Gotta go cold turkey on the awful imaginations & the glorifying.

I know what it's like. I've been there. Once you find someone new, there's no space in your head or heart for the old. You can hardly even conjure up any memory or thought of the past, as hard as you may try.

A part of me feels stupid and ashamed. The voice which tells me I've no right to get mad, which I suppose is how everyone on the outside sees it. That you found someone who makes you way happier and so I should feel only happiness for you. That I'm the fool who should've woken up earlier from her stupor. The other part just feels cheated and indignant from the undercurrents privy only to me.

Being who I am, I need a black and white world to operate in, where right and wrong is clear. It's so hard to accept that some things only come in one shade - gray.

Hopefully it'll be my turn soon.

-----
Edit: I wrote this post last week, before I knew knew that it was a fact. A fact I was slowest to see myself. After a horrendous night, from today onwards I vow to no longer be a slave to the both of you, thoughts of you two or your worthless memory. The pinpricks of nostalgia and tormented imaginings will come, but I won't succumb to them anymore. And to avoid turning into a vicious hateful person, everytime I get an attack I will pray to God for His grace so that I may forgive, forget and move on. To not be jealous or envious but to be happy for you. It goes against my very fiber to do the last one, but miracles can happen.

I think it's pretty symbolic that I don't have a fellow emo-er to commiserate with anymore either. IT IS TIME.