Musings

Been doing good this past week. But come weekend, I get frustrated again. I've been waiting to say some things but it's never been let out. And though I act hopeful, it's pretty obvious I'll never get to say them. Even if I do, I won't feel better, I think.

Hurt, I'd say? Waited, but no follow up. My fault, really, for wrong expectations again. Can't be helped though, it's hard to change your impression of people, especially when you've worked on building a certain feeling towards them.

Most of all, it's hard to acknowledge that this is really it. I know, I know, I've been doing fine, and I know I will. But I'm not the kind of person who trivially accepts that something is over, as though it was of little meaning, as though events in life don't have significant impact in your future. I can't help the little burst of anticipation, hope, just to keep a tiny flame burning each time. Then again, it's all down to feelings, then ultimately decisions.

Yup, I've tried my best. Over the past few months, I've given each shot my all. I mean, how many times can a girl put her pride on the line? Each time, reciprocation was NIL. I figure I've embarrassed myself to the point of desperation. Sent the signals, I hear the reply loud and clear. At least I know I'm not the one who will look back and wonder what might've been. I'm not the one who walked away.

No regrets. I almost don't care anymore. Almost.