pick me up from the station. While trying to reply Jene, it froze. I kept removing and replacing the battery but to no avail. I was seriously contemplating approaching strangers to ask if I could borrow their phones. In fact, I was eyeing this girl in front of me when she took out her mobile, but then I chickened out. Told myself, I'd look for someone when I reached the station.
Miraculously, at Segambut, the exact stop I needed to call, Toby sprang alive. This after I'd desperately pressed the * button like ********. Poor Toby, he lived just when I needed him most. I called Dad, and then he was gone again. Just like that.
You know what, I think he's hydrophobic. My bottle leaked a tiny bit and the phone went nuts. Could be related to when I dropped it in the toilet bowl once. Hmmm.
Yeah, now it's dialing it's own numbers and then dying off. It's not even numbers, it's choosing strange symbols. Maybe it's trying to speak to me. Crazy phone.
And yes, I realize I'm switching between 'it' and 'him'. I can't really commit to humanizing an inanimate object.
-----
EXAAAAAM! The library is really good to study. But I can't make myself stay for more than an hour. Arghhh. Die die die.
That's why I was a teensy bit annoyed driving to cell when there wasn't any. (No, Ern Sheong, I'm not mad at you!) Not because it was a waste of time, but because I took a joyride and burned fuel. Sigh. That's the kind of scrooge mindset you start to get. Dad's predicting the doom of airline companies as well. Maybe not such a good idea for Aggie to become a pilot at this stage. Not until they figure a way to make hydrogen fuel with less energy involved.
Today was the day Toby betrayed me.
I've been pretty happy with my old eRokr, Tobias, although he sure ain't no Nokia Xpress.
(Pause in silence in memory of that gorgeous being.)
I've been pretty happy up until today when he finally failed me. This naive trust probably came from forgetting that that stupid phone constantly hung while I was trying to send an SMS and then proceeded to become non-functional for days.
I was on the train, waiting to reach the 2nd last stop to call Dad to come pick me up from the station. While trying to reply Jene, it froze. I kept removing and replacing the battery but to no avail. I was seriously contemplating approaching strangers to ask if I could borrow their phones. In fact, I was eyeing this girl in front of me when she took out her mobile, but then I chickened out. Told myself, I'd look for someone when I reached the station.
Miraculously, at Segambut, the exact stop I needed to call, Toby sprang alive. This after I'd desperately pressed the * button like ********. Poor Toby, he lived just when I needed him most. I called Dad, and then he was gone again. Just like that.
You know what, I think he's hydrophobic. My bottle leaked a tiny bit and the phone went nuts. Could be related to when I dropped it in the toilet bowl once. Hmmm.
Yeah, now it's dialing it's own numbers and then dying off. It's not even numbers, it's choosing strange symbols. Maybe it's trying to speak to me. Crazy phone.
And yes, I realize I'm switching between 'it' and 'him'. I can't really commit to humanizing an inanimate object.
-----
EXAAAAAM! The library is really good to study. But I can't make myself stay for more than an hour. Arghhh. Die die die.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
It's actually a relief to know that this is the end of having to prove myself in that way. I'm at the end of a long road of academic quests. The day is finally here when I don't have to worry someone's gonna pull off the sheet and expose me for my true inadequate self. No more resume brushing up, putting your best foot forward, activity for the sake of portfolio, kiasu-ism.
It's a different ball game now. Honing a craft and becoming a people person. It feels quite different to finally have the end goal in sight.
As a sidetrack: How about relationships? What do you do when the other side doesn't value the friendship as much as you do? Let go I suppose. There's only so much effort you can put in if they don't notice you. Funny how I'd not care either, till I felt the chain breaking free, and then I would hurriedly do something to keep the link intact. That feels quite different as well, to be on the receiving end, caring more than being cared for.
-----
Yesterday, Dad electrocuted himself with the very dangerous racquet shaped bug zapper. It's really powerful, cos' you actually have to plug it in to charge it. And when you zap a mosquito, it disintegrates. You can't even find the remnants. So Dad thought he'd tap it, and the current traveled in a circuit to his other hand, causing him to fling the racquet up in the air. He tried to act macho, but he was grimacing in pain. Haha.
It's a different ball game now. Honing a craft and becoming a people person. It feels quite different to finally have the end goal in sight.
As a sidetrack: How about relationships? What do you do when the other side doesn't value the friendship as much as you do? Let go I suppose. There's only so much effort you can put in if they don't notice you. Funny how I'd not care either, till I felt the chain breaking free, and then I would hurriedly do something to keep the link intact. That feels quite different as well, to be on the receiving end, caring more than being cared for.
-----
Yesterday, Dad electrocuted himself with the very dangerous racquet shaped bug zapper. It's really powerful, cos' you actually have to plug it in to charge it. And when you zap a mosquito, it disintegrates. You can't even find the remnants. So Dad thought he'd tap it, and the current traveled in a circuit to his other hand, causing him to fling the racquet up in the air. He tried to act macho, but he was grimacing in pain. Haha.
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
So the official letter arrived today. I flung it in the trash.
Just reminding myself that better plans than my small mind can imagine are ahead. All's good.
I really need church. If I don't go for just a week, mind crowding takes place. It's a relief to hear words of encouragement, words that remind me there's way more to life than what I keep harping on. It makes me look forward to the future.
Just reminding myself that better plans than my small mind can imagine are ahead. All's good.
I really need church. If I don't go for just a week, mind crowding takes place. It's a relief to hear words of encouragement, words that remind me there's way more to life than what I keep harping on. It makes me look forward to the future.
Do a little dance! on Flickr © diyosa-----
I am sorely lacking social graces! I need to turn my frown upside down and start being enthu when I meet new people. I just accidentally ignored this girl who was trying to say hi, while I was excitedly yapping away to Su Anne. Woe is my interpersonal skills.
Monday, June 2, 2008
OH phooey. Both fax and phone line engaged. How la how.
If you didn't realize, this means I may be the only person I know who didn't even get into NUS, lol. If I wasn't in a uni now, where the hell would I be going. To my grave, no doubt. By my own hands.
Incredibly, 3 IMU students are going to NUS Medicine.
As I always knew, the physical distance was never the problem. It was the mental distance that was impossible to overcome.
But that ain't gonna stop me now. =)
If you don't have it, fake it. Confidence, I mean.
If you didn't realize, this means I may be the only person I know who didn't even get into NUS, lol. If I wasn't in a uni now, where the hell would I be going. To my grave, no doubt. By my own hands.
Incredibly, 3 IMU students are going to NUS Medicine.
As I always knew, the physical distance was never the problem. It was the mental distance that was impossible to overcome.
But that ain't gonna stop me now. =)
If you don't have it, fake it. Confidence, I mean.
Sunday, June 1, 2008
Finally, everything's getting altered and repaired so I can start wearing them again. Mom bought the prettiest ornamental stuff to sew on my favourite Pazzion slippers (which cost an exorbitant $S40 but got ripped off by Hayley).
Some brown flowers.
Half the day gone just from traveling, super exhausting. I am more than a little annoyed at how my new FCUK glasses keep setting off the metal detector. And it's only 3 weeks to my exam! Shit & double shit.
And I bought gold eyeliner, hehe.
Stuffed myself with chicken teriyaki and sashimi. The pain in my abdomen is real.
Some brown flowers.And I bought gold eyeliner, hehe.
Stuffed myself with chicken teriyaki and sashimi. The pain in my abdomen is real.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)