Kissing Dating Goodbye

I'm reading Joshua Harris' I Kissed Dating Goodbye, lent to me by Ern Sheong.

I am truly terrified by what I read. Not because I disagree; on the contrary I agree very much. I'm scared because I feel overwhelmed, that the ideals that he's set are just impossible for me to meet. I feel helpless because it means throwing away so many things I've made a habit.

In the end however, I see no other way to do things right. So much of what he said speaks to me, and I'm only 1/3 way through. It's made me question my motives in relationships. And as hard as it will be, the only way I can know for sure I've made the right choice with the right motives is probably the way that's being stressed upon. Sigh.

Some lines that really struck me:

If you've given your heart or body away in previous short term relationships (regardless of how many), will you have anything left to give to your future spouse?

The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. It means deciding to do what's best for others by never asking for intimacy that you cannot match with commitment. Often couples pursue intimacy for the sake of intimacy (be it emotional or physical). We date because we want to enjoy the emotional and physical benefits of intimacy without the responsibility of real commitment. Unfortunately, deepening intimacy without defining the level of commitment only leads to pain.

Most often, dating isn't a pursuit of commitment, but begins with physical attraction. The couple doesn't look at each other as possible life partners or weigh the responsibilities of marriage but focus on the demands of the present, where the physical relationship easily becomes the focus.

Two people who date each other want to feel that they're special to each other, and they can concretely express this through physical intimacy. They begin to distinguish this special relationship through hand-holding, kissing, and everything else that follows.

Physical involvement can distort two people's perspective of each other and lead to unwise choices. God also knows we'll carry the memories of our past physical involvements into marriage. He doesn't want us to live with guilt and regret.

Physical involvement can make two people feel close. But if you examine the focus of your dating relationships, you'll find all you have in common with your partner is lust.

Ouch.
I don't know if this means anything to you, but it sure does to me.