It's actually a relief to know that this is the end of having to prove myself in that way. I'm at the end of a long road of academic quests. The day is finally here when I don't have to worry someone's gonna pull off the sheet and expose me for my true inadequate self. No more resume brushing up, putting your best foot forward, activity for the sake of portfolio, kiasu-ism.
It's a different ball game now. Honing a craft and becoming a people person. It feels quite different to finally have the end goal in sight.
As a sidetrack: How about relationships? What do you do when the other side doesn't value the friendship as much as you do? Let go I suppose. There's only so much effort you can put in if they don't notice you. Funny how I'd not care either, till I felt the chain breaking free, and then I would hurriedly do something to keep the link intact. That feels quite different as well, to be on the receiving end, caring more than being cared for.
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Yesterday, Dad electrocuted himself with the very dangerous racquet shaped bug zapper. It's really powerful, cos' you actually have to plug it in to charge it. And when you zap a mosquito, it disintegrates. You can't even find the remnants. So Dad thought he'd tap it, and the current traveled in a circuit to his other hand, causing him to fling the racquet up in the air. He tried to act macho, but he was grimacing in pain. Haha.
6 comments:
your sidetrack feels precisely like what I am feeling now...
i'm glad i'm not alone then =]
I hate the feeling of caring more than being cared for. And I'm not the kind of person that lets go too easily.
But I guess it's balanced with the knowledge that this kind of thing works both ways, and I'm woefully ignorant most of the time.
I have difficulty making the break too. I mean, there's always the regret you fear right, that if you let go too soon, you'd drift permanently apart
I think... on my side... the other side values the friendship but then she is too busy with studies, etc. to make you feel cared for in return. Also, she is also very jealously guarding her heart and does not want to give any part of her heart away. As guys, we tend to be impatient but I think we have to be patient and wait for the ripe season. Perhaps we should just leave our worries aside and let the friendship unfold naturally, neither trying too hard nor caring too little. Who knows, that friendship might blossom into a beautiful thing.
to be patient sounds daunting but very rewarding haha. takes effort though, and i suppose it'll naturally happen or naturally won't happen, without too much damage. all the best!
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